You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah!

Rosenbloom, Fiona.  You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah.  Hyperion, 2005.

Pages:  190

Age Range: grades 4-6; up to age thirteen perhaps

Genre: realistic fiction and humor

Setting: suburbs of New York City

Themes: 

friendship, mothers and teenage daughters not getting along, Jewish life - especially the bat mitzvah, falling in love, not knowing what type of person is good for you, separation/divorce, acceptance of differences, disappointment

Merits:

The book presents topics appropriate to young teens in a realistic and humorous way.  The portrayal of friendship and the betrayal of friendship are realistic.  The moral of realizing who and what is best for a person is important for young teens.  In addition, love’s blindness also is portrayed well.

Unique Quality: 

The book has been made into a movie.(Netflix)

Detractors: 

The book is a bit outdated with references to musicians and actors.  Some words could be questionable for grades 4-6: nipple, slut, lingerie, thong, non-gay; there is one sentence where the main character wonders if she should have a boy instead of a girl.

Main Characters:

Stacie Friendman - 12, the mai character who writes letters to God, is about to experience bat mitzvah, and wants desperately for Alan Goldfarb to love her back

Arthur Friedman - 10, Stacie’s younger, brilliant brother; he’s a tag along to all that Stacie does and is an overweight, awkward boy.

Lydia Katz - 12, Stacie’s best friend until she betrays Stacie

The Chicas  - the popular girls who have taken an interest in Stacie and Lydia joining their group

Andy Goldfarb - the love interest of Stacie, who fantasizes marrying him; he is friendly to Stacie but the feelings may not be reciprocal

Dante Decosimo - a foreign exchange student from Italy who is handsome and a great dancer

Mom - separated from her husband; controlling of her daughter by forbidding make-up and particular outfits; seems to never understand her daughter

Dad - separated from his wife; a plastic surgeon who now has one of his patients, Delilah, as his girlfriend

Plot:

The book begins with Stacie Adelaide Friedman writing a letter to God asking him to help out with some things.  She is about to have her bat mitzvah where she is supposed to sing, but she can’t carry a tune.  She wants to have the perfect boy to dance with, so she needs God to help her get Alan Goldfarb to notice her.  She needs the perfect dress, but her mother will never approve the one she wants.  She needs the perfect theme because the Harry Potter themed one she is currently attending is so old news. But Adam is there, and he has noticed her.  The Chicas are impressed that Adam is noticing Stacie; this gives her some credibility for being in the Chicas.  However, then Stacie sees Adam kiss another girl, right there in the midst of the reception!  She is mortified.  All of the girls convene in the bathroom and discuss at length how terrible this is.  Stacie renounces her crush on Adam. All the girls see and agree.

After leaving the batmitzvah, Adam, Dante, and the other boys invite them all to the quarry for swimming.  The girls are all dressed up, but they go anyway.  It’s a hard walk.  When they get to the top, the boys jump off into the water below.  They challenge the girls; at least one should jump in the water.  Eventually, Lydia agrees - dress and all.  The other Chicas think it should be Lydia; their dresses are very expensive and they’re too girly.  Lydia doesn’t even show any interest in boys.  Lydia is there in the water with the boys, including Adam, for quite awhile.  Later, rumors abound about Adam and Lydia in the water together since they are the last two to return to the quarry top.  As they all leave, Arthur finally gets to the top, huffing and puffing from the exertion of the climb. Everyone laughs at him as they pass him on their way back to the synagogue.

Despite Stacie’s renouncement of Adam, she still likes him a great deal, maybe even loves him, and she fantasizes about their future together.  Stacie continues to practice for her recitation and worries about singing.  Her rabbi is kind, but he becomes suspicious as Stacie dashes out early.  She wants to go see Adam.  He casually mentions something about the weekend, and Stacie is sure that is an invitation for them to spend time together.  However, he never calls her.  Stacie tries over and over again to call Lydia to ask what she should do, but Lydia doesn’t answer.  Stacie tries to call again, but the rabbi sees her in his office on the phone instead of in the bathroom where she told him she was during her practice.  He doesn’t understand what is happening, and Stacie does not confide in him.  Stacie leaves and goes straight to Adam’s where her whole life turns upside down.  She sees him kiss Lydia!!  Lydia tries to tell Stacie that it’s not what it seems, but she is too furious to listen and even throws her friendship necklace on the ground vowing they are no longer friends and that Lydia is no longer invited to her bat mitzvah!

Meanwhile, Mom still cares greatly for Dad and hoped he’d come to Shabbat dinner.  He does not.  He takes Arthur out for the day, but when he returns, Delilah is with them. She must be Dad’s girlfriend. Mom spirals into sadness, knitting uncontrollably.

The Chicas seem to take sides. At a sleepover where Lydia is present, Stacie can’t make it through much time before she calls to come home.

At her next practice, the rabbi also included Mom since he is worried about Stacie.  Stacie begs him not to say anything to her mother, and he respects that.  He simply tells Mom that Stacie is doing well!  Later, Stacie explains everything to the rabbi.  He tells her that her part of the Torah for her bat mitzvah is about helping others instead of herself. She must do three mitzvahs before her ceremony.  Stacie begins to plan.  She will help her mother.  She is so sad, and Arthur comes up with the best plan to help their mother find a nice man to go to the bat mitzvah since Dad will be bringing Delilah.  They register their mom on a dating app without telling her.  When the man shows up to take Mom out on a date, Mom refuses to go and is very angry with her children for doing this. A second mitzvah focuses on Arthur. He is a good kid and super bright. He likes one of the Chicas, who will never see him as anything but an overweight klutz.  Stacie remembers seeing Dante dance, and realizes how much Dante could help Arthur to get into shape.  She calls Dante, and he eagerly agrees.  Dante and Arthur work well together, and Arthur does become more health conscious and slims some by the bat mitzvah.  The Chica, who Stacie had promised would like him if he slimmed down, actually turns out to like Arthur too since they both are very bright.  Dante’s American Dad instantly bonds with Mom, and the two end up dating!  Things are finally working out for Stacie!  One mitzvah to go, but she can’t come up with one.

At her ceremony, she is doing very well and sees Adam in the back row!  But what is he doing?  Paying attention to her careful recitation?  NO!  He is texting.  What did she see in him?  How could she possibly be attracted to someone who spends so much time trying to be the popular boy but in reality is rude and crass? Dante is listening to every word intently.  Stacie has enjoyed spending time with him when he helped Arthur.  She should pay attention to who treats her well, and Dante is that boy!  And this whole bat mitzvah is wrong. Someone who should be there is not - Lydia.  Stacie stops her entire speech and changes direction.  She steps away from the microphone and calls her best friend to apologize, and Lydie ends up coming to the bat mitzvah!  And Stacie gets that kiss  - but not from that rat Adam who had simply made a pact with Lydia so that she could practice kissing and not be made fun of for not having a boyfriend.  Her crush speaks Italian, is attentive, and pays attention to her. And he’s pretty easy on the eyes, too.