Morality

You've met someone who makes you question your guidance. Makara was a bastard, Basilisk outlived his usefulness, and Pawn is killing people. None of these do you truly hate. Makara was an idiot who wanted to pick fights, Basilisk was useful, and Pawn... They'll get what's coming to them. Yet there is always one that makes you question whether your morals are needed.

New Log

The rope you cling to burns as you fall. It's your final source of comfort in these trying times. The CK class event, your coworkers' disappointment in you, and your own self-hate. They culminate, and you falter. Hope is not lost, but you are. Or you feel like it. Keep a hold friend. For the site, for the world, for you.

For your daughter.

You always told yourself you'd kill them. Each and every one. They didn't do anything.

They couldn't have done anything.

You could've. You had chances, many of them.

Your morality. It gets in the way, yet you don't cast it aside.

Why? Is there someone you hope will see your morality and admire you?

No? Then why keep them?

You wish you knew. That's the response I've come to expect. You're afraid, afraid of what you'd do without them. Coward.

You don't understand, do you? You're a trapped rat, stuck in an ouraborous of ethical conundrums and threats, internal and external. Godlike beings and godless men are at your neck, waiting to strike, and you think you can keep running. "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here," Right?

Dante's Inferno. You're in the final layer of hell. There is no leaving. You aren't Dante. You don't have a Vergil. Not a traitor to Kin, Country, Guests, or Lords, but to yourself. You're in a prison of your own making. So again, WHY HOLD ONTO YOUR MORALITY WHEN IN THE FACE OF DANGER AND EVIL, IT MAKES YOU WEAK?

You cannot cry out. Nobody will come for you, as you are truly alone. Moth can't help you, Kyuubi can't help you, SASH can't help you. Your family and closest friends can't help you. No matter how much you shout into the void, your morality is your ultimate undoing. You want to kill. You want to end the war yourself, take it into your own hands, yet you stop yourself because "They don't deserve death until you've exhausted every option."

Pathetic. The reason people are dying is that you refuse to take matters into your own hands. You had Pawn in the palm of your hand before. You could've saved Buddy, maybe even Cooki.

Shut the journal. You're only making things worse.

-11/17/2025

NEW JOURNAL LOG

Date: 12/18/2025
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Am I a monster?

I refuse to acknowledge that question.

I need an answer.

You won't like the answer.

I know.

I will not answer this.

A lot of pushback on this question. No witty comebacks, no harsh remarks?

That's because you're faltering. You're letting go. You're becoming the one who's needed to stop this cycle.

I want to believe you. Cypress isn't happy with me. I overstepped because of them, my morals. They get in the way.

That's just Cypress. She doesn't like anyone. The only ones she does like are the others. The ones who let go. You're different. You keep a hold. You're stronger than them for that reason.

It doesn't feel that way. I feel like it would be better if I just... let go... If I did that, then maybe I could have saved people. Maybe I'd be better.

Morality is in short supply, especially in Internal Affairs. Cypress is a cold bitch, Destro is unfeeling, and Gravitas... I'm not sure. The ones you look up to have no morals because they let go. You need to keep a hold because if you let go, you become worse than any CI or Sarkic. You become someone who's hate is never ending with nothing to keep it in check. You'd watch a Foundation member kill a child for the greater good of humanity.

I'd already have to do it if it were deemed Ethical. Why keep morality when Ethics override it?

Humanity. Plain and simple. You'd fight tooth and nail to keep HER safe, even if it meant you overstep. You'd kill, you'd break your own ethical code, because you have that choice. The others don't. You joke about it whenever you're in different gear, but it's true. You have a choice to forget the code. It's a big no-no, but if push comes to shove, you will. THAT's why you keep your morals. Because it'll let you make the hard choices. Cypress says things all the time, she wants you to be better. To direct that morality towards good things, and to do it while following Ethics. The D-class are meant to die. That's their purpose. You once believed they could be helped, but you stopped. You gave up. And it's good that you did. They can't be saved.

Do not mention HER again. It's a part of the past I don't want to bring up. Not here, not ever. Is your tangent over?

...

Well, spit it out!

Yes...

Then I ask again. Am. I. A. Monster?

That remains to be seen. Be well, Paragon. Don't leave your humanity behind.