As a junior in BAMS, I've come to a point where I just let the tides take me. No, it's not as if I've given up on my program, but more that I've accepted that whatever comes, comes. Initially, I did some research on what kind of topics MMS 172 would tackle, but I just brushed it off and thought, I'll cross the bridge when I get there. All I managed to confirm was that it's about audio production. I figured it would probably be a time-consuming course with projects or assignments here and there.

In my self-introduction, I even admitted that I was clueless when it came to audio production and had never really dabbled in it before this course. Honestly, all the course materials provided by Sir Al have been very informative and really focus on what needs to be discussed. So when I don't fully get the material, I just conclude that maybe I'm the problem (¯ . ¯;). I do admit that I have difficulty understanding some of the lessons, most likely because of the technical aspects like ranges, frequency, and other concepts that don't come naturally to me. Due to this, I struggle to join the discussion forums, not becuase I don't want to participate but it's more that I don't feel comfortable sharing my thoughts when I'm not confident I've understood everything correctly. Still, I've pushed myself to join the bonus forums, partly to at least participate and partly (if I'm being completely honest) to help my grades.

For Assignment 1, coming up with a definite plan and working on it has been quite the challenge. It's kind of funny how I keep on using the word "struggle", but that's just my reality right now.  The project I chose is very intimate and personal, which means every step I take towards completing it coems with a mix of hesitation and second-guessing. I wonder why I even thought of doing it but I believe it's right that I chose a project I can be confident in and approach with care. I also took time to check some of my classmates' pre-production plans through a roulette, and there were a few that really caught my attention like Nava's cover of Euterpe from Guilty Crown, Frani's cover of Satisfied from Hamilton, and Salamante's cover of Can't Catch Me Now by Olivia Rodrigo. There were a lot more interesting ones, but these three stood out to me, especially Nava's, because I'm a huge fan of Guilty Crown and that anime's OSTs are top-tier. Compared to me, they seemed to have this excitement about their projects, which I admittedly don't feel at the moment. Maybe that's because mine is a bit different from theirs which naturally carries a heavier tone. Nonetheless, it's comforting to know I'm not alone in having mixed feelings and feeling anxious about the work ahead. As for collaborations and F2F sessions, I feel envious of classmates who are collaborating or who got to attend the F2F session. Being an offshore student means missing out on that kind of hands-on interaction, and while I try to make up for it online, it's just not quite the same. 

Going forward, I'm honestly a mix of anxious and cautiously optimistic. Anxious, because the more we move forward, the closer I get to actually having to execute my project. Cautiously optimistic, because despite my self-doubt, I've managed to keep up so far. As I checked my classmates pre-production plans, there's this looming pressure, atleast for me. It's hard not to feel like comparing my work with others but I believe that it's normal. At the same time, I try to remind myself that each project is unique, and mine doesn't have to compete with anyone else's as long as it delivers the emotional impact I'm aiming for.  I'm also looking forward to developing a better grasp of the technical side of audio production in the coming weeks. Right now, I feel like I'm still fumbling my way through the settings and the editing process. The more I work with them, the more familiar they become. I think the later stages of the trimester will be the real test of whether I can apply what I've learned into something cohesive and immersive. Another thing I want to do is manage my time better for the final stretch. It's tempting to procrastinate but I know that if I leave too much for the last minute, I'll just be setting myself up for unnecessary stress. 

I'm not exactly "excited" in the same way others might be, but I am curious to see how my project will evolve from an idea into a finished piece. There's a strange kind of satisfaction in completing something that felt intimidating from the start. If I can get to that point by the end of this course, I hope I'll move forward not just with a grade, but with a personal satisfaction.