The Event of Change
Best friends are there for your highs and lows so often that we tend to put them on an
imaginary pedestal. We expect them to know what we’re thinking, why we’re thinking it, and our
minds. For Barbara and I, this is where the conflict started for us. As best friends, we expect the
other to know what’s in our head before we even know it and when they don’t live up to that set
expectation, we tend to get angry. Do to this lack of communication and a lack of being able to
sympathize with one another, I felt like I was misunderstood and I felt like my feelings were not
valid. Today, I am going to explain how a lack of communication can cause conflict.
When my cousin Anthony had passed away unexpectedly it really took a toll
on my mental health. I was down in the dumps. So, I went to the only person I could have
thought of to help me out of my depressing funk. With tears in my eyes, I told her about
Anthony. I told her how much I was mourning and missing him. After stating how I felt, Barbara
seemed to be saying all the wrong things. One specific thing she said that really upset me was
when she said “suck it up, you’ll be alright”. In that moment, I needed someone to comfort me. I
needed someone to tell me it was going to be alright in a loving way not a condescending way.
The sadness that I felt from this then turned to anger and I decided I was no longer going to talk
to Barbara until she apologized. A couple weeks had gone by when Barbara texted me to ask
how I was doing. I took that moment to call her and discuss why I was upset with her. I told her
that when I told her about my cousin, I expected her to hug me and to tell me it was going to be okay.
I expected her to take care of me in a time of weakness. I then told her that what she said
had let me down because when I needed her sympathy the most there was none to be given.
After sharing how I felt and why I felt that way, Barbara apologized and said that she
understood. She explained how she wasn’t very good at consoling and assumed that since we
always give each other tough love that it wasn’t an issue. Ever since that day we have been
closer than ever. The conflict could have been avoided if I didn’t assume that Barbara knew that
I needed a hug, someone to console me, and someone to hold my hand. There is no way that
Barbara could have known what my needs were emotionally, and it wasn’t fair to assume she
did. From this occurrence, I learned that I should never assume that anyone is doing something
malicious or should know what I want. I should ask questions to get a clear understanding so I
won’t jump to conclusions and damage and relationship or situation.