Have You Hugged Your Child Today?

"HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR CHILD TODAY?"

By Mark H. Bonner, Jr.

Copied from the Rural Louisiana newspaper,

Volume 28, November, 1977, Number 9

"Have You Hugged Your Child Today.." That taunting

question upon bumper stickers zoomed by

with commendable regularity on a recent trip out West.

After three days of travel, the question became haunting -- accusatory.

It seemed a sad commentary upon our times.

We shouldn't have to be reminded to love our children.

Perhaps it seemed accusing because of awareness

that we live in an era in which emphasis upon home,

family and children is declining. The "in thing" is to do

our "own thing" with as little responsibility to anyone or anything as possible.

Or, we are so worried about paying bills, taxes,

government, energy, the future and pursuit of happiness,

we have little time to devote to home, family and children.

Hence we have the highest divorce rate, the most

illegitimate births, broken homes, etc. of any civilized nation.

So, no matter how much I read and chuckled or fussed

at other bumper sticker drivel to shake off expressway

boredom, the question still nagged. Such nonsense as "Do

It in a Pickup," "Conserve Energy--Eat Beans and Save

Gas," "Dirty Old Men Need Love, Too," did not erase a

growing guilt complex.

The stickers reminded me that I too often neglected

my children and wife during the critical time of early

parenthood. Along with millions of depression-age rural

Americans who fled poverty and plowing a slow mule, or

the depravity of city slums, I was obsessed with the idea of getting ahead.

The Illusion of Our Times

Our generation suffered a common illusion:

Economic security would solve all problems. Our

obsession was noble, if a mistake in retrospect.

We were determined to make life easier for our

children than ours had been....even at the price of neglect.

My hard-working, farm-girl wife shared my dream to

give our children all the "good things" we had been

denied. Looking back, as a result, she was also neglected,

often having to assume the responsibility of both father and mother.

We were not alone. Millions of post-war and

depression couples shared our determination. Much too

often many of us temporarily forgot that the "best things"

in life for children are family togetherness, a hug at the

right time and place, words of comfort and

encouragement, and, of course, a denial of the wants and

demands of our beloved children when not in their best

interests or when undeserved or unearned.

So, the "Have You Hugged Your Child Today"

stickers, although aimed at today's young parents, haunted me.

If Only I Had....

"If ONLY I had taken the time to be around to hug

mine more often...If ONLY I had stayed home more

weekends instead of working...If ONLY I had given them

more personal attention than toys, clothes, fancy food,

cars in their teens, etc. in an effort to make their life easier...

"If ONLY I had taken time to give them a hug or a

kiss instead of money quietly left on an empty breakfast

table at five o'clock a.m. in a rush to drive frantically

across the State in pursuit of getting ahead...for them,

of course.

Still, looking back, they have done wonderfully well--

without me most of the time. That hurts! Why, because

they were lucky enough to have a full-time mother who

could, and did, assume a dual roll. Millions of children are

not so lucky. More than three out of every five

mothers work today.

Why? Because my generation set the "easier and

better life" goal for our children upon such a high totem

pole that today both parents must work in most cases.

This, plus emphasis upon Women careerism and

liberation--and runaway inflation--leaves no one in

millions of American homes to babysit, except TV.

extending beyond my immediate family. Our nation is

paying a dear price in our shortsighted goal to make life

"easier for our children". So are we parents in terms of

alienation of those very children.

The price is mounting with each succeeding

generation. There is decay in family unity and stability

the nation-over. As mothers join the work force in

ever-increasing hordes to maintain my generation's

bequeathed obsession with economic security above all

else, the crime rate mounts, marriages fail, child abuse

mounts along with welfare and general lack of

responsibility to home, family and marital obligations.

Today, thanks to shortsighted standards set mostly by

my generation (admittedly one of the most stable and

productive of all times), emphasis upon sanctity of the

home and family as the supreme responsibility of

Americans is still in decline.

Should anyone have to be reminded to hug a child? It

is past time to re-examine our goals.

We have the highest standard of living on this earth,

by far, certainly a credit to our older generations. But, we

also have the highest divorce rate, the most illegitimate

children, the most broken homes, juvenile crime and child

welfare rolls of any civilized nation on earth.

Something has gone terribly wrong with our goal of an

"easier and better life for our children" than we had. The

problem seems to be that we have substituted parental

concern and love with "things". Material things are simply not enough.

Those bumper stickers brought home my editorial

preachments while a young and imaginative editor.

Too often forgotten in my urge to get ahead, they are

more true than ever:

A nation is but a FAMILY. A family is not stronger than

its loyalty each to the other. A national family is but a

reflection of the attitudes, ambitions, strengths and

weaknesses of family members.

"No nation is, or can ever be, stronger than its family

units, their homes, schools, churches--

the basic morality of its people." True, so true!

We have not made things easier for children by any

stretch of the imagination. By creating conditions and

philosophies demanding or encouraging employment of

both parents outside the home, we have made lives of

today's children tougher and more insecure in this

technological age than we ever imagined during the

Great Depression.

We are told that children now spend more time

watching our disgraceful and degrading television obsession

with violence, murder, rape, plunder, sex and tearing

down of traditional values than they do in school.

What a horrifying substitute for family togetherness, love, parental guidance.

Still, we sit and moan our growing national economic,

political and social problems, the whys of lack of loyalty,

cooperation, human kindness, ambiton, etc. All are

traditional products of the home, the bedrock of all families, all nations.

Most bumper stickers are absurdities.

What an exception! The "Have - You - Hugged - Your Child - Today?"

banners offer hope that a re-evaluation is taking shape

among many of our young parents.

Somebody, somewhere, is thinking.

It is never too late to love, to reassess, to plan, to

dream. We older generations who created the mess should

pitch in, admitting that providing "things" does not make

for an easier life. They are no substitutes for love, home,

family -- a simple hug.

Now, finally:

"Have You Hugged Your Child, Wife, Husband, Today?"

Have You Really Listened to a Family Member Today?"

There is NO easy life without Love and Understanding.

It all begins and ends at HOME, the foundation of all

progressive, civilized -- and enduring -- nations.