stories

Growing up in Bangladesh, there were many times that the power in our family home went out. Whenever that would happen, we would light up the house with candles. One day, when the lights had gone out and our parents had lit the necessary candles, my oldest brother asked our mother if he could touch the flames. Of course, like any protective mother, she told him no, but he continued to insist, asking our parents over and over if he could feel the fire. My dad took a different approach. He told my brother, go ahead and touch but your finger will burn.

My brother eagerly reached out his hand. Of course, he pulled it back immediately from the heat, his finger slightly singed. My middle brother stood by watching this whole time, listening to our oldest sibling and wondering what would happen. My father turned to my middle brother with a slightly amused smile and asked him if he too would like to touch the burning candle. He said no.

My dad turned to all of us kids and told us, there are two kinds of people. One type of person learns by touching the flame. The other learns from watching the first type.

Whether you learn by doing or observing, it’s important to identify which type you are. Both modes of learning are valuable. When you know which pattern you are more likely to gravitate to, you can start to implement both in your life. Self-awareness is a precious gift.

When I worked in a nursing home, I met a woman in her 60s who wanted to be in a relationship, but like so many of us, she was having trouble finding someone. I couldn’t understand this because there were so many eligible men all around us. As I thought about it more and listened to the woman, I realized she didn’t believe she would find someone, or even that anyone that suited her was around. This outlook was clouding her vision. The reality of her situation was filtered through a lens that would always confirm the pattern she expected to see. This isn’t something unique to this woman. This is something everyone has experienced at one point or another. For example, it could be something as small as purchasing a certain car and then realizing that that car is everywhere. All of a sudden, you see that car popping up in parking lots, drive-thru's, or even on T.V. Is this happening spontaneously, this make and model became explosively popular? No, it’s not. You bought the car, and now your brain is looking for it, finding patterns in everything.

I had another patient, a man who had broken his hip. He was recovering well, and it seemed he would fully heal from his injury. However, as the time for him to go home came closer and closer he grew less confident. In fact, he was terrified to leave. He was certain that if he went home, he would break his hip again. I said to him, “It’s raining outside.” He looked at me funny and said he couldn’t hear the rain, but he hadn’t been outside today, so he didn’t know for sure what the weather was like. “So you won’t know for sure what it’s like until you go outside?” I questioned.

Assumptions are mind-altering. They set up the patterns we see in the universe. We have power over our assumptions however, power to change them, or overcome them entirely. Therefore, we can change the patterns we see in our lives. Our situation in life is not stagnant. We have choice to see patterns in our lives, and based on the patterns we choose to see, our outcomes can be significantly different.

I used to manage a hair salon for over 2 years when suddenly my father became very ill. My mother was alone in Bangladesh and it was very urgent for me to go see my family back in my country. I asked the owner of the salon if I could leave for two weeks to help take care of my family. His response shocked me, he told me it wasn't the right time to leave and if I did I was going to lose my job. Without hesitation I booked a flight to Bangladesh. Even after knowing I was fired I gave my assistant manager all the details and instructions she needed in order to run the salon. I left the very next day. After the 2 weeks passed and I arrived back home, I got a call from the owner of the salon. He asked to meet me and continued to explain how pleased he was to see that I left such detailed instructions for the assistant. He offered me my job back and apologized as he realized how responsible and truly caring I was. This goes to show that if you can stay a genuine hard working person in your job you will not need to chase what rightfully belongs to you.

A few years ago I experienced very severe back pain, to the point where I could barely stand. I would lay in bed for hours in pain. A close friend of mine would visit me daily during these times. Not only was it just a 5 min check in, but she would lay next to me in silence for hours. She was aware I wasn't able to move and that i would barely even want to speak but she ensured to never make me feel a sense of loneliness. She came in daily, not because I asked her to but because she knew that I needed it and would appreciate it. To this day thinking back to how she always made time for me in her busy schedule brings me so much peace. Friends like her are very important. Having a sense of peace cannot be forced, it can only be felt when given by the right people. I encourage always being friendly and making sure others are doing well because I know and appreciate the times she was there for me.

I am very blessed that I am surrounded by so many caring friends who always come forward and extend their helping hands when needed. One special event comes to my mind which I want to share with you all. When my father passed away, my son was only 6 years old and my daughter was around 4 months. I was very lost and confused during these times. Luckily I had a great friend who was able to take care of me during this difficult time. She called every single person in our community and coordinated individual prayers for my family. We held a small ceremony in my house. She also provided food for all of us and organized everything for my family. All I had left to do was hand her the credit card. I am so grateful she is my friend and that I am surrounded by such nice people.

I had a close family friend who I looked at as a younger brother. He was getting engaged and needed to get an engagement present in a very short period of time. I could tell he was lost and a little stressed on what to do. So I offered him the new gold set of bangles I had just got. He accepted my offer gratefully, but then came to return them just a few days after. He returned the bengals to me because he was able to find a new present for his bride. He then made a point that never came to mind. He could have very easily kept the bengals and given the new present he had bought, or even sold the bengals for his own profit but obviously he would not have done this, but he brought this up to me because he saw easily i was able to trust him with such high value belongings. I always trust others with no doubt because it is better for me to do so than to doubt another person. If the other person wants to be dishonest then at least I know I did my part. Along with returning the bengals he told me that he also gave me the same respect as his own mother.To this day he always gives me a call on mothers day.

The easiest thing to do in life is point fingers at others and blame others for anything done wrong. Before trying to blame anyone else you need to reevaluate and check if you need to blame yourself first. It may be hard at first accepting the truth but once you can accept that you can move forward. You cannot fix what others have done wrong but you can fix what you yourself have done wrong. Focus on your own mistakes and learn and grow from that.

We clean our house, kitchen and bedrooms almost daily. If we were to wait a whole year to clean our mess up there would be a lot more permanent damage. It would also be a lot harder of a job to get done then if we were to have simply cleaned along the way. Just like our brains we must clean and take care of our mental health regularly so that there is never a large buildup of stress or negative emotions. Because of this, whatever you may be dealing with on any day, you must try your best not to avoid the situation. Pushing it away will only add to the stress later. It is better to deal with what you have to in the present moment so you can have a clear mind to focus on what is needed everyday.

Many people depend on daily habits to feel better such as drinking coffee every morning, working out, or even going shopping. But once these activities are taken from us we tend to blame our negative emotions on this. What many people need to realize is that you can not be dependent on anything in life but yourself. Of course these activities should bring you joy but it should not be the root cause of your happiness. You must be happy within yourself and never allow other things to have control of that. Because they can all easily be taken away from you anyday.

Just like a TV remote controls theTV, once you allow another person or activity to control your mood, they will have the power to turn your happiness off and on if you allow them to take over your emotions and depend on them to be happy.

Whatever you may be trying to accomplish in life you must have all three of these aligned, body, mind and spirit. Even if just one of these are imbalanced you will struggle more to reach your desired destination or path in life.

One day on my day off, I received an unexpected message from my manager, asking if I could come into work for her. I said yes. When I arrived at the salon, I noticed an older couple talking quietly with one another. I realized that they couldn’t afford two haircuts that day. The woman said to her husband that she would cut his hair for him at home. Hearing that they could not afford two haircuts and seeing the disappointment in their faces stirred something in me. So I offered to cut the man’s hair and to pay for it myself. When I finished cutting his hair, the smile on this man’s face had me bursting with happiness. I thought that that was reason enough to be grateful I decided to come into work, that I could give someone the simple but meaningful gift of a nice haircut. But later that same day, a young sweet girl came into the shop to get her hair trimmed. And as it turned out, this girl was a writer who needed a life coach. I was amazed- I was a life coach who needed writing help! We figured out quickly that we needed each other. It was one of those moments of kismet that remind me that everything is connected.

Life is a circle. If you take care of somebody, you will find that, perhaps unexpectedly, the universe will take care of you. The things we put out into the world have a way of coming back around.

There will be times when someone or some situation will shake your confidence. Say you’re at a party and nobody approaches you. You feel ignored, uncomfortable, and alone. Or maybe someone tells you they don’t like your clothes or that your outfit doesn’t match your favorite piece of jewelry. You love the way you look in this outfit- you can’t let someone else’s opinion change the way you feel about yourself. Always be confident. When someone says something about you that you know is untrue, laugh it to yourself. You know who you are. If somebody can not see you clearly, that is not your problem.

I once spoke with a husband and wife. The wife came to me and asked me to tell her husband that he is not allowed to dance with other people, if he wants to dance, he can only do it with her. Separately, the husband came to me and told me to tell his wife she can’t drink.

When I told the husband what his wife had asked, he said that he would try to follow her wishes, but he simply loves dancing. But his wife said she needed a guarantee, a promise, right now. He also demanded she agree to quit drinking. The wife did not have a drinking problem, she would occasionally have one drink or maybe two when she went out. They were at a standstill.

You can not change who you are. You should not have to change who you are to please someone else. Learning to have faith, respect, and love in all your relationships is vital to have healthy connections.

One day, as I was preparing for a family celebration, I had two saris (one blue one and one green one) to offer to my mother and my mother-in-law for them to wear. First, I went to my mother and asked her which one she wanted. My mom asked me which one I thought was better. I said they’re both good, but I think the blue one is a little better. I thought she should choose that one and I would give the green one to my mother-in-law. My mom refused. Why doesn’t she want the best one? I thought. My mom explained to me that I should let my mother-in-law choose first, because a mother will always love her daughter unconditionally, but the love and trust of a mother-in-law is something that must be earned.

So I took my mom’s advice, strange as I thought it was, and I offered the two options to my mother-in-law first. She was so happy that I asked her first! She couldn’t believe it. She ended up choosing the green one (that was her favorite) and I gave the blue one to my mother.

Now, my mother still always reminds me to treat my mother-in-law with love and respect. And we have a great relationship! You have to give it to earn it.

There are times in life when you just need to do the thing you’re unsure about. Taking a risk or doing something that makes you uncomfortable can have a big payoff!

At the salon where I work, one of our managers was leaving so all the stylists decided to throw her a farewell party. When I asked the owner of the salon, Bill, if he would be there, he said no. I encouraged him to make the time to join us for the party. It would make all of his employees so happy. He reluctantly agreed.

When it came time for the farewell party, Bill showed up and everyone was thrilled. Knowing that our boss cared about us was so heartwarming and Bill realized how much he meant to everyone.

It’s important to make time to just get out and do things with the people around us. I joke around now with Bill that he needs to just do it anytime he seems hesitant.

You never know when someone may become a lifelong friend. 21 years ago, I started working at a new salon owned by a man named Bill. I was his first employee and I worked closely with him for a number of years and we developed a friendship. I took on other jobs in my stylist career but I eventually decided that I wanted to come back and work with Bill again. I trusted him and knew I could rely on my good friend.

Despite the years that had passed, Bill very generously offered me a flexible job where I could work the hours I wanted. I was so appreciative! Building up that friendship over the years has been so gratifying. I never knew when I first met Bill that we would end up being friends for so long or how generous he would be when I needed a new job. I learned from this experience to always give my best self to others. Great friends are easy to come by when you treat everyone with kindness.

One day while I was dying a client's hair, I had to wait 30 minutes to begin the next step. Because I had a break, I thought I would go to the vending machine to buy a cake and coffee as a snack. I asked my client if she also wanted anything, and she kindly requested a cake. I said no problem and went off to the vending machine. When I got to the break room, I realized I only had $2 and I needed $4 to buy cake for both of us. I decided I would get the cake for my client because I already offered. After putting in my $2 for the one cake, to my surprise and delight, the machine dispensed two cakes! Many people will say this was a coincidence or the machine was broken. I think this was fate. Despite being a simple example, there are several similar scenarios everyday that show grace in life and how somethings are just meant to happen for the right reasons.

আকাশ তার বৌ নীলাকে ভীষণ ভালবাসতো। পথ চলার পথে অনেক ঘটনা ঘটে, আবার সময়ের সাথে ঠিক হয়ে যায়। কোন এক সময় এমনি একটা ঘটনা ঘটলো। সেটা বেশ জটিল হয়ে গেল সংসারে। আকাশ তার বৌ এর কাছে যেয়ে বললো, দেখ এই রকম ব্যবহার বা কাজটা আমার পছন্দ না।তুমি করো না। এটা আমাকে কষ্ট দেয়। বউ চিন্তা করে বলেছিল আকাশকে, এমন কিছু আর হবে না ভালই ছিল ওদের দুজনের সংসার। অনেকটা দিন চলে গেল। আকাশের মনে আর কষ্ট নেই। ওরা বেশ ভাল ছিল। হঠাৎ একদিন বুঝতে পারলো তার আদরের বউ একই ভুল আবার করেছে। আগে হলে বেশ চেচামেচি করতো। রেগে বাসার জিমিষ ছোড়াছুড়ি করতো। চলে যেত বন্ধুর বাসায়। আর আজকে সে কিছুই করে নাই। আকাশ আর তার বউ পাশাপাশি বসে আছে। বউ হয়তবা বুঝতে পারে নাই তার আকাশ কত দূরে চলে গেছে তার থেকে। আকাশ তার বউ এর দিকে তাকিয়ে মনে মনে বললো আমার মনে থাকবে জানুয়ারী মাস ২০২২ এর কথা।

আকাশের ছোট নীড়টাকে তার বউ শান্তির নীড় বানাতে পারতো যদি সে আকাশের ব্যাপারে একটু concerned হতো এবং তার পছন্দ -অপছন্দের দিকে একটু খেয়াল রাখতো। তাহলে এ করুণ পরিণতি হয়তো হতো না।