Whatever People Say

Can you remember being 15 or 16 and discovering the band that would become the single most influential factor of your formidable years? Depending on your age, it may have been the Stones, Zeppelin or possibly more recent bands such as U2 or R.E.M. Maybe you’re from the Radiohead-, Nirvana- or Oasis-era 90s. Or possibly even something more recent like The Strokes or The White Stripes. Or was it The Libertines? If so, sucker, you got hustled by the propaganda-loving UK press, and as a result probably don’t even like music anymore. Those darn negligent UK darling-makers just have no idea how much power they abuse. Current hype-holders, The Arctic Monkeys and their debut album, Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not, are here, and you’d better bet they have every intention of leading you down the wrong path. 

Really though, it’s not their fault that the press is plugging their album as “the fastest selling UK debut album ever!” Yes folks, faster than the Stone Roses, faster than Oasis. But faster than Jamie Foxx in The States? Not a chance. So who did the Monkeys pass up? How about a little pop band named Hear’Say; yeah man, great company, way to go. And what song knocked their hit single “I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” out of the No. 1 spot? How about that new, crappy Notorious B.I.G. single. Real quality stuff going on over there. Totally worthy of the hype machine, version 2006.

So here you have it, the new band of 2006, or so we’re told. Keep reading for a super biased outlook on the album. The purpose of this review you ask? Just like Slug, I’m “trying to find a balance.” Sure, Rolling Stone magazine might seem next to be worthless these days, but at least they aren’t continually excitable for the sake of album sales. Oh, before I get too serious, here’s my impression of an Arctic Monkeys review in a UK publication: “!!!!!” “Man, I’m gonna have to pick that one up tomorrow,” said the kid with no future.

So a group of decent-looking kids get together and try to make an album that sounds like the bands that got them through their formidable years - Oasis, The Stone Roses, maybe even Franz Ferdinand and, of course, The Libertines. Luckily, these lookers have skills; in fact, they sound just like a few really good bands, bands like Oasis, The Stone Roses, Franz Ferdinand and, most certainly, The Libertines. A mixture of hard-hitting drums, catchy punk vocals, bouncy basslines and dance-ready guitar licks, the Arctic Monkeys aren’t just here to smoke cigarettes (as their album packaging, from cover to cover, would imply). They want to get you moving while smoking. Their UK smash, “I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” has already reached some sort of legendary status on the UK airwaves. None of this really matters. All you really need to know is that The Arctic Monkeys are the 2006 version of The Libertines.

So just as The Libertines were supposed to save rock n’ roll a few years back, the Arctic Monkeys are breathing hope into a younger generation of kids that probably don’t know the first thing about the history of music. Under different circumstances, Whatever People Say I Am would be a noteworthy debut, but thanks to the hype machine there will always be an asterisk next to the album. Yes it’s good, but more than that, it has you in its highly marketable sights. If you really want to dance (and rock), go pick up the just released reissue of The Talking Heads debut album, Talking Heads: 77. Now there’s an album that should’ve shaped a generation.   5/10

Written by G. William Locke