NEW JOURNAL LOG
Date: 12/18/2025
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Am I a monster?
I refuse to acknowledge that question.
I need an answer.
You won't like the answer.
I know.
I will not answer this.
A lot of pushback on this question. No witty comebacks, no harsh remarks?
That's because you're faltering. You're letting go. You're becoming the one who's needed to stop this cycle.
I want to believe you. Cypress isn't happy with me. I overstepped because of them, my morals. They get in the way.
That's just Cypress. She doesn't like anyone. The only ones she does like are the others. The ones who let go. You're different. You keep a hold. You're stronger than them for that reason.
It doesn't feel that way. I feel like it would be better if I just... let go... If I did that, then maybe I could have saved people. Maybe I'd be better.
Morality is in short supply, especially in Internal Affairs. Cypress is a cold bitch, Destro is unfeeling, and Gravitas... I'm not sure. The ones you look up to have no morals because they let go. You need to keep a hold because if you let go, you become worse than any CI or Sarkic. You become someone who's hate is never ending with nothing to keep it in check. You'd watch a Foundation member kill a child for the greater good of humanity.
I'd already have to do it if it were deemed Ethical. Why keep morality when Ethics override it?
Humanity. Plain and simple. You'd fight tooth and nail to keep HER safe, even if it meant you overstep. You'd kill, you'd break your own ethical code, because you have that choice. The others don't. You joke about it whenever you're in different gear, but it's true. You have a choice to forget the code. It's a big no-no, but if push comes to shove, you will. THAT's why you keep your morals. Because it'll let you make the hard choices. Cypress says things all the time, she wants you to be better. To direct that morality towards good things, and to do it while following Ethics. The D-class are meant to die. That's their purpose. You once believed they could be helped, but you stopped. You gave up. And it's good that you did. They can't be saved.
Do not mention HER again. It's a part of the past I don't want to bring up. Not here, not ever. Is your tangent over?
...
Well, spit it out!
Yes...
Then I ask again. Am. I. A. Monster?
That remains to be seen. Be well, Paragon. Don't leave your humanity behind.