Sleep… Never Enough

Ever since I can remember, I have been a terrible sleeper. As a kid, I remember lying awake for hours before falling asleep. I’d go to bed, feel tired, and lie there with my eyes open and my mind racing. This has been my lot in life, night after night.

Things have shifted a bit as I’ve gotten older, though. I now fall asleep quickly but wake up within a few hours and then spend the next few trying to clear my mind, do some relaxing breathing exercises, or—if all else fails—get up to read a few chapters of a novel or a short story or two, and then start the process again.

I’ve tried over-the-counter sleep aids like Tylenol PM and Unisom. I’ve tried prescription medications—Trazodone, Amitriptyline, Gabapentin, and a few others I can’t even remember—all to no avail. Even Ambien, which my doctor prescribed but warned me not to take because it was so addictive, failed when I finally gave in and tried it.

I have even tried “natural” sleep remedies, including melatonin and every version, shape, color, and flavor of CBD oils and gummies. Some have helped for a short time but then seem to stop working. When you’re taking three or four different types of gummies plus a Gabapentin or two each night, you know you’re grasping at straws.

My worst nights are always those when it’s especially important that I get a good night’s sleep—an early Zoom call, a presentation at a professional conference, or an early flight or car ride to some far-off destination. Nothing ruins my sleep more than knowing I have a “big day” starting the next morning.

Once, when I was in college, my friend Gus and I backpacked across Europe. His Greek uncle, who lived in Düsseldorf, Germany, offered to drive us to Belgrade, Yugoslavia, to visit another set of relatives. None of us had any money, so we stayed at pretty dumpy motels along the way—all three of us in the same room. Before the trip began, Gus warned me that his uncle was the worst snorer he had ever heard. He told me to be sure to fall asleep before his uncle did. Well, that was too much pressure for me, and night after night I lay awake for hours listening to the snoring, which I was convinced sounded pretty close to what a woolly mammoth might have sounded like when it slept millions of years ago.

My poor sleep does have a few—and I mean a few—positives. When I visit my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson, for example, I get to sleep with the baby monitor to ensure that all is right with my grandson, Huddy, as he sleeps quietly through the night. This gives my son and daughter-in-law a bit of a break and gives my sleeplessness a sense of purpose. Now that they have a second child on the way, I’m certain I’ll continue to be called on for baby monitor duty for at least another year or two. So I’ll be sleep-deprived but helpful to them for some time to come.

I know there are many negative health consequences to poor sleep. Nonetheless, I’m not too worried. Since I retired a couple of years ago, I’ve found that although I’m a bad sleeper at night, I’m a pretty good napper in the early afternoon. So maybe there’s hope for me after all.

~ Leonard Abbeduto