June 28, 2025
Cal's Celebration of Life
The Burren Backroom, Somerville
I’m Cal’s nephew, and I don’t have anything written, which is probably a bad idea.
But I absolutely adored him. A lot of firsts, with Cal, for me. He was one of the first father figures in my life, easily.
My first memory of Cal was with Teri and Cal. Teri used to babysit me all the time. I grew up with my mom, Mary Keough, who was divorced from my dad when I was nine months old. And we were living with my grandparents, Nana and Papa. We were in West Roxbury. We moved a lot, I remember.
We were at the beach. So, Teri used to babysit me a lot, and she and Cal took me out to the beach. And I just thought this guy was the coolest guy I had ever seen. He was so strong, and he was funny, and he …
I don’t know—and I saw it with my own son, who is over here, who’s eleven now. When he was a baby and we were in Boston, and we were at [my aunt] Susan’s and we were on her balcony, there’s this video, which might be in some of the photo albums. He is a baby whisperer; he’s a kid whisperer. He was so perfect with children. It was just automatic. And I felt that and I saw it in my son, and I’ve seen it in everybody in between.
I don’t know, you know how sometimes dogs can be really good judges of character? Animals and kids like, they just know. And if the dog doesn’t like you, that doesn’t apply to you, by the way. It’s the dog, it’s crazy. That dog is nuts. [Laughter]
But Cal, man. He was just so enthusiastic, and he was so personable. And strong. Every family gathering we went to and he was there, I just felt … you know how you feel with family. It’s awesome. We love our family. But man, it’s stressful, right? There’s a lot that happens there sometimes. And you’re seeing people but.. there was something about Cal that was like … he was always Switzerland. He was neutral. [Laughter]. He’s there, and he’s happy, and he’s so happy to see you, and it didn’t matter what he was going through. He’d have a joke. And he’d ask how you were doing, and he meant it. And he’d say a bunch of stuff I didn’t understand at all [laughter], I didn’t care, because I loved listening to him. He was so much smarter than I am, and I would try to follow him and I’m like, I think I get it? And that was fine, you know?
Like I said, I didn’t prepare anything, and I don’t have too much, just a couple of things I want to share with you.
One of them is that Boston is an interesting city. Right? It’s a beautiful city; it’s got a lot of history. It’s also got a lot of demons. Teri’s eulogy talked about busing, and that’s still the reputation that Boston has, and it’s earned. And it’s unfortunate.
I grew up in Roslindale, and the place I lived in the most was on Glendower Road, from ages nine to fourteen. It was right up the street from the Beech Street projects. And I hung out with a bunch of white Irish kids who, you know, they found out I was part Italian (I think I told them one day), and they called me “guinea” all day. And it’s like, Alright. That wasn’t cool, and then I moved on. But it was worse —the kids weren’t bad kids; it was what was learned, right? White kids hung out with white kids, and Black kids hung out with Black kids.
I went to school where it was integrated. And for me, busing was actually really helpful. I got to see cultures that I didn’t experience in my neighborhood.
Most importantly, and the reason I mention Cal, is because I’d had experience with an African American, with a Jamaican man, who was a man that I wanted to be, from my earliest age.
And when kids I hung out with said stuff, as much as I wanted to fit in—and I wish I’d said more, because when you’re a kid and you want to fit in, and people say things that are wrong, you generally just say things or you listen or you go along with it —but because of Cal, I would say, No, that’s not right. Like I said, I didn’t do it all the time, but I’d do it.
And I grew up, and seeing Rachael, and realizing . . . just the beauty that we all have, right? And with family. It was so…. [trails off].
What I’m trying to say is that Cal was just a dude. He was an awesome dude. He was who I wanted to be.
I made a movie that deals with some of this, not really [Last Night in Rozzie]. I asked Teri and Rachael to help with it, and I asked Cal to help with it a bit, because I wanted to get it right, about that experience of Boston. And I’ll never know what it’s like. And the fact that Cal went through it as well and was never angry, he was never bitter, toward me, and he had every right to be a lot of times—I don’t know, we never talked about it. Maybe nobody ever said anything to him except that one kid when he was 10, but I doubt it.
Beautiful man. I am so lucky, just the timing of it. I came back… So, my wife Jill and I and Wylie, we live in Long Beach in LA, and it’s not exactly a hop, skip, and a jump. We’ve been here a lot lately, which is good and bad, right? For different reasons. But I was so lucky that I got to come back in December, and I was here for the last three days that Cal was with us. And I was in the hospital, and a bunch of us were there, coming in. Teri and Rachael were there every single day. Rachael was sleeping there on the most uncomfortable cot ever created. (I think it’s for dads when women are giving birth; they put the dad on the crappy couch that hurts… I was there for four days when Wylie was born, it’s the worst.) And she was there every night.
I remember holding Cal’s hand… I’ll just tell you, when I first came in, and he had been through so much, the cancer, and the medication and all this stuff. But he saw me, and he went [makes face of surprise and pleasure]. It was the greatest … just seeing his eyes light up like that, and then holding his hand and he talked a little bit, he talked as much as he could. I will keep that with me forever.
And then there was that decline. You know, that happens. Death happens to everybody (spoiler). To be there for somebody that you love, as painful as it is, and to be with other people that you love, who are so close to him… To be in that moment is as precious, is life-changing… It’s reformed my perspective on the world in many ways. Because that’s what it’s all about, right? We have a limited time on this planet; we have a limited time with each other. Sometimes it feels like too much, probably right now as I’m talking too long [laughs].
Oh, man. But it’s … at the end, you know? Those three days, that I got to go to the hospital and be with them—four of us were in the room, it was Teri, Rachael, Kathleen [Cal’s niece], and myself. And he disappeared without anybody knowing. That’s the way he did it. He wasn’t going to go until he knew that Rachael and Teri were OK. He hung on … he was like—it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going anywhere. Because he needed to know from them, and then they were able to tell him, We’re OK, we’re going to be OK—we’re going to miss you, terribly, it’s going to hurt, but we’re going to be OK. We’re taken care of. Let us take care of you, now.
That was the hard thing, because he didn’t want anyone to take care of him, he wanted to do it himself. And I think that was the thing he was fighting with. But he was able to let go. And like I said, all of us were talking, and we were watching him like a hawk, his breath had become so slow, it was impossible. We kept thinking, Is it now? Is it now? I hope this isn’t too much to share with you guys, I just found it to be beautiful that it probably had been a few moments. That he needed to know that we were just … living. Doing our thing. So that he could slip away. And that’s what happened. He Irish goodbyed us, guys. He Irish goodbyed us. He shady bounced [laughter]. Totally. Didn’t even say bye, gone.
But man, we got to tell him how much we loved him and we felt his hand squeeze every time we said something to him like that. And we knew that he got it. And we knew how much he loved us. And you were all there with us, and with him. And he’s here with us right now. I absolutely believe it. I’m so grateful to be here with all of you and to hear your beautiful words about Cal and to celebrate him. It’s been a while and it’s well worth it. Teri and Rachael, thank you both so much for doing this, this is amazing. Love you guys, and hope you have a great rest of your day.
We’ve got someone else to turn it over to, who means the absolute world to me and I know meant the world to Cal as well. Sean, are you ready? [Yup.] Alright, Cousin Sean, Sean Daley [applause].