I think buying my first vehicle is a hard enough task. But my first vehicle is a motorcycle, I live on a steep hill, my family is convinced I'll 'buss my ass', the lack of comprehensive insurance options echos the same sentiment, and the struggle to get a loan instead of using my hard earned cash is screaming at me.

Everything seems to say no, except the dull constant aching in my chest that counts the week and 3 days it's been since I've been on a motorbike. A week and 3 days too long with a growing pain that can only be remedied with a ride.

There's also the fear that I might have lost my new skill during this week of walking, taking the bus, and traveling in the comfort of cages (4 wheeled covered vehicles). Or that I won't even make it up my hill without my first fall. Or that a busman will quickly knock me out of my bliss, or that I'll smell sweaty in the office all day after wearing my armored (not really made for the tropics) jacket. Or that my new not good branded bike may start needing repairs before I start getting comfy.

My anxiety thrives on this fearful excitement. It would be nice to tame the ever present feeling of 'I wish I were riding right now'. But like the last big challenge I took, it's just so scary to get going. But we're going.

When I was learning to ride I had to keep reminding myself that being afraid isn't a good reason to give up. I have to try to remember that.

Mon/22nd/Mar/2021