Peer Feedback
GLOW: Hi Alyssa... I read your essay about "Family is everything". Everthing looks well put together including your punctuations and spelling. The story matches your title to the "T". Your mom is right, "Family is everything". I was getting into it, so much that i wanted to keep reading more. Lol!!!
GROW: Even though the story is a good read, you could have made it just a little longer with just a little more detail. Write more about how you started your family and so on.
NEED TO KNOW: Make sure to include when, where, and how you started your family. Also remember to make it just a little longer.
Glow: I love everything about your story and it hits hard to reality. My mother said the exact same words you stated on the first page. You stated "She told me "One day your dad and I will be gone and you will only have the memories left that we made". I kid you not, every time my mother say those words I alway cried. I did not want to face the fact nor imagine losing my parents. It made me value family time more and cherish every moment.
Grow: Honestly There are not much to grow on concerning your essay. I've notive the sentences that can be shorter, You may want to make your introduction a little stronger, instead of utilizing the symbol & for and it may help to type the complete word. Also recap on the commas, quotation marks, hyphens and etc. Utilize all the neccessary tools to structure your essay. However, everything else looks great.
Need to Know: you may want to add, How your parents felt when you transition to spend more time with the family. That can be awesome in your story. Also I notice a little error when you stated "The older I got the more independent I became but I never forgot that sentence". My question to you? What sentence? What did you do to become independent? It may help if you elaborate more on your transformation.
On my behalf there are alot of things I need correct in my essay. I am now sitting here thinking of my parents because "Family Is Everything"
Family Is Everything
I was only 9 when my mother taught me the importance of family or making memories with them. I was a young freckled faced little girl who didn’t understand why my mom always wanted us to do things as a family & the many family vacation. I had no cares in the world but to play with my toys with my older sisters & be a kid. I was sitting in that living room with my mother one fall day leaves falling from the trees with the sun beaming through the French doors that led out onto the backyard. I was complaining that I did not want to go on a day trip to the zoo with my family. We had been a million times & it was the same as the last time we went. That day my mother taught me a valuable lesson about family. She told me “Family is Everything & one day your dad & I will be gone & you will only have the memories left that we made.” I sat there for a minute & digested the words my mother had just said to me. She was right. That day I changed my attitude & no matter where we went as a family, I was grateful to just have them & spend quality time with them. The older I got the more independent I became but I never forgot that sentence. I started to spend more time with friends & do other things, but I still always managed to make time for my family. Random day trips or family vacations I was there. Life flew by & before I knew it, I wasn't that young freckle-faced girl anymore. I was married & about to have a child of my own. A family of my own to make memories with. That chilly Sunday in February I will never forget because it was the day I brought my son home from the hospital. My parents came over to visit their new grandson for the first time & I once again was reminded of that valuable lesson my mother taught me. As she is holding my redhaired tiny newborn baby she looks up at me & says “Now you get to start making memories for your own little family.” This was the moment I realized what she meant. That sentence she said to me as that young 9-year-old was finally here. I finally had a family of my own & I knew that I was going to cherish my little family just as much as I did that big family of mine growing up. I also knew I was going to teach my kids that valuable lesson about family just as my mother did. I am now a 24-year mom of 3 who is married & have my own family, but I still make time for my parents & siblings every chance I get. Why? Because Family is Everything.