How Literature Shaped Me?

One of the most significant impacts literature has had on me is that it has made me agnostic. Ever since I truly connected with literature and writing, it has turned me into a doubter, a questioner of everything. However, I have not always been this way. It was started a way back. 

My schooling was in a thoroughly Gujarati-medium environment, yet I was always fascinated by the charm of the English language. Back then, the word "literature"—or even "Sahitya"—was foreign to me. I do not recall any significant emotional or practical impact from the stories or poems I encountered, whether in Gujarati or English. I remember a few Gujarati stories like Gila no Chakdo, Vismay, Mithyabhiman, and Jumo Bhisti, but they left no lasting impression on me. For me, those classes were just free periods where we were told stories.

Later, I chose the science stream for my higher secondary education. At that time, I didn’t take English or my English teacher seriously. Now, I can understand the plight of an English teacher, but back then, I didn’t. When my aspirations in the science stream faltered, I made the pivotal decision to enroll in a B.A. program with English as my main subject. Looking back, I can only recall the lines from Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

I had no idea that I would someday pursue a Master’s in English literature. I started my B.A. simply to complete my graduation and prepare for government exams. But in the last semester of my bachelor’s degree, I found myself drawn to books and poems. Whatever difference I see in myself after studying literature for almost three years is because of that decision—the one that has made all the difference.

However, this change was not sudden. While I am not an avid reader, as people might expect from a literature student, I do enjoy reading summaries of classical, modern, and postmodern texts, along with learning about authors' backgrounds. Though I am not a voracious reader, I have read a handful of books. The first book I read was George Orwell’s 1984, which had a significant initial impact on my mind. It made me reflect on how totalitarian regimes work and how leaders, often backed by the masses, can also be manipulative. I began to view the functioning of governments and states from an Orwellian perspective. The most important change in me is that I can now see contemporary events, whether global or national, through the lens of literature. Connecting the dots between past events and what is happening in the present is invaluable. By learning from the past, we can develop a better historical sense.

Having become familiar with existentialism, absurdism, and nihilism, I deeply connect with absurdist philosophy. Life is absurd, but we must embrace the absurd. I identify with the myth of Sisyphus: life can feel monotonous and repetitive, yet existentialism offers hope in the belief that, despite the boredom of living, life still has meaning and is worth living. This perspective has made me more responsible and decisive in my life choices.

Additionally, I’ve developed a taste for quality cinema. Film Studies has sparked my fascination with philosophical films and cinematic adaptations. I now approach films critically, viewing them not just for entertainment, but with an analytical eye. I’ve even started reviewing films that I particularly enjoy.

Not only have I developed a deep interest in films, but I have also gradually started cultivating the habit of reading books. This is one of the most significant takeaways from my literary journey. In the past, I was not inclined toward reading, but now I am. Books have the power to shape one’s worldview and perspectives, which is why I now read with genuine enthusiasm—not just for the sake of reading, but because I truly enjoy it.

I would like to quote a line from Julian Barnes' The Only Story:

"Strange how, when you are young, you owe no duty to the future; but when you are old you owe a duty to the past. To the one thing you can't change."

This quote taught me to live in the present and take the full responsibility for the choices I make at this moment, as both the past and the future are shaped by the present. What I have learned is that making the right decisions now ensures that, in old age, one does not feel burdened by regret or the weight of past mistakes. Otherwise, one might end up telling a guilt-ridden story, like Paul Roberts. And it does not necessarily have to be about love—it could be about anything.