Fortnightly Meet Ups

What The Dads Say

"Superdads the lot of them sharing experiences what life is like with autism. A good outlet to vent anger and laughter too, with no judgement. love meeting up with the guys to chat have drink(if you want), I have been going since it started and I think we have become a band of brothers."

Neil Cox

"My name is Jon, I was invited to attend Dads group by Craig while my son was playing in the soft play at Daisy Chain 2017.

Our boy Joshua hadn't been given his diagnosis at this point and although we were already well over a year or so on the pathway we had only just started to attend Daisy Chains Saturday morning sessions. My wife and I were lost and were coming to terms with accepting that our little boys journey through life would be different and harder than we could have imagined.

We were hearing and reading about horror stories of ever increasing waiting times and felt very let down by the whole system. We wanted to do the best we could for our boy but we, as I said before were lost, there is a sea of information some of it conflicting some of it very upsetting and loads of it tough to get your head round when you are coming to terms with ASD and that is where the Dads have helped me the most I guess.

After some persuading by the wife I attended the next Dads Group meet up. I was nervous and didn't know what to expect but Craig and the other dads made me feel very welcome and accepted straight away. We talked a little about Autism and my boy and their families and I soon realised that I wasn't alone in the way I felt and that these guys were in the same boat as me.

One of the biggest benefits that I find about meeting up with these guys is that you can go along and talk autism and about your struggles or you can go to escape it and have a guilt free laugh and pint or two. All the Dads there are either going through the same or have seen it/ dealt with it and come through the other side.

I have become very close friends with the other dads and know that if I am struggling that they are just a message or phone call away. Our families have all become friends too after attending many of the activities put on by some of the local charities.

If you are a Dad or male carer of someone with Autism please don't struggle alone, come have a drink (most meets there is at least 1 or more only drinking pop so don't feel that not drinking is a barrier) and a chat with other people that have the same concerns and worries and in a lot of cases some answers to the millions of questions whizzing around in your head.

I would be lost If I had not turned up to that first session and made friends with these guys."

Jon Harwood

"Hi, my name is Craig. I started Dad's group back in October 2016. My wife and I have 3 children and our oldest, George, is now 12.

George was diagnosed with ASD and sensory processing disorder when he was 3 and severe ADHD when he was 8.

He is high functioning, intelligent and has a wicked sense of humour. He flaps often and has some tics which he struggles with.

Why Dad's group?

As George was growing up, I found it extremely difficult to understand his behaviour. The mix of emotions I would go through was overwhelming, usually feeling highly frustrated, sometimes embarrassed, confused, guilty, stressed and worried.

How does his thought process work? Will he be able to live independently when he is older? Why does he flap and tic? Why is he so accident prone? Why doesn't he understand simple instructions? Why does he fight so much with his sisters? What can I do that I am not already doing? Why is it so hard? Why don’t I understand him?

AND WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

I was constantly going over these questions and feelings in my mind, not really able/comfortable to share it with my close friends and family. I am his dad, I am supposed to know this stuff, right?

I would get angry often in frustration with George which would inevitably turn into heavy parental guilt.

As a family we were accessing services and education through Daisy Chain, a great charity in Stockton on Tees in which we learned a lot about ASD. Most sessions were during work hours so were mostly attended by my wife (who is amazing by the way!). I work full time so couldn’t really get to most of the sessions on offer.

What I really wanted was to talk to someone like me, that could break it down and explain it to me in simple terms, rather than a formal classroom session.

Daisy Chain’s Dad's group sessions were useful for me, but still felt a bit too formal and were not regular enough, which is why in 2016 I set up this group, which meets every fortnight in a more relaxed setting (yes, the pub), where I was able to meet other Dad's, just like me.

Some who were in denial, felt a bit lost, a bit unsure, struggling to know what the future holds. Others seemed more confident, had more experience that they could share. What became apparent is that they all felt the same or similar. They worried, had stress, felt guilty, wanted better relationships with their kids and their partners. Some were going through much harder times than I was!

I wasn’t alone.

They could signpost me to other services, charities, experts, schools and shared what knowledge and experience they had. In addition to all this, the group is also a short welcome break for Dad’s who need to get out of the house for an hour or two, to clear their head and maybe have a well deserved pint or two. There is no pressure to talk specifically about ASD (and sometimes they don’t).

Over the last 3 and a half years, we have built a strong, core group of Dad's, who chat every day, support each other and share their experiences in a way I just could not do with my other friends or colleagues. They have become my friends for life. We are now experiencing ASD together, not alone.

Our families meet regularly at various activities and we regularly do things together outside of the group. Their support has been invaluable and I really don't know what I would have done without them.

I understand George a lot better now, my anger and frustration has reduced greatly (it will never fully go away, they are still kids after all!). My confidence in him and myself has grown. The parental guilt and stress is not as bad as it used to be, and when it feels like it is getting bad, I am only 1 message away from a bunch of lads who know exactly how I feel and will lift me up instantly, no questions asked. I am extremely fortunate to have found them.

If the above sounds like you (or your partner/friend/relative) and you haven't joined one of our meet-ups or other activities, then please do come to the next one, trust me, it is worth it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this."

Craig Alewood

"Hi guys I'm a dad to Ethan & Tamzin.

Ethan is 6 years old & was referred to the MAAT clinic by the paediatrician after his 2.5 year check up. He had speech delay & showed a few signs of autism. Some people told us he wasn’t autistic, some said he was & others didn’t know so although he was clearly abit “different” to children his age we were never really sure.

From being referred to him being diagnosed autistic in May 2019, I have attended many a Dads night, it's not all autism chat, some is just total madness of random banter, sports talk as well as more, but also we have the option if we would like to discuss any problems or strategies we can share with the other guys.

Even though we meet at a pub usually, we have also attended many events such as game night, go karting and a few of the guys went to an Indoor snow centre.

I've became great friends with the lads and have totally enjoyed the nights since the beginning, even as we are starting to come out of lockdown due to Covid-19, many of us have still kept appearances via google meets to host a online dads night.

If you are wondering is it worth coming along... I'd say what you waiting for.. I think you'll be surprised."

Darren Mcquade

"I have two sons Liam (14) and Daniel (13). Daniel has a very rare genetic condition called Tatton-Brown Rahman Syndrome (TBRS), which brings with it many difficulties including various elements from the autism spectrum.

I was invited to the very first Dad's group meeting by my wife Helen, who had noticed it in a Facebook post. She helps a lot of others by advising them in replies to posts, and was keen that I did my part in some way also.

At the time I felt I didn't really need any more social interaction than I was already getting, from the occasional nights out with old work mates and the various things organised with Helen's friends and family. Still though the idea of helping others by sharing experience was appealing, plus the chance of picking up new tips. Also an excuse to drink more beer is rarely a bad thing!

So, I agreed to go and approached it was an open mind. I was slightly nervous but not massively so. Any nerves are completely unnecessary though as it's a great bunch of lads who are very welcoming. I tend to get different things from each session. Sometimes it's just a release from any tensions at home or work, sometimes were just agony uncles for each other, and sometimes its just a huge humour fest!

Craig, who organises everything, is an absolute star. He makes sure everything runs smoothly and also organises many additional events.

So, come along and give it a try!"

Kevin Ford