Objective

As I entered high school, I was still very confident that I would achieve my goal. I was aware that I wasn't on the level of the best kids in my age group but I told myself that if I continued to work the hardest I possibly could, I would inevitably play at the professional level. So, the endless hours of practice and games continued through my freshman and sophomore years. During these years, I accepted that I wasn't gifted with some God-given ability to be amazing at soccer but, I was ok with this because it was out of my control. Thus, I focused on what I could control, my effort. I vowed to myself that no one would outwork me because "hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard".

 Yet, as junior year rolled around, reality began to hit me. I still wanted more than anything to make it pro, however, it slowly became evident that my dream was beginning to slip away from me. 

The first major reality check was the college recruitment process. In the United States, there are only 2 real ways to make it pro. You can join a Major League Soccer (MLS) academy as a kid and work your way up until you sign a professional contract with the club. Or, you can get recruited to play soccer in college and afterward get drafted to play professionally for a MLS club. Growing up, my family and I were not aware of opportunities like MLS academies and we likely could not have afforded it if I did get selected to join an academy. College soccer was the path I intended to take but logistically, there were many obstacles that prevented it from happening. As a result, my focus shifted towards ensuring that I would get into a prestigious college for academics rather than soccer. 

Deciding to do the IB Program during my junior and senior years was the pivotal shift in my pursuit of playing soccer professionally. This is because it was the first time in my life that I consciously made the decision to prioritize something else over my soccer dream. I continued to play soccer but I began going through the motions while spending most of my time and energy on succeeding in the IB Program.  Once senior year rolled around, I refused to let go of my dream but I knew I was not going to get recruited to play soccer in college. My last hope was walking on for the varsity team of whatever school I attended. 

In retrospect, most of my soccer friends who had the same dream as me, gave up on their journey long before I did. But the same resilience that I developed through playing soccer was now the reason that I could not fathom letting go of my dream. So, once I got to CMC, a little part of me still had hope that I could play club soccer for a year or two and then walk on to the varsity team. However, I knew this path wasn't very likely and it was just my inability to accept reality. 

When I heard about the Appel Fellowship, I knew this would be the perfect opportunity to take the next step in my soccer journey. Applying to do a project essentially about ending my professional soccer career journey honestly really hurt. However, I knew this experience would help me cope and discover what's next for my relationship with soccer. I first considered the fact that there are surely thousands of other people who have gone through similar journeys as me. I figured, I might be lost on my journey but I could certainly find some direction by learning from others' journeys. So, I attended five different MLS games across the U.S. with the plan of interviewing fans at these games about their relationships and journeys with soccer. My hope was that I would learn how other people with similar goals dealt with falling short of achieving their dreams and how/if soccer still plays a role in their lives in some way.