Rating: 0/5 stars
I think my previous review was a bit too generous, so I'm re-writing it to describe EA's abomination of an app more accurately.
Dungeon Keeper's concept is mainly about digging out a dungeon, defending it, and battling against other dungeons. There was a game from 1997, the original Dungeon Keeper, which was apparently one of the best strategy games in the world. I haven't played it yet, but I should do some time.
Electronic Arts (EA), the company that made this mobile remake, are notorious for taking great games from the 1990s and turning them into really bad free-to-play junk. Some people are really angry at EA for wrecking their game, and they are exactly right. I watched a video of the original being played, and it looks great. EA seem to be bent on buying loads of really good companies and wrecking their games to turn them into rubbish apps.
But this new mobile Dungeon Keeper app is not a game. It doesn't even deserve to be referred to as a game. I'm about to explain why.
In the game, you open it up and you need to build, say, a Hatchery to provide room for your minions. To build a Hatchery you need an empty 3 x 3 space in your block terrain. You can just commission one of your "imp" workers to dig a block out for you.
You tap the first block you want to dig out and a four-hour timer springs up. After that you tap the next one and a 24-hour timer springs up. Yes, that's right, to dig out ONE piece of land you will have to wait a WHOLE DAY for it to dig out. Then you repeat for the other 7 squares, so digging out the space for just ONE room it will take you nearly NINE DAYS.
(There's a really great article called How In-app Purchases have Destroyed the Industry that explains the difference between the 1997 version and the 2014 EA version. Here.)
It will take you NINE DAYS unless you start shelling out your real money to buy "gems" to skip the ridiculous waiting times. The most expensive pack is a pack of gems for £79.99. EA say it's "Best Value" to pay £80 of your hard earned money for a few nonexistent "gems." HOW IS THAT BEST VALUE? (Sorry for my all caps but it's necessary here.) EA is just a load of greed.
EA are marketing Dungeon Keeper as a free game but it's not a game, it's a money-sucker app. Seriously, how is it a GAME if you play it by:
1. Open up the app
2. Tap a block
3. Wait 24 hours
4. Repeat with another block
There is absolutely zero game here. You're not having fun by doing that shameful cycle. These kinds of so-called "games" are making EA millions of pounds all the time.
The dictionary definition of "game" in this context is:
game
an activity one engages in for amusement
Honestly, if you find that kind of junk fun, you seriously, seriously, seriously need to...GET A LIFE. One of the worst things about this app is that it's getting LOADS of 5 star reviews.
As of the time of writing, the ratings in the Play Store are:
5 stars: 126,649
4 stars: 29,129
3 stars: 15,096
2 stars: 9,169
1 star: 33,467
There are OVER 126,000 PEOPLE GIVING THIS JUNK FIVE STARS. No offence intended, but these people, every single one of those 126,649 people, are complete idiots who don't know what gaming is. They actually think it's OK to "play a game" by waiting 24 hours over and over just to see some numbers change on a screen, and shell out thousands of pounds of real money to skip those waits. It's honestly pathetic. Just leave this junk alone and play real games.