Senior Advice

Hey sexy seniors! It's that time of the year - time for senioritis, also the stresses of prom and finding a roommate on Facebook. Lucky for you: Hilly is here to help! I am a romantic, as you might remember from my previous pieces, and I know just the way to get into that special person’s heart. 

Promposal Ideas

1. Roses are red, violets are blue, to me you are like connective tissue. Prom?

2. You say restroom instead of bathroom. Let’s be  Romeo and Juliet in the tomb. Prom?

3. I’m the atomic bomb, and you’re the nuclear codes, wanna meet up at prom? 

4. You’re hot and dangerous. Like an arsonist! Prom?

5. Please go to prom with me, I promise I do not have STDs.

6. Are you the yolk to my egg white? Because some people say we’re better separated. Jk! Prom?

7. Is your biggest fear tsunamis? Because I can rock your boat at prom! 

8. Are you a circle, because I want you to be around at prom. 

9. Are you the TI to my 84? Let’s evaluate our chemistry at Prom?

10. Are you the watercolors I stole from the Art Room, because I’m never giving you back. Prom?

11. Or maybe you want a poem… 

P 

R 

O pen relationship? 

M 

? 

I don’t want to go solo, 

And to me you’re vincent van gogh gogh

Don’t lose an ear

Is that a yes to prom I hear

Tips on How to Pick a College Roommate

1. Make sure they’re nocturnal! You don’t want to get your sleeping schedules confused.

2. Be sure to have nothing in common. It makes things exciting!

3. Always decorate your room in all brown (the same shade) so that  it’s more cohesive!

4. Only use Tinder to contact them (see last edition).

5. Make sure they have a spare cow to bring to campus. That means fresh milk!

6. Choose someone who has read The Official SAT Study Guide front to cover.

7. If they wore bean boots to their prom RUN... quickly towards them. Crocs are a good second alternative. 

8. Enemies to lovers is the dream college relationship, thus immediate hatred is necessary (find your Mr. Darcy, reader!)

9. Remember it is your job as the college roommate to help your roommate become desensitized to allergic substances. Thus, find someone with a nut allergy and remember to bring lots of peanut butter, you good samaritan. 

10. Choose someone willing to learn how to levitate. 

11. Remember expiration dates are vitally important and your roommate should get ahead of the curve and throw products out at least two weeks before!

12. It’s important to set boundaries. Thus, choose a roommate who when you do something slightly wrong immediately yells at you and then doesn’t speak for twenty-four hours. Classical conditioning works, dear reader!

Questions to Ask Potential Roommates

1. Do you like spray cheese?

2. Did you write the Communist Manifesto? Berenstain Bears?

3. Who’s your favorite teletubby? Why is it the sun?

4. What’s your favorite thing to carve out of wood?

5. Pasta or the color pink?

6. How often do you clean out the inside of your shoes? 

7. Do you keep your life savings in a piggy bank you got from a flea market when you were 5?

8. Are you an avid visitor of OnlyWomenStuff.com?

9. Can you bring your lifesize cutout of Pitbull (Mr. Worldwide for clarification)? 

10. What is your favorite version of Trisha Paytas? 

11. How many times did you try the Cinnamon Challenge as a child?

12. Do you twitch a lot?

13. Have you stolen a fish tank?

14. Would you be opposed to joining a cult with a charismatic leader?

15. Are you interested in the Church of Scientology? 

16. How sketchy would a shot (like a vaccine, I promise, this is appropriate for the under twenty-oners) have to be for you to not take it?

17. Are you into Jacob Sartorius? What’s your favorite song? (make sure they can sing it word for word)

18. Are you planning on buying a segway? Could we ride share?