There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. -Alice in Wonderland

Seven impossible things. When the kids were little we had these on our refrigerator and everyday I would ask them what impossible things they did today: 1) Solve a wicked problem 2) Lead something 3) Become an expert 4) Teach someone something 5) Contribute to the community 6) Make a space more beautiful 7) Delight and surprise someone!

Raising good people. Inspired by doing impossible things we came up with a list of "impossible qualities" to work on everyday: 1) Patience 2) Persistence 3) Curiosity 4) Resilience 5) Respect 6) Sense of Purpose 7) Focus 8) Faith

Staying close. These are the moments that bring me closer to my children: 1) Children are the most talkative when they just get in the car after school or practice so that's when you should never be on a work call! 2) When they turn 13 we go on a "mommy and me" trip, just the two of us. 3) I always take my kids to board meetings, events and lunches that seem like they are for "adults only"--let them interact, eat and listen. You would be surprised at how much they absorb. 4) Writing down what they say. I have kept a journal of all their funny sayings, stories since they were little and we read them years later and laugh! Each of them have a journal of their first year of life when I recorded everything!

Setting goals. My father made me fold a paper into fours and write in each box: This week, one month, six months and one year. On the back write--the rest of your life. I had to fill that in with things I would accomplish and he'd save it for us and show it to us later. He never read them and we held ourselves accountable for setting our goals and wondering why some were left undone!

Raising adventurous eaters. My children ate a lot of different kinds of foods and we tried to show them the difference between real food and junk food from an early age--to eat real food when you're really hungry and to know the value of food. How much it costs, where it comes from and how to prepare it. I love Michael Pollan's quip: eat food, mostly plants, just enough. "Always eat salad with your hands." They learned that from Alice.

What a soccer mom hears. My daughter was a dancer and I loved being a dance mom. The costumes, the rehearsals, seeing your daughter's name in print on the program! I admit, though, I never wanted to be a soccer mom. Sitting in the sun. The black turf in your shoes. Endless games in far away towns. But sometimes, you can't control what your kids fall in love with. So I find myself sitting on the pitch quite often. The best part is not knowing anything about soccer and getting the commentary when my son steps into the car after practice or a game. He tells me all the beautiful game "gossip." There is always a story...and a lesson in life.

Three Magic Words 4/5/22

He walked off the pitch, smiled and waved to his mom in the distance as if to say: I see you, I’m coming. Ariel had the #42 emblazoned in black on his now filthy white jersey. He was 11 and still wiped his hands and nose by using his shirt. He also liked to take the difficult way to the car by climbing down the side of an old creek bed instead of using the path and going around. The dust was flying up around him as he slid down the unstable reddish dirt. It was faster this way but you had to watch for the big rocks at the bottom and there was always the climb back up the other side. All the creek beds in the community had dried up in the endless drought that plagued his town. It must have been pretty, the mother thought to herself as she watched her son navigate the dirt; she wished he had just walked around. His shirt getting dirtier by the second. She longed to dip her feet in any creek right now. Exhausted from waiting in the hot sun for 90 minutes. When Ariel got to the car, he was sweaty and excited. “Mom, I have so much to tell you! I got some feedback from the coach. He basically said that I carried the team today at practice.” Ariel pounded his chest like a gorilla in pride. “Wow, that’s great news,” said his mother. “And he gave me three magic words. They make so much sense and I don't know why I didn't think about them before. They are game changing! Well, it’s two words because one of the words is “the” but anyway. Do you want to know what they are?!” “Of course I do, '' said the mother excitedly. “Maybe they’ll change my life too!” she smiled. “When you have to make a big decision about what to do,” continued the boy, “you have to know…….. who has “the better angle.” He repeated “the better angle.” “Do you get it, mom? Those are the three magic words. The better angle. If you have the better angle, you go for it and take the risk.” She paused, started her car and drove off wondering, “Do I have the better angle?”

Yelling Can Be Good 4/10/22

"Mom, I think I changed my mind." "Oh yeah, about what?" said the mother. "Well, I used to think it was bad to call people out. But now I think it might be good. It might make you work harder." "Oh really. Do tell." said the mother. "So we were running our lines today and I was sort of cheating. Not going all the way and the coach saw me. So he yelled at me and said: Why aren't you going all the way?" At first it was a little embarrassing you know. He said it kinda loud. But then on the next round, I went all the way and in fact, on all the rounds after that I ran harder and went all the way every time. So you see, yelling can be good sometimes." "Oh good," said the mother. "I love to yell."

Taking a Criticism as a Compliment 5/20/22

"Do you know how I know that the coach thinks I'm a leader?" "No," said the mother. "I have no idea. Tell me!" "Well, yesterday he gave me a criticism and a compliment at the same time. How's that possible?" "I have no idea." said the mother. "Well, he yelled at me. He said: 'Ariel why don't you use that voice of yours?!" But what he was really saying to me is that I'm a leader on the field calling the shots and telling team mates where to go and what to do because I see the game. And for some reason I wasn't yelling out like I usually do so he was scolding me. But you see, that's how I know he sees me as a leader. He gave me a compliment and a criticism." Clever boy, he is.

Making Mistakes 7/25/22

"I noticed there was a lot of yelling out on the pitch today. I'm a little scared of that head soccer coach." "Mom, he's got a soft spot. You just don't see it. He's a REALLY GOOD COACH. NO, he's a GREAT COACH. Do you know why? He tells us what we are doing wrong. All that yelling was about mistakes. Did you know that making mistakes is actually a good thing?" "No, I had no idea. Tell me more." "Well, the coach must have yelled at Vincent at least three times but now he knows what not to do. He has a chance to improve. I'm going to learn a lot this year." I hope Vincent feels he same way, the mother thought to herself.

The Declaration & the Add On 8/10/22

"I've decided. I want to stand out. My cousins are all engineers. I want to be FAMOUS. So I want to be a professional soccer player. Will you support me?" he pleaded as he gave me puppy eyes and leaned his head on my shoulder. "Of course I'll support you but does that mean you are not going to MIT? I still want you to go to MIT." said the mother. "That's just like an Asian mom. Most moms would just say, 'Of course I'll support you honey' and stop there. Asian mothers have to create an add on." And then he smiled as if to say: Yes, I'll go to MIT if you really want me to.

Swallowing Water 8/22/22

Somedays, soccer cuts into the mother's swim time unless she drops him off early. Today, the mother got in the car early with the intention of making it to the Monday Night Masters Swim class. But she confessed as they went through the Caldecott tunnel: “Sometimes I don’t feel like going to the class. It’s like 2000+ yards and there are some pretty good women who swim regularly at night. Last class I struggled with the "go faster" pace set by these women. Should I go? " Maybe I’ll just sit and watch you play soccer, she thought to herself. "I don't want to be chased by faster swimmers tonight." To which the soccer player said: “Mom you shouldn’t let those other women intimidate you. I get knocked down by the big guys all the time and I just have to get back up and go to practice. Just swim faster. Don't let their speed bother you. You have to challenge yourself now and then.” And then he put on his cleats and left her to decide what she should do next. That night she swallowed a lot of water.

The Worst Thing To Do 8/26/22

It was a typical Thursday waiting on the soccer pitch. The mother was thinking about a work problem when she noticed her son was sitting it out. Severs disease coming back? she wondered. He dangled his soccer bottle in the air when their eyes met. That was her cue: More water, please. She thought to herself: Should I actually get up, walk across the pitch and get his bottle from him? Why doesn't he bring it to me? Just then her eyes wandered to watch the girls playing on the field in front of her. The coach was a large male with a booming voice. "Faster. Speed. Too slow!" was the refrain. Every good soccer mom knows the Holy Grail of soccer is speed of play. His voice was getting horse. Frustrated, he finally barked at the girls: "What is the worst thing to do?" The girls shouted in unison: "Nothing!" There you have. The worst thing to do is nothing. So the mother got up, walked across the field, politely retrieved the empty bottle and silently returned it to its owner filled with water.

The Limits of Speed 8/27/22

It was a restless night. He must have been nervous about his first MLS Next game as a 2010 player. The sound of grinding teeth like nails on a chalkboard every few minutes gave it away. At one point he started yelling at a player in his sleep; he even went to get water twice without responding to the mother's voice. Was he sleep walking? the mother thought. He just got back in bed and kept grinding his teeth a few seconds later. They had gone to bed early but the mother was still tired when the alarm rang at 6am. Why did the game have to be 45 minutes away and they were expected arrive 60 minutes early at 7:30 am? Everyone knows the number one duty of a soccer mom is to get the player to the game on time. Speeding down 880 to Palo Alto @ 80 MPH only shaved off a few minutes. They were still 15 minutes late. "Are we even in the right place?" She didn't know where we were going. New field. New season. New team. New coach. From across the field they saw his teammates flag him down in their florescent pink outfits. Make sure he runs to the team, her sister texted, or the coach will yell at him. Run Ari. Run, she thought to herself. Relieved that her job was now over, she walked around the track to pass time while the boys warmed up. As she passed the opponents, she overheard the Coach say: "Remember boys, speed doesn't matter if you don't know what you are doing." So true. We lost 0-7. Painful.

Part One: Rituals and Reframing 9/3/22

There is a ritual before every soccer game. It starts with the three questions a soccer player must ask: what if, what’s next, what’s behind me? Followed by the five tenets of tae kwon do said three times. Once forward and then backward and then forward again in the same order: perseverance, integrity, indomitable spirit, courtesy, and self control. Then three deep breaths and a close of the eyes. The mom said: "Do you see the ball? Where is it? Who is open? Make a goal. Now do it again and make an assist." But today it was cut short when the boy protested, "Mom it’s not possible. I play a left back. They don’t make goals. It’s just not how it works." We’ll said the mother, "I saw the last game and you had a shot on goal and you didn’t take it." He argued: "No I didn’t." His father reminded him that in the last game he played a left wing. "You might not have had a shot but you could have. You never know what position you’re going to play, so anything is possible." "Ok" he sighed and then closed his eyes.

Part Two: The Magic of Disappointment 9/3/22

That morning she work up at 6 am to make two dozen strawberry scones. She thought she might see some old friends on the opposing team and wanted to treat them. The smell of butter filled the car as the hot tray went into the trunk on a towel. “If you lose then at least they’ll say, wow they have a good cook on their team.“ To which he replied: "Ok you right, mom. You right.” It’s never clear when you get to a high school or a field where the game actually is. Today was no different. Finally, the boys spotted the coach. He walked over, hair tousled and looking a little sleepy. He gave a fist bump to everyone before he declared: the city doubled booked the field so they had to cancel the game. A collective groan. Everyone knows that the biggest disappointment for a soccer mom is when you arrive at the wrong place or they cancel the game. They waited around hoping that wasn’t the truth and then the mom shouted: Anyone for a strawberry scone? and she popped open the trunk. On the ride home the boy said, "Mom do you know where there is a magical land?" "No, where is the magical land?" The boy replied: "The soccer pitch is a magical land." "Oh why is it magical?" asked the mom. "You know why, mom: Anything is possible," and he smiled. They drove home happy despite the disappointment with only three scones left.

Game Day Songs

She finds herself at moments humming a strange set of songs to herself: Abba's Super Trouper, Mamma Mia. Waka Waka, Hall of Fame, Champion Spirit, One Kiss (yes, Dua Lipa), Don't Stop Me Now. They all make her smile when they come on the radio because they bring her back to game day. She sees herself sitting with him in the car getting ready for the big game.

Navigating Life 9/27/22

She had been gone a week. Paranoid that she'd give her family COVID, she wore a mask in the car as they drove home from SFO. Every morning while she was in Amsterdam, she woke up at 1 or 3 am. She looked exhausted. She never got a good nights, sleep except of course, her last night in the Netherlands. Anke let her stay at the house and she invited her to watch her boys Sven and Jenz play soccer on Saturday. The weather was like Seattle, cold and rainy. But Anke's husband Arien opened up the door and said: What a beautiful day to be outdoors. I love when people reframe the moment, she thought to herself. The boys played soccer with excitement and vigor, not minding the rain. I'm looking forward to seeing my son play soccer when I get back. She'd missed two games and a week of practices. So on Monday she was ready to take him! After she dropped him off she sat in the car thinking about work and finishing up a few things before she stepped out to watch. Does it ever feel like the coach is only yelling at your son? It felt like that to her. But then she leaned and listened to all the life lessons he was giving her son: 1) Open up. 2) Reorganize your space. 3) Watch your left shoulder. 4) Push out. 5) Check in. 6) Don't foul. 7) I need a little more intelligence from you. 8) Connect. 9) Keep working. And again! 10) Take the shot! What a soccer mom hears.

It’s the chemistry, stupid 10/10/22

She sighed. Another loss. 0-3 against a team called Orange Crush. How can a soda beat us? The girls were fast, like gazelles dancing around (and sometimes mowing down) the boys. After the game, her husband asked another soccer dad what went wrong. The boys are equally skilled. Omar’s dad said: Chemistry. Our boys have no chemistry. Hmmm. Later that day the mom asked her son: Is chemistry the answer? “I know what he means. It’s true, “ said the boy. “When you play soccer you need to be able to anticipate your teammates. Ionnes said he had a plan and he kicked the ball to Vincent. But Vincent didn't know the plan.” “Chemistry, mom, that’s no chemistry.” It reminded me of teams that I’ve led. No chemistry. Was that the problem? Hmmm. She had to think about that.

Breakthrough moments: from scared to sauced to sweets 11/1/22

He smiled from ear to ear. Something must have happened at practice. “Mom, do you know why I’m smiling?” “No idea,” said the mother. “It’s cold. Get in the car.” “Well, remember that day that I said I might want to leave this team? There was a reason. I was scared of the 2009 players and I was feeling down. You know. They’re bigger than me. They kept knocking me down. But today. Today, I went past two. Not one, but two of their best players. I only lost the ball a few times during the entire practice!” “Did the coach see?” asked the mother. “Naw he didn't see. But I did ask my friends. They all saw. They said I sauced those 2009 players.” The mother thought to herself: I’ve never quite heard sauce used in that way. “Can I have some of that Halloween candy to celebrate?” “Sure, you’ve earned it!” From scared to sauced to sweets. The sign of progress on the pitch.