“I went to Afghanistan in 2011 when I’d been in the army for three years. The things I saw and did there didn’t really bother me when I came back; I’d think about it daily, but it’d be a fleeting thought: ‘That happened.’ Boom – I’d crack on with my day. Until about 2019, when PTSD just hit me out of the blue. I started wetting the bed at night, having terrible nightmares and panic attacks. A clear blue sky like today would set me off thinking things would be coming out of the sky. I became a bit of a mess, probably within a month,” Ash tells us.
He’s a graduate of, and volunteer at, Tom Harrison House: the country’s only veteran-specific addiction treatment programme.
“I was diagnosed with PTSD and as bipolar, signed off sick and pumped full of bipolar meds. My mental health was terrible. My marriage was in trouble, I fell off a cliff on a family holiday in Spain and broke my spine in seven places. I was all over the place. And this was when I made my first suicide attempt. I was sectioned. Being in Afghanistan was scary, but being on a psych ward was something else.
“I’d gone from being a commander in the army to living in a box room at my nan’s house, and that was when my addiction kicked in. Because whilst I was trying to make a fresh start, I still didn’t want to be alive. Cocaine became my best friend very, very quickly – I became a day user within about two weeks.
“My body was starting to shut down from cocaine bingeing. I made the pact to myself that if I kept sniffing coke, I would eventually die, and it would be over.”
Ash’s story highlights the importance of our grant to Tom Harrison House under our Embedding and Preventing Suicide programme. For a veteran who’s ready to stop drinking or using, the risk of suicide ideation can be at its height while they wait for funds to be found for a place on the programme. This grant means THH can step in straight away - using online outreach with those on the waiting list, starting that crucial work to build connections and engagement with clients while they wait: the key to reducing suicide risk is to help them start feeling like part of the community.
“I’m 19 months clean now. I’ve graduated. I started doing some work with my children with the family therapist here and I’ve built on that now I’m out of treatment, and I’ve just had my children for a week which is going really well now.
“I’m working on reception here – on the front line, speaking to people ringing up in desperation and reassuring family members before they’re moved to the admissions team. You really feel like you’re giving back. I’m now the volunteer coordinator and helping to manage events – I’m using those skills that I built in the army. I’ve got people around me to hold my hand if I’m struggling. Life is good.
“This community is so big: you could pick anyone in it to come in and give you their story. None of them are the same, but they’re all very similar. But I don’t know anywhere else where they can do this in the country.”