The First Kissamouse

A lonely 5 week-old orphan kitty

This text is from Alison and was posted in 2002 to the Usenet

If there is an older version let me know..

RatFinx's hoomin requests permission to share....

Its been a long time since I posted to this group, but I lurk from time to time. I would like to post a story that was dictated to me by

Juanny many years ago and first posted to this group in his vernacular. I must confess to "hoominizing" some of the language, but

I'm sure Juanny forgives me from where he is, over the Rainbow Bridge.

Maybe Punkin and Puddicat still remember Juanny...

THE FIRST KISS-A-MOUSE (c)

(A story by cats for cats)

Translated by Alison Griffiths 1995

*In that special place where cats can gather together and be

themselves, away from their human slaves…*

…It was the Festive season once again, and dear Aurora, although very

frail now, invited some friends round to decorate the Tree. She asked

them to bring as many mice as they could find to make ornaments, as

she said "We shall make Santa Mousies, Angel Mousies and Little

Drummer Mousies. We can hang some from their little noses and some

from their tails. Won't our humans be surprised to see them hanging

from the Tree tomorrow!"

Soon the friends began to arrive. There was Aurora's elderly friend

Cleo, Punkins and PuddiCat, Simba, Orson and Winston, and a whole lot

of the younger ones who'd been invited by Cleo to learn how to make

Kiss-A-Mouse decorations. Juanny turned up shaking the rain off his

ragged ears with his paws full of mice. He walked stiffly but with

dignity. He wasn't as old as the other DOCs (Distinguished Older

Cats), but he had once lived a very rough life. He was always a

favourite with the little ones with his stories and his poems brought

tears to the eyes of the older cats.

"I'd like to help you all," he said cheerfully as he plonked the heap

of mice on the floor, "but I'm afraid I'm too clumsy for making

ornaments. Maybe I could tell you all a story while you're working

instead."

"Oh yes Uncle Juanny!" mewed the kittens, and the older ones smiled

and nodded. "I'll tell you the story of the very first Kiss-A-Mouse.

It maybe different to some of the myths you've heard, but everyone has

a story to tell and this ones mine…" He looked around hopefully to

see if Yarrow had arrived yet, sighed when he saw she hadn't and began

his story.

Chapter One (he said)

Long long ago before anykitty can even imagine remembering, in a dark

forest in a cruel coldcold winter, with icemonsters and snowmonsters,

some little kitties were wandering about, lost and alone. The wicked

humans had abandoned them (booo-hissspit!). The humans had got them

(for some unknown human reason) and then not wanted them anymore.

I am sorry, little ones, to have to mention such horrible things and I

hope you're not too upset. That's the last time I will speak of the

wicked and evil humans (boo-oo-hissspiitt!).

Anyway, these little kitties were wandering about by themselves, each

one alone in the cold darklights, shivering and mewing pitifully. But

one by one they began to find each other as they heard each other's

cries in the forest. Soon there was a whole clowder* of them and they

bundled up together to keep each other warm and they began PURRING.

Well kitties, you know the power of PURRING, especially ALL TOGETHER

and especially LITTLE LITTLE kitty purrs. Well, before you knew it,

something strange happened. There was a funny sort of light and there

in the snow and icemonsters stood a beautiful ladykitty, with silken

grey fur and bright yellowy golden eyes, and she sort of…glowed! She

was wearing a red cloak with white bunny fur around the edges and she

carried a big wicker basket.

"What you got in your basket?" blurted one of the bolder kitties.

(His name was Jake and he was black with white paws.) The beautiful

grey ladykitty didn't seem to mind his question and by way of replying

she brought out of the basket a small pink toy mouse.

"This is a magic mouse, little ones," she explained in silken tones

with a faint purr behind each syllable, "and if you kiss his nose he

will bring your wish into this basket. Only one wish each, and be

careful what you wish for…" And with these words the beautiful grey

ladykitty faded into nothingness leaving the basket and mouse behind.

"Well that's chapter one and I need a rest, kitties, so if you want

some more you'd better bring me some Kissamouse cheer!" said Juanny

with a grin. His own beloved Yarrow had crept in quietly during

chapter one and was curled up at his side. He lovingly licked the top

of her head and accepted the cup of Mild Nip Cider that Punkin

proffered.

"We want to hear more, we want to hear more of the wonderful story!"

piped Orson and Winston together. "Yes, yes, I'll continue soon. In

the next chapter you will discover the name of the beautiful grey

ladykitty. First I need to take a short nap, this is such a lovely

warm fire…" and with that he curled around, his tail linked with

Yarrows and snoozed noisily.

After a short while Aurora came and batted him gently with her paw.

"Please do continue, dear Juanny, but first help yourself to these

tidbits. Four moths on a stick, and breast of mouse with nip sauce."

She said. Aurora then continued busying herself with the guests as

Juanny awoke from his catnap.

"Where was I" he murmured with a twinkle in his eye, "…and they all

lived happily ever after." The little ones squeaked in disbelief and

Juanny grinned at them and said, "No, haven't got to that bit yet have

I." The kittens giggled and tumbled over one another to get the best

seat.

Chapter Two (Juanny continued)

There were a fair few kitties out on that cold night. If you counted

mine and Ky Aurora's claws you'd have about the number of them.

There was the basket sitting in the snow, with the toy mouse peeking

out but no sign of the mysterious ladykitty. "Who was that?"

somekitty ventured softly. Jake, the bravest of the group, stepped

forward and looked inside the basket. "Theres a label sewed into the

inside!" he shouted and the others crowded around as he read…"'Ky A

Claws', I wonder what the A stands for? Anyway, fellow kitties, I

believe we have been visited by a saint. We don't know her first name

but I'm going to call her Saint A Claws! All the other kitties meowed

excitedly in agreement and so it was. They all began to refer to her

as Saint A Claws which very quickly got shortened to Santa Claws

because it was easier to say, and that is what she is called to this

day!

Now about the wishes…

Juanny paused to stretch and have an enormous yawn and Aurora chided

the helpers, "Now kitties there is no need to stop making decoration,

you can listen and work at the same time. What would you wish for if

you had just one wish?" she asked them as she organised them back into

the task of decorating the Tree. Juanny yawned again, stood up and

turned around three times before getting himself comfortable on the

mat again. He lay beside Yarrow who looked as if she was asleep but

she wasn't.

Chapter three (Juanny went on)

"So here we have a basket and a …toy mouse…to er…kiss." Said Jake

who's cheek fur had fluffed out in embarrassment. "Who would like to

go first?" He was just about to remind them about being careful and

to think before they wished, when an orange rolypoly kitten pushed

forward and quickly kissed the toy mouse saying "I wish for a million

trillion tins of cat food!"

Jake, thinking quicker than lightening, grasped the horrific

implication of the wish in a split second, and as the air filled with

an ominous rumbling and grumbling and the sky seemed to lose all of

its light, and several of the younger kitties began to cry, he cried

out "I-wish-that-wish-wasn't-granted!". The air cleared and a sigh of

relief whispered through their midst. Jake turned to Fluffy, (that

was the orange kitty's name) and scolded him. "We could have all been

killed! What good are tins without tin openers anyway?" But as he

saw the tear well up in Fluffy's eyes, Jake and the others forgave

him.

"That's two wishes used up, lets be more careful this time and just

make little wishes that we'd all enjoy," said Jake, and they all

agreed. The wishing continued in an orderly fashion, somekitty wished

for a giant cooked bird with yummy juices running out of it = enough

for all of them, and somekitty wished for sparkly toys that they could

bat around. Somekitty wished for a little fir tree that they could

hang the toys off and climb up. More food was wished for and there

were scarves and blankets and warm milk, no end of goodies and treats.

Oh what a happy clowder in that coldfrosty forest! They ate and they

played and had a wonderful time enjoying each others company.

Then there was just one kitty left to kiss the mouse and she sat there

thinking. She was a wise little one, and a deep thinker. She also

had a beautiful heart inside her that was full of love for all the

other kitties. Her name was Yarry and she was small and stripey grey.

(Juanny glanced slyly at Yarrow, who pretended not to notice.) She

talked softly to herself. "This is all very well for tonight, but

what of tomorrow and the next day and the day after that? What then

of these little ones?" Her eyes lit up and she began to purr loudly

and even laughed a little. She bounced up to the little pink toy

mouse (who was quite soggy from all the kittenkisses), and kissed it

smartly on the nose.

"I wish that all these kittens here be in nicenice humanslaves homes,

that won't 'bandon them and will love them and serve them good!"

The glade began to glimmer and shake, and just before everything faded

into into dark the kitties thought they caught a glimpse of a red

cloak and Santa Claws smiling to herself.

Each kitty found themselves in lovely warm humanhomes with yummy food

and smells and kind humans. And also, wonder of wonders, each

humanlivingroom had a brightly decorated Tree in the corner with

lovely sparkly kitty toys to play with. Even though they missed each

other they had human company and as time went on and the household

would get another kitty (Juanny winked at Yarrow), the story of Santa

Claws and the Kiss-A-Mouse would get passed on.

"So there you have it, kitties, the first kiss-A-Mouse. Of course

the humans got hold of the story and changed it into a MAN in a red

SUIT, but we know better don't we?" Juanny continued sleepily, "And

what happened to the basket and the toy mouse? Well, they are

probably out there in that forest to this day…"

THE END

Love to you all ...Bast Bless this festive season

Alison (Hoomin to only Ratfinx now)