Letter to my parents

Letter to my parents （Translated from Chinese by ChatGPT）

Seeing your letter is like seeing you in person. It's been a long time since I've been home, and I miss it dearly.

Recently, I took a long flight to visit a good friend and took a few days to rest at his place. Having been in a warm place for a while and then coming to a cold winter destination reminded me of Taiyuan. Taiyuan, oh Taiyuan. I feel that many aspects of my character were shaped by this land, especially a kind of openness and vigor deep inside, which surfaces in the chilly winds. I've been thinking about writing an article titled "Taiyuan, Taiyuan!" for several years now, but I've never been able to start. The hometown is infinite; its shadow follows me everywhere, always bringing new insights.

These past few days, I've suddenly felt the urge to write down a lot, a lot of things. I told a friend a few days ago that I feel my life is complete. Not in the sense of achieving material success, but I've reached a state of mind where I desire nothing beyond measure and feel I've seen a great part of the world and experienced many lives (some purely through imagination). Yet, I still feel like a child, capable of pure sadness and joy, often moved to tears. "Having known the universe so vast, I still cherish the greenness of every blade of grass." Materially, I seem to have no particular pursuits left. Regarding my own fate, I am more indifferent to honor or disgrace than before. Everyone appears beautiful, understandable, and worthy of learning from. A voice inside my heart seems to be telling me that I've seen the world, and it's time to go home. It feels like a prodigal son finding his way back, like Jia Baoyu encountering the monk again.

So, since it's like this, why not write down a bit of text? Moreover, I want to understand, after a long evolution, what I really am (an association: in the musical "Les Misérables," Jean Valjean transitions from prisoner to mayor, yet ultimately in a public setting, he declares: "Who am I? 24601!" This number was his prison identification). The weather is lovely today; the winter sun is warm yet intense, as if reminding me that things will pass, beauty exists in the now—do not wait for tomorrow. Consider tomorrow as another life, and treat what I write now as words left for the world, for my friends, as my final art. Mu Xin in his "Literary Memoirs" said, "One must always be earnest about dying" (seemingly paraphrasing Camus). Art is about love, and of course, I must dedicate my most sincere and fervent love to you, my parents. If my love creates something of slight value, the greatest credit belongs to you.

The only regret seems to be that I haven't had many opportunities to love specific people. Often introverted and low on energy, I struggle to take on the role of a provider and am instead often protected. To date, I have only had one romantic experience, back in university, nearly five years ago. Jesus never had romantic experiences (at least not recorded in the Bible), so perhaps a life without a partner can also be good. Although the Symposium discusses a parable where the highest happiness is to merge with one's other half, it sounds beautiful, but Socrates himself seemed noncommittal about it (maybe it's time to read Plato and Aristotle). Moreover, how many people in the real world experience "the highest happiness"? To spend one's life like a family member is already remarkable. Therefore, for me, rather than seeking another soul that fits, it's better to turn my attention to the infinite and the eternal. The right souls will naturally meet on the road. Looking back suddenly, there they are, at the dimly lit spot. The ending of "Faust" goes, "Das Ewig-Weibliche zieht uns hinan" ("The eternal feminine draws us upwards"). I first read this as a child in the provincial library at Wen Yuan Lane and have remembered it ever since.

I believe that the greatest strength lies in empathy and imagination. By striving to imagine the lives, thoughts, and feelings of others, we become happier, deeper, more peaceful, free, humble, and reverent. Happiness stems from a deep understanding of each person's motives, seeing the goodness, brilliance, and compassion-worthy aspects in everyone, the surge of spirit and the divine light of creation—everyone is an angel and so beautiful. Depth comes from seeing each person's flaws and issues, recognizing that the evil in humanity is a universal, abstract presence rooted in family, society, and deeper issues. Each individual's misdeeds and the fading of spirit are manifestations of this abstract evil, all forgivable, all pitiable. From this, anger transforms into sadness and tears. Peace comes from having many lives flash through one's mind like a movie, clarifying what one truly desires while recognizing the illusory nature of certain pursuits. I admire many people, then realize their lives suit them better than they would suit me—everything is just right. Freedom comes from thoughts moving freely like a probability wave across the world, though still limited by individual boundaries, then returning to the present to choose what one truly wants. Humility and reverence arise when one calmly observes the complex trajectories of life, realizing everyone is remarkable and feeling as if an invisible force governs it all, unseen by those within it, making each encounter seem like a miraculous arrangement.

The way to cultivate this empathy and imagination, for me, involves stepping out of my comfort zone and trying various things, integrating them. This includes exploring areas I'm unfamiliar with or unskilled in, going places I previously felt indifferent about, interacting with all sorts of people, and doing things I'm scared or reluctant to do. For example, studying a challenging subject like mathematics in university and eventually integrating some of its concepts into my self. Or breaking out of my introversion to initiate contact and build friendships with strangers. Gradually, this deepens my understanding and appreciation of others. One significant meaning of education is to break out of comfort zones, reminded by others that there are many fascinating people and lifestyles out there—people who are as brilliant and full of life and love as light, and I might one day become one of them, as I've realized by visiting many university campuses.

Another aspect is embracing one's pain. I consider myself fortunate to have lived in a loving environment, but like everyone, I've had my moments of profound sadness, depression, loss, and pain. These moments are rare opportunities to renew one's understanding of self. Embracing pain wholeheartedly, feeling and thinking deeply about it, then gracefully emerging from it, may well be a metamorphosis, making one more resilient. Life's true meaning is hidden within this pain; contemplating it deeply reveals treasures. "Who am I, do I truly know? / My fields are covered with snow / The past is like dust / Blown in my face by the wind / It hurts, but I still want to open my eyes."

Finally, striving to see connections. The myriad connections between all things are what I consider the most beautiful. The distance between you and someone or something far away is not as great as you might think. The past, present, and future seem to coexist before my eyes. Viewing the world through the lens of connection, you see that everything is interconnected, thoughts flow freely, and you can use this network of connections to push aside superficial appearances and grasp the essence and focus your thoughts on it.

In essence, what I'm saying is about capturing both contrast and unity.

I hope we can connect through our senses and intentions, and I can personally show you wonderful scenes. Everything I've written, although it seems to be my own thoughts, is actually rooted in your love. Love is infinite, and within it is the whole world. Love is the texture of my parents' hands on my back and the breath of their embrace, bridging the real and the spiritual worlds. Perhaps any love can be an extension of parental love, an unconditional trust and sacrifice.

What I've written today may seem naive or contrived, and the experiences discussed may not necessarily be beneficial. Try to feel the late works of musicians, artists, writers, and philosophers—see if you find some resonance there (I particularly enjoy Beethoven's late works. "The Brothers Karamazov" seems worth a read). I hope for a day without sorrow, for beautiful things to always be with us.

Johnny

“Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. ”