Hemz's Story

“The world is selfish, exploitative, and discriminatory. Men often text me that I am beautiful. As soon as I don’t talk the way they want, suddenly I am ugly, and fake, using another woman’s stolen picture. As far as I am concerned, I am neither beautiful nor ugly - beauty standards are stupid, shallow and superficial. I go to the hospital for checkups and blood tests. People always come up to me and my mum calling me beautiful and then say that it's too bad I can’t walk. So, it’s okay if an ‘ugly’ person can’t walk?”

Her Health Condition and Her Disability

Hemz experiences a range of health complications due to her rare genetic condition, Wilson’s Disease. These include a deviated septum, episodic migraines, fatigue and muscle weakness, all of which significantly impact her daily life and mobility. 

Her path of diagnosis was anything but straightforward. The disease, which often mimicked psychiatrist disorders, her symptoms were misinterpreted for years. Cultural and religious beliefs within her family compounded this misdigagnosis - instead of seeking medical explanations,  her family’s belief that she was either possessed or was a victim of black magic. This delay in receiving the correct diagnosis resulted in permanent disabilities, including the need for a wheelchair and speech difficulties (dysarthria). 

While the lack of awareness of the rare genetic disorders was the primary reason behind her family’s misconceptions, it raises deeper questions about how disability and illness– especially in young people—are often perceived in cultural and religious contexts. Within many Indian and Hindu traditions, what is unknown is frequently attributed to the supernatural, framed as an external force beyond an individual’s control. This belief system can sometimes serve as a way to absolve responsibility, avoid confronting the realities of disability, or deny the shame and stigma associated with illness. The fear of an uncertain diagnosis may also drive avoidance and dismissal rather than seeking proper medical intervention. 

At the age of 24, when she went through a polyp removal surgery from her nasal cavity, the doctor recommended to repair her deviated septum. However, due to the impact of her rare genetic condition on the ability of her blood clotting, her brother refused the procedure as he feared that she would bleed out. While the decision as made out of concern for her safety, it also underscored a deeper reality–she had no autonomy over her own body as an adult.  Her deviated septum impacts her ability to breathe through her nose and take in oxygen, leaving her to breathe through her mouth when she sleeps. 

She reflected at this moment recognising her financial dependence meant she had no say nor even make any decisions about her own body and health. As a woman, this lack of bodily autonomy is a common experience shaped by financial, cultural and religious factors. Decisions about women’s bodies are often left to male family members–fathers, brothers or husbands–who, as financial providers, hold authority in many households. This dynamic frequently forces women to comply, relinquishing control over their own healthcare and well-being.  

The Duality of Her Existence in Physical and Digital Spaces  

“People stare at me whenever I go out. It makes me very self-conscious. I get it all - unwanted, verbalised curiosity, pity, the blame for my past life karma - you name it, I have heard it all”. 

While she was never a social butterfly, she acknowledges that her condition has only made her more introverted. In physical spaces, the ridicule and unsolicited remarks, sometimes from friends and family members, reinforces her withdrawal. The way people project their own discomfort or superstitions onto her existence has shaped how she navigates the world. At social gatherings, she often prefers to stay in the background, observing rather than participating. 

However, the same lived experiences that made her withdrew in physical spaces, fulled her voice in digital spaces. What began as a blog in 2012 evolved into a feminist page in 2015, where she could openly articulate her thoughts, perspectives and her advocacy. The best discrepancy she notices was how much more she spoke and engages online. 

A defining moment in her digital activism came when she grew increasingly agitated by the rampant slut-shaming of Malaysian Indian women, particularly in how their clothing choices were policed. The idea that they had “transgressed from Indian culture” was frequently weaponised against them, reinforcing rigid, patriarchal expectations. Frustrated by this policing of women’s autonomy, Hemz established her feminist page, creating a space to challenge these narratives and push back against cultural misogyny.

Her Feminist Page’s Success, Downfall and Everything in Between

Hemz never expected her feminist page to last this long. What started as a spontaneous decision, with a randomly chosen name in Tamil transliterated into English, will mark a decade since its creation in 2025. She admitted that the page was not carefully planned but was amazed at her own consistency in running it. Even after Facebook and Instagram removed the page seven times, she rebuilt it each time from scratch.

Each removal was the result of mass reporting by users who opposed the values the page stood for, particularly those exposed as technology-facilitated gender-based violence (TFGBV) perpetrators. Despite these repeated attacks, the page continued to thrive. Initially created to engage Malaysian Indians, it soon gained traction beyond its intended audience. By 2017, it had reached Tamil-speaking Indians from India, forcing the admins to quickly adapt and familiarise themselves with India’s social ecosystem to remain relevant. Their engagement with Indian issues eventually got them featured in The News Minute and brought in over 100,000 followers.

However, this success came at a cost. Hemz found herself targeted by the self-described “elite” Malaysian Indian Facebook community, who launched coordinated attacks against her. Former page admins who had a fallout with her resorted to impersonating her online, creating fake sex profiles that falsely offered sexual services in her name.To this day, she knows that her pictures are circulating on Telegram groups. Even those she once considered part of her own online circle turned against her, launching body-shaming attacks, writing degrading posts, and even suggesting that she and her friends should be raped.

The abuse escalated further when her disability became a target. Critics ridiculed her for her wheelchair use, questioning how a disabled woman could advocate for women’s rights if she “couldn’t even stand.” This double discrimination—both as a woman and as a disabled person—reflected how individuals with multiple marginalised identities face compounded violence. In the context of TFGBV, the attacks against her were not only misogynistic but also ableist, equating her physical ability with her worth and capacity to engage in activism.

“At times, I was nonplussed about their insecurity despite being able-bodied—they needed to ridicule my inability to physically stand so they could feel superior,” she reflected. “I used to stand, walk, run, jump, hop, shuffle, ride, drive, hopscotch, climb, slide, swim. I never felt better than anyone when I was able-bodied. So, I am baffled about their sense of superiority.” Having experienced life as both non-disabled and disabled, she struggled to comprehend how her non-disabled abusers derived superiority simply from their ability to walk.

When she spoke up against these attacks, it only escalated the harassment. Police reports were filed against her, troll accounts were created with the sole purpose of attacking her feminist page, and rape and murder threatsbecame a common occurrence. The same individuals who had spent years harassing her online later positioned themselves as activists, seeking justice for Esha, a Malaysian Indian woman who died by suicide after being cyberbullied. The hypocrisy was staggering.

The violence extended beyond threats—several Indian men actively sought her out in her hometown, with a RM 30,000 bounty placed on her. Despite these risks, she refused to be silenced.

Her page’s growing popularity in India, however, also led to its downfall on Facebook. Indian men—no less misogynistic than their Malaysian counterparts—began flooding her messages with degrading comments, telling her to “go wash their dirty dishes” and “cook for them.” This culminated in a coordinated mass reporting eventthat ultimately got the page removed from Facebook. Rather than giving up, she moved her platform to Instagram, embodying the resilience that had kept her going all along.

Throughout these ordeals, she continued to experience online sexual harassment, including cyberflashing. However, despite the hostility she initially faced from Indian audiences, she was recently approached by her followers to comment on prominent actor Vijay’s first political speech. For Hemz, this moment signified progress—a recognition that her voice mattered and that her work had not been in vain.

Her critical analysis of gender dynamics in real life and mainstream media has always aimed to increase awareness of the gendered inequalities that persist. Beyond that, she has also made it her mission to provide solidarity and support to women who have been victims of TFGBV, using her platform as a space for advocacy and resistance.

From Freelancing to a Writer, the Internet as a Gateway for Accessibility and Opportunities

Her inability to complete her education and her medical condition left very few options when it came to employment and career for her. The lack of financial independence felt suffocating. She describes it as ‘killing her’. After she got sick, she was in a state of asystole where she remembers existing but not truly living. She recalled that period to be excruciating given the idleness as she was left unable to do anything. 

However, she knew that she had a flair for writing which led her to begin freelancing on Fiverr (An online marketplace that connects freelancers with people or businesses looking to hire), working on various writing materials from press releases to university assignments. 

Online freelancing platforms such as Fiverr and Upwork remove many of the barriers that exist in traditional work environments—which often demand physical presence, fixed working hours, and inaccessible office settings. For disabled people, particularly those with mobility-related disabilities, these platforms provide greater autonomy, allowing them to work in a way that accommodates their needs without the constraints of daily commutes or rigid schedules.

By 2019, her freelancing experience led to a breakthrough opportunity—she was offered a job at a fully remote for-profit social enterprise that focuses on providing sustainable, meaningful employment for disadvantaged communities, including individuals with disabilities.

With this, work became her joy. She found fulfilment not only in the results of her labour but also in the stability it provided. Beyond employment, the internet became a crucial tool in her daily life. It facilitated tasks that would have otherwise been difficult or inaccessible—from paying bills and managing finances to ordering her medication through MyUBAT, investing, and saving for future care when her mother is no longer around.

Balance as the Key to Pleasure and Joy in Digital Spaces

Coming from a community where culture and religion play a central role in shaping values, Hemz grew up surrounded by the belief that strict adherence to these traditions was the path to pleasure and joy. However, her own experiences and perspectives led her to see things differently.

“I am not sure how I was ‘taught’ to perceive pleasure and joy, but now I understand that pleasure and joy are what you make it, not what you are made to believe.”

For Hemz, the key to joy and pleasure online is balance. Many experience joy through instant gratification, which she describes as “dopamine tsunamis instead of dopamine trickles.” In contrast, she consciously resists the pull of fleeting digital highs, short attention spans, and consumerist temptations. She refuses to conform to beauty standards and materialism, believing that “striking a balance is key amid these weapons of mass distraction.”

When used wisely, the internet can be an invaluable tool. It was, after all, through her page that she met her boyfriend in 2017. Despite taking precautions—disabling message requests and ignoring strangers online—she still encounters unwanted attention from men. Rather than letting it silence her, she takes control of the narrative.

“Most apologise, manipulate, and then threaten me to delete the posts. But I don’t sway at all. I am in total control here, and I do derive joy and pleasure by doxxing those men who refuse to take no as an answer from women.”

For Hemz, joy and pleasure are not about passively accepting what is dictated by society but about defining them on her own terms—and reclaiming control in a digital world that often seeks to take it away.

Safeguarding Women and Girls with Disabilities in Digital Spaces

Despite her outspoken digital presence, Hemz chooses to keep her health condition private online. She does not share full photos of herself or images of her in a wheelchair on social media. While in physical spaces, she stands out and inevitably attracts curiosity, in digital spaces, she prefers to remain low-profile, allowing her identity to exist beyond her disability.

Technology sometimes allows certain disabilities to be invisible, which can both facilitate and complicate social interactions. On one hand, this invisibility enables her to be judged solely on her thoughts and contributions, rather than on preconceived notions about her disability. On the other hand, it can also erase the unique experiences of disabled individuals, making it easier for their perspectives to be dismissed—especially when others are unaware of their disability.

This tension became clear when she created an engagement post inviting her followers to discuss their thoughts on disabled people getting married and what this meant for their spouses. Instead of fostering meaningful conversation, she was accused of being ableist by her own followers. The assumption that she was non-disabled led to misinterpretations of her words, highlighting how digital invisibility can create both freedom and erasure.

Learnings from Hemz’s Lived Experience

This case study illustrates how technology can serve as both an enabler and a barrier for disabled individuals. It creates spaces where disabled people can present different versions of themselves—versions that exist outside of societal perceptions and prejudices. In these digital spaces, they can define their own narratives, free from the assumptions that often dictate what they are perceived as capable of achieving.

Yet, this freedom of expression and right to exist in digital spaces does not come without a cost. Women with disabilities—particularly those with multiple marginalised identities—face technology-facilitated gender-based violence (TFGBV) that has compounding effects on both their digital and physical realities.

Despite these challenges, resistance, joy, and pleasure still persist in ways that often differ from mainstream understandings of happiness. Hemz’s experience shows that pleasure and joy do not always come from traditional or widely accepted sources. Instead, they can be found in work, in reclaiming power against sexist men who try to dominate, and in defying the limitations placed upon disabled women.

Her story is a testament to how joy and pleasure are deeply personal and self-defined. It reinforces the idea that they are not always about grand experiences, but rather about finding meaning and autonomy in everyday life.