Spoilers: Meridian
Rating: PG
Summary: Antonia's perspective on the events in Meridian.
Notes: As most of my fanfic includes an original character Antonia Richards who is Daniel's partner of course Meridian gave me ideas ;-)…. So here it is…
The title came from Daniel by Elton John.
A big hug to David for beta reading.
Dedicated to my dear friend Mac. "Some friends play at friendship, but a true friend sticks closer than one's nearest kin". [Proverbs 18:24]
There are moments in life when everything changes, some are planned some are expected but it's the unexpected that knocks the wind from you, and leaves you feeling as though you have been run over by a truck. That's how I feel right now. I've said to people in the past, you'll get over this, you'll survive, so easy to say those words to someone else, so much harder to believe when you are the one whose world has fallen apart.
The day my life turned upside down was an ordinary day, though what I have been doing with my life this past year is hardly ordinary. Daniel and SG-1 had been visiting a new planet, and negotiating with the Colonans, a fairly routine if somewhat frustrating mission from what Daniel had told me. I didn't really pay much attention to be honest; I had my own work to do. My last mission with SG5 had uncovered a huge amount of artefacts and I was happily cataloguing them.
I was so engrossed, I ignored the incoming traveller alarms, not expecting Daniel back until later, SG teams were coming and going all the time. Later I knew it was SG-1 that had returned.
Jack was the one that told me, he hovered in the doorway for awhile, his hands in his pockets, trying to find the difficult words he had for me.
I looked up and smiled at him, but there was no warmth in the soft brown eyes. He said my name and I knew; the first slam of that truck hit me.
"Daniel?" I asked though I already knew the answer.
Jack nodded.
I was on my feet and heading for the infirmary in seconds.
Janet left me alone with Daniel, he looked fine then, a few cuts from the broken window on his face, his hands bandaged, but no outward sign of the radiation that was slowly eating away at him.
Softly and matter of factly he described what would happen to him, a part of me screamed in denial, no there must be something we can do, someone, somewhere can help.
I couldn't cry then, I was just numb, it was a dream, I would wake up soon and Daniel and I would be back in our apartment, laughing, disagreeing over translations, and just when I was my most infuriated with him he'd kiss me and I forget everything expect how wonderful it was to love and be loved by him.
But I wasn't in Morpheus' arms it was all too real. Sam tried the Goa'uld healing device but it was no good; Daniel got worse. He wasn't in pain, Janet saw to that, but I couldn’t touch him couldn't hold him, it became harder and harder for him to talk. Even when Janet insisted I left him and get some sleep, I couldn't, I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling, remembering all the all the good times, trying to imagine my life without him.
Now I don't have to imagine he's gone…dead or is he?
"Jacob Stop" Jack said.
The Tok'ra stared at him, "Are you serious?"
"It's what he wants" Jack confirmed.
I nodded, I knew too, had seen what Jack had, Daniel was ready to ascend, ready to go on to the next plane of existence.
We were back in the gateroom again, not quite the gateroom, though an ethereal shadowy version of the real thing.
Daniel was whole here, his skin clear his eyes bright, he faced Jack, "I gonna miss you guys."
"Yeah, you too.
"Thank you. For everything."
Then he was with me, his hand on my cheek, tears in his eyes " I love you,"
I managed to croak, "I love you too."
A last embrace and kiss and my arms were empty.
"So, what? See you around?" Jack asked.
"I don't know." Daniel replied
He turned and walked up the ramp, the gate was active, but this was no normal wormhole, it was the doorway to some unknown place.
"Hey! Where are you going?" Jack called.
Daniel smiled, "I don't know." And then he was gone.
Back in the infirmary, a bright light began to glow in centre of Daniel's chest, growing bigger and bigger until his whole body was one swirling, eddy of light. It was beautiful, for a second it hovered over the bed, then it rose and disappeared through the ceiling.
I cried then, I was angry, how could he leave me! How dare he love me and give me hope of a future, give me so much happiness and throw it all away!
The anger went but the emptiness of missing him still stays. His absence is a constant dull ache. I see something new, hear some gossip and I think, must tell Daniel, then I remember he's no longer there and the pain stabs me afresh.
Though it's funny, sometimes I wonder if he is there watching us, I feel a draft a shiver, a warm emotion and I think of his smile and I smile too.
~ ~ ~
"Well Daniel says it's the best place that he's ever seen
Oh and he should know, he's been there enough
Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much."
Daniel ~ Elton John
© Katana 2002