Every day, every student should leave your classroom feeling loved and capable. No matter what kind of fantastic or horrendous day occurred, they should leave feeling loved.

Restorative practices are the most important strategy in relationship building and maintaining, and behavior management.

I know teaching is tough. I know there are days where all you want to do is go home. I know feelings and thoughts of quitting or negative self-talk bog us down. We’re human after all. But we’re also super-human. We are educators. As such, we have a responsibility, neigh, an obligation to be just that. If all we want to do is cry, we are adults. We have the power and the choice to change our mindset, even if only for a few minutes. And it’s something we have to do.

Situation: Toby has difficulty keeping his hands to himself, hitting, slapping, or punching anyone around him. After a few weeks, the teacher is very tired and hurt seeing their students constantly battered. Toby finally hits someone and leaves a mark. The teacher writes a discipline referral and pulls Toby aside. Instead of making Toby feel like he’s bad, or incapable, the teacher tells Toby that everyone has bad days. It’s OK. But it’s not OK to put hands on friends. The teacher uses a situation to explain to Toby how others feel, knowing he’s in the egocentric phase of development. Toby cries because he’s scared about the consequence of the discipline referral. But on the way back from delivering it, the teacher turns to Toby and tells him he’s a great kid. The teacher tells him that he’s allowed to have some bad moments, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad day. Toby and his teacher discuss what he did well that day. When it’s time to leave, though Toby had to sit at a desk by himself for the rest of the day, the teacher gives him a big hug and tells him they love him and he’s a pretty great kid.

Now, I know that situation seems ideal and not too bad. What if the student won’t sit and listen to a “pep talk”? What if the student goes to the Principal’s office and doesn’t return? What if the student begins flipping furniture or elopes and leaves the school and the authorities are called?

If the student won’t listen to a pep talk, try anyways. Write them a note, or at least tell them you love them. If they go to the Principal’s office, make sure you see them before they leave. If not, call them after school. If the student’s behavior escalates, wait until deescalation. If that doesn’t happen, call at the end of the day to let them know you’re thinking of them. Talk to them on the phone.

The most important thing is a restorative practice and students leaving feeling loved and capable. Loved because they’re all wonderful, even with their different personalities and quirks. And capable because every day is a new day and a chance to try again.