Reflections

To demonstrate mastery of Standards 2 and 6, I will be using my literary criticism of "Lin Lan" through the lens of a feminist theory and my first blog post "The Genie Appears."

In my first submission of my literary criticism of "Lin Lan," I did not hit all the learning targets of Standard 2. Although I had a good foundation with my claim and language, some of my reasoning was weak and I didn't analyze the story from a clear feminist lens. However, after conferencing with Mrs. Fusaro and revising it, I believe I have now written a strong cohesive essay (2A).

When reading "Lin Lan," I was struck by how the rivalry between Beauty and Pock Face was the focus of the story instead of the male love interest, so I decided to analyze its feminist and unfeminist components by today's standards (2C, 2H). The structure of my essay has a clear pros-and-cons format, with the first paragraph explaining the ways in which Beauty's strength is emphasized and the second explaining how she is still a reflection of the power imbalance between women and men (2B, 6A). To support my argument, I selected quotes from the source material to indicate tone in the characters' dialogue. It's difficult to truly explain the gravity of some of Beauty's statements through pure paraphrasing, so I quoted some of Beauty's statements like "Fishmongers always stink" and "Your daughter's flesh" to show her distaste towards anyone she perceived to be beneath her and her ruthlessness towards her stepmother (2D). In my first draft, I made some errors in citation, so I have definitely learned about appropriate MLA formatting and improved my grammar through writing this piece (6C, 6E).

One of the writing mistakes I often make is having a lack of transitions and straying from my thesis, so after much revision, I restructured my ideas in a way where they flowed and made sense. For both paragraphs, I presented my evidence in chronological order to show clear distinctions in time and place (2F). I also revised my writing to be more concise and evocative with words like "shocking," "trophy," and "toiled" (2E, 6D). To add depth and breadth to my writing, I analyzed the significance and consequence of character actions such as the suitors' quick proposals to Beauty. Their dialogue seem fine when read for entertainment, but when analyzed with a feminist lens, they show a clear power imbalance in which men are free to propose to any women they desire, even if the men "stink" or "are covered with dust." If a woman dressed in shabby clothes proposed to a majestic prince, she would most likely be laughed at or viewed as sinful, but even peasant men are bold to Beauty because they know they have the upper hand (2I). Finally, my conclusion sentence of this analysis essay acknowledges the grey areas of analyzing "Lin Lan" through a feminist lens (2G). I believe that there is no perfect piece of literature because our standards will always change depending on the person and the time. Just because there are places where Beauty is empowered and places where she is treated like a trophy doesn't mean that "Lin Lan" is good or bad--if you can even judge it on such a scale. This is just my perspective, and I'm sure there will be many more.

To demonstrate further mastery of standards 2 and 6, I point to my short story "The Genie Appears." I enjoy creative writing because it's a chance to use my imagination and flesh out my own characters, and to a bookworm, characters are everything. I can't remember what my inspiration for this story was, but I wanted to write about fantastical elements in a modern setting--and so Robin Clayson from the Golden Wish Association was born. It's not the most original name, but I had a lot of fun writing his sarcastic dialogue as well as Emma's flustered thoughts. To develop my writing style and characters' voices, I used simple, compound, and complex sentences to reflect what the characters were feeling at the moment (6B). As I continue to write more creative pieces, I'll be sure to work on my weaknesses like redundancy, but right now, I'm very proud of my work.

To demonstrate mastery of Standards 1 and 3, I will be using my writing piece about the Book of the Dead and Norse mythology presentation.

In my analysis and reflection on the National Geographic documentaries about the Book of the Dead and ancient Egyptian afterlife, I first summarize what I learned and use this information to answer how ancient Egyptians' perceptions of the dead illustrate their life philosophies (1A, 1E). I then reflect on how the idea of fearing nonexistence can have different interpretations across different times—while I and the people around me don't fear not having an afterlife, we do fear having no sense of purpose and impact of our existence (1F). I then analyze how the structure of the documentaries, such as the inclusion of two separate timelines, expert testimonies, and historical reenactments provide greater clarity, appeal to the audience, and create a lasting impact on the viewer (1B, 1C, 1D).

In my team's Norse mythology presentation, we presented an analysis of the stories "The Treasures of the Gods" and "The Master Builder." Because we weren't able to articulate everything clearly in our original presentation, I will be providing further explanation in this checkpoint reflection (3A).

First, Loki's use of trickery plays a key part in both of these stories, so in our presentation, we analyzed how his actions as a joker, rebel, and seductress resulted in many consequences like misunderstandings and the unexpected responsibility of motherhood (3I). The unintended consequences from such a morally gray character build intrigue in the reader because he doesn't fit the usual "bad guy" archetype (3B, 3D). For example, in "The Treasures of the Gods," Loki's trickery deprived Sif of her beautiful hair and angered Thor, but his trickery to the dwarves also gave him and the other gods many treasures such as Thor's famed Mjölnir. To readers, this situational irony can mean that when your plans fail, you can always think of new solutions and may even have some good unintended consequences (3H). Furthermore, Loki's character combined with the quick escalation of his punishment exposes his weaknesses and humanizes him, leading the reader to see Norse gods not as all-powerful rulers, but beings that are also vulnerable to failure (3C). We are still fascinated with Loki's morally gray story today—in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, he is one of the most popular characters and was even "revived" to advance his character development (3F). Loki is just fumbling around for purpose, and we can all relate to that.

Through the lens of the new historicism critical theory, Loki's character also holds Norse cultural significance when we consider that the the Norse lived by a code of conduct called the Hávamál, which means the sayings of the “High One” (aka Odin) (3G). Loki causes a lot of trouble for Odin by disrupting the order of things, and the severe consequences of his trickery serves as a foil to Odin and reinforces the Norse peoples' belief in the importance of living properly and wisely. A common code of conduct is crucial to surviving in a land with freezing temperatures and limited resources—while little pranks probably provided some entertainment, people like Loki would've been detrimental to their communities by stirring up trouble they didn't need (3J). This also has potential universal significance because pranks can result in disaster, as seen in today's local news when a reckless action creates extensive property damage or fatal injuries (3E).

Now, onto my personal reflection. I recently read the book Quiet by Susan Cain, which has thoroughly changed the way I view myself and my learning process as an introvert. For example, I read and write best when I'm alone in a quiet space. I realized that on days when we work on our portfolios in class, my inability to concentrate sometimes isn't indicative of my academic ability, but my learning needs, and I should find something else that I can work on during class instead of forcing myself to write. It sounds very simple, and I did realize this before reading Quiet, but I still felt like I should've been able to concentrate when others were, too. After reading about the psychology behind introverts vs. extroverts and personal anecdotes from introverts, I've become a lot more confident in my abilities such as listening and introspection.

To demonstrate mastery of standard 5, I will be using my part of my group's presentation of Chinese mythology.

First, my groupmate Chris and I performed a little skit to tell the Chinese creation story, with him narrating and me presenting small illustrations. We played off of each other as he "insulted" me and I either brushed it off or huffed to show my annoyance, which thankfully got some laughs (5F). Afterwards, I spoke about how the Pangu creation story is important to Chinese mythology because his birth released the universe and set the scene for other events. I also connected it to the Big Bang Theory because in both accounts, an explosion from a small thing creates the world as we know it (5G). During my presentation, I made eye contact with the audience and used hand gestures to emphasize my points while maintaining a clear and strong voice (5A, 5B, 5D, 5E).

Outside of this presentation, I have had many discussions about the class reading material with my peers. Today (April 4), I discussed the painting "The Triumph of Death" by Bruegel with my groupmate Sofia. We noticed that there were many Christian crosses throughout the painting, concentrated especially on the right where skeletons are herding humans into a huge box. We thought that this meant that when one faces death, they can still count on their faith in the afterlife, and if we connect it to Interview with the Vampire, Louis still constantly thinks about God and morality after being turned into a vampire (5C).

As for my personal growth as a learner, Interview with the Vampire has widened my thinking to a great extent. During the beginning of the unit, I enjoyed learning about the history of vampirism and was particularly mind-blown by Peter Nicholls's quote about monsters reflecting social class: vampires as refined aristocrats, werewolves as the unstable middle class, and zombies as deprived, working-class creatures. I have seen these images of monsters in other books I've read like the Shadowhunters series by Cassandra Clare and the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer, but I never really connected the dots to a greater order that reflects human society. Reading the Interview with the Vampire has also exposed me to a world that's much more dark and gritty than I'm used to. While past books that I've read had plots concerning action or romance, this book is more slow and very focused on Louis's life story and his struggles with morality, which makes an interesting and sometimes confusing reading experience. Still, I can't deny that Anne Rice's characters are very complex and compelling, especially Claudia with her woman's mind trapped in a child's body. I also enjoy the discussions about morality and how humans interact with the vampires in this book, viewing them as the "other" with fear, disgust, intrigue, or more. This can be connected to many groups of people in our modern society, and I look forward to seeing how Louis's story ends.

To demonstrate mastery of Standard 4, I will be using my blog post "The Mercurial Miserable Mercury" and my group's Monster Project.

For my short story "The Mercurial Miserable Mercury," I drafted and edited it multiple times (see "Writing Process for Blog #2"). My inspiration for this was a writing prompt from the Instagram page @writing.prompt.s, and at first, I thought of my protagonist as only a character trying to help her patients feel more fulfilled. However, as I kept writing, I started to think of a world where the protagonist is actually employed by a supervillain agency and her patients are trying to break into the supervillain industry for money or fame. As a result, my protagonist became more world-weary and the patient Mercury more desperate and outrageous, and I changed the dialogue to reflect that (4A, 4C). Throughout the story, I wanted to craft a lighthearted tone to make it comedic, with Mercury obsessing over the temperature of his very specific coffee order and fixating on his monologues (wordiness being something that I'm trying to combat myself). I also decided to skip the exposition and plunged the reader right into Mercury's rant, later following their conversation with some inner thoughts from the therapist. This helped to lessen the challenge of making the story short, developed, and digestible at the same time (4B, 4D).

In my group's Monster Project, our script was constantly edited and reordered to fit new ideas we had. One scene I wrote was the cafe scene, where my character Mei and Chris's character Tuan have a "meet cute" moment. At first, it seems coincidental, where destiny has led them to meet each other at this exact place and time, but in the end, Tuan is watching Mei through the cafe window and it's implied that he calculated the whole encounter. The purpose of this scene was to slip in an early warning sign of Tuan's two-faced character, where he only shows his good side to Mei but is very manipulative in reality (4E). I also changed the color scheme of Mei's outfits throughout the film to reflect her character progression. In the beginning during character introductions and the beginning of our romantic relationship, I wear pink and purple sweaters to reflect my happy state. As I become closer to Tuan and side with him during fights with my friends, I wear black and white outfits similar to his. This contrast is explicitly revealed at the end of the film, where monochromatic Mei stares into the mirror and the camera flashes back to my cheerful introduction at the beginning (4G). To develop the theme of cycles of unhealthy relationships, we also tried to show two sides to both Mei's and Tuan's characters. For Mei, she is generally optimistic but feels vulnerable due to her unstable home life, making her more malleable by Tuan. I found that this was a challenging plot point to manage, because I didn't want to make it seem like we were blaming her for falling victim to Tuan's abuse, but I also wanted to acknowledge outside factors to make the plot more realistic. On the other side of the relationship, Tuan is obsessive about Mei and manipulates her into spending more time with him, but his neglectful mother made him also vulnerable as a child. All of this was meant to show that all of our relationships--both platonic and romantic--affect us in very deep ways. Others can skew our thoughts and narrow our worldview, leading us to act in negative ways towards others, creating a continuous cycle of pain that may take a long time to stop (4F).

Through this term's Monster Project, I experienced crafting a full 17-minute film for the first time, and it was full of struggles and achievements. When our group brainstormed ideas in our first working session, I was actually surprised by how quickly we came to the consensus of having a creepy stalker as our monster. Of course, we refined this monster over time, choosing to focus on manipulation more than stalking, but the heart of the monster remained the same. I felt most engaged during these "aha!" moments, when someone would have an idea to pivot the film in a new direction and get all of us to generate new ideas. One striking example was towards the end of our filming process, when I started to think that our ending (Mei realizing that Tuan was manipulating her and leaving him) wasn't realistic enough because of the video's time constraints. During a conference, someone had the idea to make Mei a monster herself, rejecting her friends and past life as she becomes more and more similar to Tuan. That sparked a conversation between all of us and gave the team a boost of energy, which was very inspiring.

However, I also struggled with managing my stress and coordinating our filming sessions as the organizer. I found that I would waver between 2 mindsets: 1, "We are developing a great monster that's applicable to real life and hopefully impactful ~yay!" and 2, "Oh dear, why did we make this complicated and how will we fully develop our plot and characters to do them justice while also making the filming as efficient as possible to accommodate everyone's schedules..." Working with a 6-person team helped to alleviate this stress, but dividing the work also required adaptive thinking as new events like AP exams and the Multicultural Show popped up. To aid in this, we communicated through our iMessages group chat and texted updates often, especially during the editing process when our new scenes didn't reflect the original script in our Google Doc. One thing I've learned is that I need to work on articulating my worries because I can sometimes be vague when caught up in my stress, leading to more stress if it causes confusion in others. I think I will improve as I continued to work in new environments--in college, workplaces, personal conversations, and more.

If I look at my personal development over the full year, I would say that this portfolio itself was a huge source of growth. Taking the time to reflect on my assignments in Modern Mythology and explain exactly which parts had good and bad results has helped my writing improve, especially because I've learned to probe more deeply with the help of Mrs. Fusaro's prompts. This has also helped in my college applications and résumés, where I have to constantly explain my background, goals, struggles, and achievements and change details depending on the recipient of my writing. Designing this online portfolio has also forced me to face my work and normalize my mistakes to myself. In the past, I was very hesitant to craft an online presence because I didn't want to miswrite or lead someone to misinterpret my meanings due to what I thought was poor writing. However, I've realized that vulnerability and these feedback loops are necessary to craft engaging pieces and improve my writing skills.