Oh My Darling White Ally (the prose part)

So you want to help build a bright and equitable future for your kids and mine. So you want to meet people of color halfway —they are after all the majority on this planet—and work with us for a just and peaceful planet. Excellent idea! Know that you will be doing this not just to help us POC but to help yourself and all humanity. After all, some of the major problems we’re facing have white origins and they can’t be solved by wishing that POC would just disappear. However, before you get excited about being a white ally, get to know some of the roadblocks that people will throw at you.

1. They will doubt your motives.

I know this from being a straight ally and a male ally. During the 80’s, I remember walking into a restroom at a university (where I was a teaching assistant) and finding “Ray is gay” written all over the place. What did I do to change my sexual orientation so suddenly? Oh, earlier in class I said something about same-sex relationships being natural and historical. And I hung out with a gay man. So I must be gay. Fast forward to the 90’s when I was working for a tech company where I was on a diversity council that advocated hiring more women engineers. A male coworker suspected that I was doing this to gain favor with our women colleagues.

In the minds of many, you are an ally only because you’re getting something, sexual or monetary, out of it. In the case of Tim Wise, a great white ally, conservative whites accuse him of making a living stoking the grievances of people of color. On the flip side, did Thomas Jefferson’s clandestine relationship with Sally Hemmings and his biracial children make him less likely to be white ally (with his fear of being exposed)? One wonders.

Moral: Ignore (feel free to substitute a stronger word here) the conservatives.

2. They will judge you by your acquaintances.

Prosecutors in Cincinnati, where I live now, have padded their résumés by “felonizing” thousands of people of color (thereby making them unemployable and in some cases, ineligible to vote). As you do your justice work, your circle of acquaintances will grow to include felons (who include sex workers) and families of felons. Some of them will renew your faith in humanity, but others will betray it. You may soon have your own “Willie Horton.” White conservatives will then accuse you of dangerous, knee-jerk liberalism. If a 1% failure rate damns someone, how come Bernie Madoff, Charles Keating, etc. have not silenced the advocates for the rich? Call it white privilege, which you will be denied since you are taking the side of POC.

I believe Hillary Clinton lost the election in 2016 partly because she sided with POC. She would have won big if she’d learned some racist dog whistles.

Moral: Be prepared to be betrayed on all sides.

3. They will try to break you down.

Unrelenting stress from alienation from your fellow-whites will wear you down. Your own spouse or partner may turn against you and accuse you of caring more about “them” than about your own kind. You may start eating bad. You may stop working out. If you continue on this path, you will personally know why and how racism is killing POC in large numbers through hypertension and diabetes. But wait. Learn from the example of other justice activists like Gandhi who prepared for the long haul by eating right and getting lots of exercise.

The "white moderates" that Dr. King wrote about in his "Letter from Birmingham Jail" are still around in great numbers. They may not attack you but they will not support you. They belong to progressive organizations like UU churches not because they want to walk the talk but rather, it gives them an alibi. If they have a friend of color, that person instantly becomes their alibi too. These white moderates will watch you wither and withhold their affirmation rather than acknowledge how they have blocked you at every stage. Don't let them break you down.
Moral: Believe in yourself. Don't count on help from the children of the colonizers.

4. They may kill you.If all else fails. Do you think I’m exaggerating? Ask John Brown, Rev. James Reeb, Ms. Viola Liuzzo, Andrew Goodman, Michael Schwerner and so on. If you stand up for POC, you put yourself in the crosshairs of white retribution. How can you prevent this? You can’t. Just remember the millions of people of color from South America, to Africa, to India and the rest of the world, who died opposing white supremacy. Just make sure you have a will and write lots and lots about things you care about. For your children and for your white and POC friends. That’s what I’m doing.

Moral: When death comes, embrace it. It’s better to die once after living a fully connected life than die daily like cowards and bigots do.
***