Losing loved ones during a pandemic; a letter to my grandparents

One worse thing than losing one grandparent, is losing both of them in a span of 8 months. Having to grieve the death of a loved one before getting the chance to accept the death of another one. And it’s even more difficult when you’re in the middle of a pandemic, not even being able to give them the funeral they both deserved.

It’s been 314 days without my grandmother, almost a year, and exactly 91 days without my grandfather. I can’t be mad at them for leaving us so early, that’s selfish. But I want to be selfish, I want more time with them, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

I will always remember that Saturday morning, 2 weeks after we were quarantined, that I got the news that my grandmother had passed away. It hit me really hard, also considering that it was the first death of a very close relative I’d experienced. My grandmother was an angel in a human body. The most amazing person you could ever meet. She was so loving, so happy and smiley all the time, you were filled with positivity the moment you entered her house. She made any place feel like home. She was an amazing cook, I will forever miss her cooking, her pies. I will miss her hugs; I will miss her laugh.

I guess my grandpa missed her too much as well and decided to leave us too. That’s what brings me a little peace, knowing they are now together watching over us. They couldn’t continue without each other. They loved each other too much. Seeing my grandfather sad after he lost his wife, us our grandmother, was one of the most heartbreaking things. His voice would break at the slight mention of her, and he would tear up immediately. He was a wonderful person as well; they were great for each other. His war stories, stories of all the places he’d traveled too, we would sit on his couch for hours listening to him talk about his past.

Gathering with my whole family, on a random sunny Sunday for barbecue and picnic will never feel the same again. I will always miss the sound of laughter and my cousins running around, the smell of grass and fresh air, as I sat in the middle of my two loving grandparents hearing their never ending stories that I would never get tired of. The stories that I will unfortunately never get to hear from them again, but that will always stay with us. But we will still keep these gatherings going for the sake of you two and we will always know you are there with us. It’s what you two would’ve wanted. One thing you cared the most about was seeing us all happy and okay. We will never be fully happy again without you two, but we will be happy for you.

I know you left us, happy and proud that you have left such a big family behind, a family that is so close with each other because you kept us close. You tied us all together and left when you felt you have finished your duty.

So to my grandparents, if you’re in any way reading this, I miss you, we all miss you both so much. You deserved more years to shine your light on this earth, and the impact you’ve had on all of us will never be forgotten. And as I finish this with tears on my keyboard I want you to know you are two of the most amazing people I have ever met and I am glad I spent at least 20 years with you both. Some of my first memories as a baby all start with both of you in them. And you will be in all the stories all of our kids will get to hear first. This year made me realize that we should always cherish and be grateful for the people in our lives because you never know when you will lose them, and it will be when you least expect it.