APPENDIX VI: Talking With An Upset Student
There are many reasons why students could come into your office upset. They may be feeling angry, overwhelmed, confused, sick, or stressed. Please keep in mind that they may also have problems or issues that are unrelated to their visit with you.
The basic process for interacting with students who are upset is the same:
Acknowledge the student’s FEELINGS. This lets them know that you care how they are feeling and that this needs to be discussed before you can get to the specifics of the problem.
Use your listening skills to allow the student to explain, in their own words, what has made them upset. This will allow the student to release pent-up anxieties and help them to “calm down.”
Ignore rudeness and avoid the temptation to blame others, justify, defend, or lecture.
Understand what the upsetting experience has meant to your student. Understanding does not mean the acceptance of fault or point of view.
Move the student to a private area to discuss matters.
Now you can begin to work on the problem that has brought your student to your office. Remember to:
Express willingness to help the student solve the problem.
Clarify what has been communicated.
Summarize what action has been proposed to make sure that there is a mutual understanding.
Most importantly, recognize that your student is upset and has a valid reason for being upset. Let your student know that you acknowledge both:
e.g. “You sound really upset about all of this.”
e.g. “You’ve been through an experience that would make anyone upset.”
Tips on angry students:
Angry students may be the toughest to interact with. A normal first reaction to anyone who is angry is to become defensive or to become angry yourself. In a professor-student relationship it is especially important to make an effort to not respond in these ways. You should:
Acknowledge your student’s anger.
Let them know it is OK to feel angry.
If your student has raised his/her voice, try SLIGHTLY raising your voice and then slowly bring your voice back down to normal. Many times your student will follow with his/her tone of voice.
If the student is not calming down, or you can feel yourself getting frustrated or upset, it may be best to invite the student to come back at another time. You may also refer the student to on-campus supports. Many of the available supports are cataloged through the Dean of Students’ Portfolio.
As staff, please feel free to also use these supports to discuss any student interaction you find upsetting. If possible, contact an appropriate service with the student in your office and get the name of a contact person with whom the student may connect. Only if the student requests, walk with them to the service.
Suicide
Instructors play a major part in students’ lives. It is not uncommon for a student to view his or her instructor as a mentor or someone who can offer help. Students who are feeling overwhelmed may approach you for help. You may even be presented with a student who is suicidal.
Common Clues to Suicide:
Verbal
Direct statements:
“I wish I were dead.”
“I don’t wish to live anymore.”
Indirect statements:
“All of my problems will end soon.”
“Everyone will be better off without me.”
“No one can help me now.”
“I just can’t take it anymore.”
Talking or joking about suicide; describing methods or plans for committing suicide
Expressions of helplessness and hopelessness
Saying goodbye
Behavioral
depression, sadness
drop in grades by good students or sudden interest in grades by poor students
impatience and irritability
inability to concentrate or becoming bored and listless
a previous attempt of losses to suicide
fascination with death
giving away possessions, putting affairs in order
isolation and withdrawal from family and friends
lack of interest in hobbies, jobs, school, or physical appearance
Situational
losses
pressures
low self-esteem
lack of help or communication
trouble with the law
drug and alcohol abuse
What can I do if I think a student may be suicidal?
First and foremost: TALK with the student. If you need help, please contact the Helping Individuals at Risk (HIAR) Office, using their website, email at hiarua@ualberta.ca, or phone at 780-492-4372. They will listen to your concern and help you identify the next steps. They can also arrange for some immediate action if they determine the immediate risk to be at a high level.
The following are some immediate steps to take if you cannot access support immediately:
Ask the student in a straightforward manner if they are suicidal. (e.g. “I’m worried about you. Are you thinking about suicide?”) Asking this question will not plant the idea in a student’s head. In fact, if a student has considered suicide, it can be a relief to talk about it with someone who is not afraid to discuss the issue.
Ask if the student has a plan on how to carry this out. Find out if they have planned a time to do it. This allows you to assess the risk of the situation.
Ask the student to make a contract with you. This means asking the student to promise to contact you, a friend or family member, or even the Distress Line before they act on their suicidal feelings. The best way is to pick one that both you and the student are comfortable with and ask them to promise to contact that person.
Discuss what resources are available to the student to help deal with their suicidal feelings. These include things the student is able to do for themselves (such as hobbies or writing things in a journal) as well as people the student can go to for help (such as friends, family, clergy, or yourself!)
If you believe that a student is in immediate danger of hurting themselves or someone else, contact an emergency number such as 911.
Resources
Edmonton Distress Line:
https://edmonton.cmha.ca/brochure/distress-line/
780-482-HELP (4357)
24 hours
Counselling and Clinical Services:
https://www.ualberta.ca/current-students/counselling/index.html
780-492-5205
See website for hours
Helping Individuals at Risk:
https://www.ualberta.ca/provost/portfolio/helping-individuals-at-risk-program/index.html
780-492-4372
See website for hours