'Twas the Night Before Christmas
A 2021 Minnesota Sports Fan Version
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the state,
Sports fans were anxious awaiting their teams' fate.
The stockings were hung at TCO with care,
In hopes that the Lombardi Trophy soon would be there.
Mike Zimmer was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of a run first OC danced in his head.
Kirk Cousins said “no” to getting the shot,
Rick Spielman feared their seats soon would get hot.
At Target Field, a hockey rink sat,
While the Twins had just settled in for a winter lockout nap.
When up in the owner’s suite there arose such a clatter,
Jim Pohlad sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the bank he flew like a flash,
Tore open the vault and threw in the cash.
Falvey and Levine surely weren't sad,
Thinking about all of the prospects they now had.
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
But a virus and variant approaching so near.
With a quick incubation and a spread that's unseen,
They knew in a moment it was Covid19.
Faster than Kaprizov, the infections they came,
Like Buxton into the wall and coming up lame.
"Win, Whitecaps! Win, Lynx!
Win WoSo and Vixen!
Out, Dalvin! Out, KAT! Out, Wild! You're sittin!
Home you must go! No puck or no ball!
Covid protocol! Quarantine all!"
As the NHL paused before the Wild could fly,
To save the Winter Classic and the dollars supplied.
PJ’s team how they twinkled, a bowl game their fate
A 9pm kickoff? Oh my! How that’s late.
Then, in a twinkling, was heard in the den,
The selling of Wolves by the owner named Glen.
The team will not move, he said with a sound,
Down Hennepin Avenue, Mark Lore came with a bound.
A bundle of money he had flung on his back,
To join forces with Glen and become one of the pack.
Shocked we all were, when heard was the news,
Assumed they'd be moving, like Bashaud Breeland's shoes.
Over Becky's lasagna terms were agreed,
2 years of internship is what they would need.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Lore soon let fans know, they had nothing to dread.
He promised they'd stay, and went straight to his work,
Rosas was fired; who turned out a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
A futuristic city, to Telosa he goes!
He sprang to his sleigh, for the playoffs the aim,
Unlike the MNUFC, who played only one game.
But I heard AROD exclaim, ere they drove out of sight—
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”