I feel most at ease when I have a plan. My type-A personality and organizational skills helped me thrive in high school and prepare myself for the rigor of college academics and the maturity that college life demands. However, the flip-side to this way of living is that uncertainty makes me deeply uncomfortable. In both major and minor ways, my time at the University of Washington has made uncertainty something I must grapple with on a daily basis. I've become better at introducing flexibility and comfort with ambiguity into my life, and I've found that my deepest learning experiences have arisen from unplanned events and circumstances.
Freshman year, I juggled intense homesickness with the thrill and freedom that came with learning to navigate a new city. I joined clubs, explored on and off campus, and did my best to remain focused and involved while attending 800-person lectures and feeling unsure of my future goals and intended major. I still remember a crisp winter morning that I was walking to class and every time I turned a corner, I bumped into a friend or classmate. I felt like I was starting to make an impact in that moment, and felt a little less small.
Sophomore year, I threw myself into research-centered jobs, clubs, classes and activities, and deepened relationships with friends I had made the previous year. I learned that despite my commitment to becoming skilled and familiar with research techniques, that I couldn’t see myself pursuing a career in research or academia. Feelings of uncertainty toward my future goals led me to shadow healthcare providers and take advantage of pre-health career-counseling. I eventually decided that I wanted to pursue a career as a physician assistant.
Junior year started off with exciting changes. I moved into an off-campus apartment with a close friend, threw myself into challenging coursework and a new major, started lifting weights, and further deepened cherished friendships and relationships. I felt both daunted and inspired by my decision to pursue PA school, and felt a sense of relief that I had a clear direction for how to spend the remainder of my time as an undergraduate. However, the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic introduced new uncertainty into my life, forcing me to re-prioritize many aspects of my activities and daily routine as I moved back to my hometown and learned to navigate online learning. Like many, I grieved the sudden loss of friends and anticipated experiences and turned into my closest circle for support during a trying, stressful year.
Despite the strange world that has normalized over the past 18 months, my senior year has still been filled with positive experiences, personal growth and joy. A desire to remain connected to campus despite pandemic restrictions drove my decision to hold two part-time jobs on top of classes. Through these jobs I've been able to build my skills in undergraduate research and healthcare customer service. I’ve set aside time to confront mental health struggles and take charge of my mental health in productive ways. Through long walks and outdoor gatherings with friends, I've been able to appreciate campus in new ways. One particularly joyful day senior year was during a February snow storm. I ventured onto campus and saw dozens of students playing in the snow and skiing down staircases in the Quad. The care-free feeling of having a snowball fight with strangers after so many months of social distancing felt like a turning point as everyone got vaccinated against COVID-19 and began taking steps toward social normalcy.
As graduation approaches, I am juggling nostalgia with excitement for the personal and professional milestones ahead of me. My time at the UW has challenged me, has provided me support and resources to visualize my long term goals, and has left me with relationships and memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I look forward to reaching those milestones by both being guided by the plans and goals I’ve made, and by remaining flexible and accepting of the uncertainty intrinsic to life.