Category: Romance/angst
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season Three, New Ground
Daniel's reaction to the events in New Ground.
Although a new research assistant was exactly what Doctor Daniel Jackson needed, he would have preferred a less traumatic way to find one. On the way to his office from the infirmary, the events of the previous day haunted him. Fortunately Teal'c would be fine thanks to "junior." and had been discharged that morning. Janet had just told him that Nyan would also make a full recovery and should be able to start working for him in a week or so.
Apart from a few bruises and a graze where he had slipped down into the hole where the DHD was located, Daniel was unharmed. He rubbed his arm absently where Rygar had zapped him with the energy weapon. Not for the first time he shuddered at the memory of Jack's body jerking against the electrified cage. What would have happened if General Hammond hadn't opened the gate? Jack seemed to have shrugged off the whole incident, but Daniel hadn't had years of military training.
The Nox were right the Human race were still very young, even on a distant planet, the prejudice and hatred of people with a different belief was the same.
He reached the sanctuary of his office his familiar belongings and equally familiar piles of files. A fresh stack of reports from Doctor Robert Rothman had appeared since he left for P2X 416. He skimmed through them quickly, delegating some to back to Robert and the other specialists.
He paused for a moment to refill his coffee cup, he had stayed up until the early hours, and even then, sleep had eluded him. The SGC bunk wasn't the most comfortable bed in the world and the images of Jack and Sam at the mercy of the Bedrosian military were all he saw when he closed his eyes. Perhaps he should have gone home but the apartment was empty and the bed seemed too big and lonely. He checked his watch, still ages before Toni was due back.
Yes that's where he should focus his thoughts; he closed his eyes imagining her smile. In few weeks, the stunning British archaeologist, Antonia Richards would become his wife. Right now she and SG4 were at the Alpha site working with the personnel there and upgrading some of the systems with data from Earth. They had been apart for almost a week, a long lonely week for him.
A small feeling of dread circled in the bottom of his stomach, the worry he tried to bury every time she went on a mission. He knew SG4 got the so-called soft missions, very rarely first contact stuff like SG1, usually routine cultural investigations or mineral surveys. He still worried that they might encounter a race like the Bedrosians and the Gou'ald were always a threat.
He had contemplated asking the General if he could contact the Alpha site by Radio when they had returned, wanting, needing to hear Toni's voice, even asking her to come back early, but he had dismissed the idea. She was a professional, she had her job to do and his insecurity was not a good enough reason for her to return.
He took off his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes, realising that that he had read the last page without taking in a single word. Concentrate Daniel he scolded himself, but his mind wandered again a few minutes later to the letter sitting on his desk at home. A job offer wasn't unusual but for some reason this particular one was nagging him, it must just be the stress of this latest mission. He turned his attention back to the files, and within minutes, he was absorbed in the details of the latest artefact found by SG2.
***********
A few hours latter, a burst of energy and colour erupted through the door, Antonia. She leapt on to his lap and kissed him, the momentum causing his chair to spin in a circle.
"Oh I've missed you." She said ruffling his hair. Before Daniel had a chance to reply, she kissed him again and then headed for the door. "Can't stop, debriefing, see you later." She called over her shoulder as she disappeared down the corridor.
"Oh Toni," Daniel smiled to himself.
***********
SG4's debriefing over, Antonia, now dressed in her own clothes and her hair its usual riot of coloured clips and snap on- beads, met Jack O'Neill in the corridor.
"Hey Toni." Jack smiled.
"Hey Jack."
"Where you been hiding?" he asked.
"The Alpha site."
"Oh right, Daniel did say, err, I don't suppose Major Coburn mentioned he owes me $20?"
"Ah, no but he's due back next week to take command of SG2. Don't tell me it was a bet."
"Oh I could tell you but then I'd have to shoot you." He chuckled.
"I'll pass then, gotta go, I want to see if Daniel's ready to leave." She waved her arm in the general direction of Daniel's office.
"Well after being away for a week, I know what you kids will be up to tonight." He winked attempting to embarrass her.
She was used to Jack's humour. "Oh yeah, I'm really looking forward to it, " she paused for effect, then grinned. " Can't wait to catch up on all those archaeological journals."
"Oh please!" was Jack's only response.
Antonia continued on her journey to find Daniel, Jack was in a good mood; obviously SG1 had had an uneventful time while she had been away.
***********
Now Antonia was back; Daniel was keen to go home but he still had to finish an urgent slide presentation for SG7, he was due to brief them first thing in the morning. Concentrating on the project, immersed in history, had been a welcome distraction, helping him to forget about the Bedrosians for awhile, Antonia's appearance brought him back to the present.
She came round behind him to see the screen. "Ah, Minoan."
"Yes, look at these." He showed her the rest of the presentation and they discussed the planet SG7 was due to visit, speculating on the artefacts they might find.
She ran her fingers idly through his hair as they talked, torn by the fascination of the information and the yearning to be with him after a week apart. The physical needs won; she slipped her hand inside the front of his T-shirt reaching for his chest and planted small kisses on the back of his neck.
His hand stopped hers," I really want to get this finished."
Reluctantly acknowledging it wasn't the time or the place, she moved away from him, "I'll head home, we can continue this later." She gave him her warmest smile.
"Yeah, I really do need to finish this." He emphasised, gesturing towards the screen but his eyes didn't leave hers.
She hadn't given up yet she leaned over the desk, deliberately giving him an eye level view of her cleavage, "Why don't you come with me?"
Daniel almost gave in to the pleading hazel eyes, but surprising himself, he shook his head in answer to her question.
"Okay." She sighed, "don't be too late." With a last lingering look, she left.
***********
Daniel's apartment was more crowded and cluttered than normal. Several packing cases lined the hallway. Antonia had given up her apartment and moved in a month ago; while she had been away the rest of her belongings from England, had arrived. Daniel forgetting the reduced width of the passageway collided with one of the boxes, dropping the papers he was carrying.
He swore colourfully in ancient Egyptian as he picked up his documents. "Toni, your damn boxes have been underfoot all week." He exclaimed.
"Sorry." She called, coming out of the kitchen.
"Just sort it out okay." He shouted at her.
Whoa where had that come from, "Daniel," she began but he had walked off.
Catching up with him, she reached out to touch his arm, unfortunately choosing the same spot where Rygar had repeatedly zapped him. He jumped back as if her touch had done the same.
"Leave me alone." He snapped, venting the frustration that he had felt on P2X 416 onto her, enjoying the release of pent-up anger.
She was furious now, she hadn't done anything wrong but something other than a few boxes was obviously stressing him. Swallowing her natural reaction to shout back at him, she spoke softly.
"What's wrong sweetheart?"
"I just told you! "
Antonia knew it was something else, but he was choosing to shut her out.
"Right fine, have it your way." She returned to the kitchen, probably best to let him sulk for the moment. What had made him so angry?
Now he was home she could finish the dinner; she boiled some water and cooked the pasta. What was going on? He had seemed a little distant earlier but she put that down to being at work. After serving the food, they sat at the table in silence; Daniel reading this was normal they often worked while they ate. Tonight though she wanted to talk, about what was bothering him, plus she was bursting with a week's worth of news and gossip from the Alpha site that she wanted to share.
As an opening, she tried an apology; although she knew she had done nothing wrong, "Look Daniel I am sorry about the boxes, they weren't due to arrive until I got back. I'm on leave for the next two days now, I'll sort through them tomorrow."
"Yeah whatever." He replied unenthusiastically not even looking up from his journal.
When they had finished the meal, Daniel cleared the plates and loaded the dishwasher, the domestic routine automatic.
***********
Antonia had thought of way to get him talking. She went to the hall, attached to the top box was an envelope containing the packing list. Wincing slightly at the shipping charges, she scanned the list locating the object she wanted. Ripping open, the appropriate box she dug down through the packing chips. Yes, a couple of layers of bubble wrap and the object was unwrapped.
Daniel was sitting on the couch, idling flicking through the channels on the TV; she switched of the set to get his attention.
"I've got something for you." She explained handing him the object.
All his apathy vanished the moment he saw it he jumped up and took the book from her hand.
The book was an early edition of Champollion's Egyptian dictionary; a well-thumbed and scruffy modern reprint was on his desk. He turned the book over slowly in his hands and then opened it, turning the familiar pages.
"What? How did you?"
"It was Roger's I'd forgotten I had it until I sent for all that stuff." She and Roger Reynolds had been engaged before his death nearly two years ago. "I was going to give it to you as a wedding present but I figured you need cheering up now."
"Oh Toni, thank you, this is wonderful " he pulled her into a hug. " I am sorry I've been really mean to you today haven't I?
"Yes you have, but I know you must have a reason, I hate it when you shut me out like this."
He looked past her for a moment, then said, "Teal'c was wounded yesterday."
"What!" she gasped, "is he alright?"
"Yeah, yeah, he'll be fine, his Gou'ald lava healed him." Placing the book reverently on the coffee table, he sat back on the couch and took off his glasses, rubbing the corner of his eyes.
Finally, Antonia knew she was getting somewhere; it would seem they had run into trouble on a mission. She wished Jack had said something earlier, given her an idea what to expect. Daniel was agonising over it; was he blaming himself for what happened? She sat next to him and took hold of his hand.
"Remember Sam's cold dialling programme, " he began.
She nodded.
"Well we had a hit, P2X 416, their archaeologists had uncovered their Stargate."
"So are they technologically advanced like the Tollan?"
"Not really, well, I don't know for certain, they had some interesting weapons but we never saw the city."
She had a hundred questions about the civilisation but they could wait, she knew she had to let him tell the story." What happened?"
He told her about the Bedrosians, their war with the Optricans, Rygar and the claustrophobic prison cages.
"Jack was so cool, I kept thinking I must be like him, give nothing away. I didn't know Teal'c had been injured, I imagined he would free us somehow. Then he…" Daniel ran his hand through his hair, shuddering at the memory "Rygar shot Sam and Jack with the zat gun, he kept on and on asking about Teal'c, the cages were electrified and Jack was unconscious. Toni I really thought he was going to die. I was lying to protect Teal'c and Jack was dying right in front of me."
"Daniel, I…" she stoked his cheek wiping away the tear that rolled slowly downwards.
"He seemed to know I was the weak one, not military. They dragged me out to show me the body of one of his men. I knew Teal'c must have killed him, it was a staff weapon blast, but I still had to kept lying." As he spoke he curled his hand into a fist and thumped the arm of the couch. "It was so frustrating being helpless like that."
She could see the tension etched on his face as she prompted him to continue. "How did you escape, did the General send in SG3?"
"No Teal'c was helped by one of the archaeologists Nyan and together they rescued us and we made it home."
"And Nyan?"
"He came back with us, the Airforce granted him refugee status, he's going to become a research assistant at the SGC."
"Wow, he's going to have a lot to adjust to."
"Oh yeah he's just found out everything he believed in his whole life wasn't true, I'd say that was some big adjustment." He replied grimly.
Antonia felt for the young man that she had yet to meet but silently thanked him for helping SG1. "I see now why you were so stressed, I can't even begin to imagine…"
"No you can't!" he exclaimed "That's why coming home to you just made everything worse."
"What!" she moved back from him in surprise, "How is it about me?"
"Its not. I just… being mad at you felt good."
"Oh I see, just great, you wanna fight with me because you couldn't fight the Bedrosians."
"I guess…" he chewed his bottom lip for a moment, " I'm sorry you don't deserve that."
"No I don't." She stood up and walked over to the window, deliberately distancing herself even further, to hold back her own anger. "I suppose you and Jack haven't talked about this have you?"
"Uh no."
"I thought so, " she rubbed her forehead as she stared out of the window, "I suspect that man wouldn't know an emotion if he fell over it!"
Daniel leaped up from the couch and came over to her grabbing her upper arm to turn her attention back to him. He defended his friend "Hey that's not fair."
"So while you're agonising he's laughing and joking like nothing happened." She said bitterly.
"That's just how he copes, you know that. Remember I've seen him ready to give up, I don't even want to think about the dark places he's been."
"I'm sorry I guess I'm the one deflecting my anger now."
There was a half smile from Daniel in response, an acknowledgement that he had being doing the same earlier.
"You know Toni, this has even made me think again about resigning from the SGC."
"What?" she knew he was troubled but that was unexpected.
"I had another letter from Doctor Ajami, he's offered me my old post at Columbia, next semester if I'm interested."
Up to now she had been trying to concentrate on Daniel's feelings but at this news her first concern was for herself. "So I'd be expected to pack up and follow you to New York, just like that, what would I do? "
"Oh, "she could tell by Daniel's horrified expression that he hadn't considered her, he struggled for words. " I guess you could…they might need you in the history department."
"Daniel you might want to go back to being a professor but the idea doesn't appeal to me at all. How can you compare that with the excitement of the Stargate? You want to give up the wonder of all those worlds we may discover, to teach spotty disinterested geeks, theories you no longer believe in."
As she spoke, she knew she was being a little extreme but she was barely controlling her temper.
"It was just a thought, an option." He reflected.
"Aren't you forgetting the promise you made to Sha're?" She asked.
"No! No of course I haven’t, it's just… " He reached out and touched her hair, running a few strands through his fingers. " Sometimes I'm so terrified of losing you!" The mention of his first wife reminding him of everything he had lost once before.
"I'm not going anywhere." She said softly.
"You'll travel through the Stargate, what happened to us with the Bedrosians, it could be you next time." He explained, telling her what he feared the most.
"You don't know that. You never know what's around the corner in life," Her voice rose in intensity, the irritation returning "You think I don't worry about you when you go on your missions; of course, I do. But what difference does it make? Every big earth-shattering event in my life has hit me out of the blue.
She sighed with exasperation, "Daniel how can you prepare for that? You just have to deal with life as it comes along. There is no point worrying yourself silly over what might be. Shit happens to everyone whether we go looking for it or not!"
As she spoke, he thought of his parents, the rainy night he met Catherine, Sha're offering herself to him, an office in the British Museum, where he first looked into Toni's amazing eyes. Other images, other places, of course she was right; life was totally unpredictable, especially theirs.
He always knew she felt that way. She had been the same on Edora, living for today, the past has gone, we can't change that, the future an unwritten page. He always agreed with her but until now, he never really understood it. But how could you be afraid of the future when it was all unknowns? One of the reasons why he had fallen in love with her was her natural optimism, her ability to look always on the bright side. He also realised they had wasted most of the evening talking and fighting when they could have spent it having much more fun.
He smiled at her, "You are one very special lady Antonia Richards, I love you."
She was thrown for a moment by the change in him, ready to continue her rant, then his words sunk in, and she beamed back at him. Her face flushing with the compliment.
"Daniel Jackson you are the most infuriating…."
She didn't get a chance to finish her insult his lips claimed hers.
This time there was no protest when her hands slipped inside his shirt.
***********
Talking through his fears with Antonia had helped but the memory of his imprisonment still came back to Daniel's dreams. He awoke sweat drenched in the night calling out.
"Jack! No! Turn it off! You'll kill him!"
Antonia pulled him close, cradling his head on her breast, slowing stroking his hair until the tears stopped and exhausted he slept.
***********
Daniel was just getting ready to leave for the SGC when Antonia woke the next morning.
"Hey I didn't want to wake you." He said as she came into the kitchen seeking coffee.
She smiled, "must be all these military hours, I seem to wake up anyway."
"Yeah, right." He sympathised.
She touched his arm; "You okay?"
He nodded, "Yeah I will be thanks to you."
She smiled up at him.
"So got anything interesting planned today?" he asked
"Well I'll unpack those boxes this morning, then I've got some wedding stuff to do."
"Anything I can help with?"
"Oh no!" She exclaimed a little flustered.
He suspected it involved the mystery of the wedding dress, "I see, best not to ask huh?"
She repeated Jack's quip, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to shoot you."
He laughed. "I gotta go, or I'll be late for SG7's briefing."
"I might see you later, I'd like to meet Nyan."
"I better warn him then!"
"Ha Ha." She hit out at him playfully. He fended her off and pulled her into his arms for a goodbye kiss.
***********
Antonia had a very productive morning all the boxes were unpacked and sorted; she had caught up on her laundry, the mail from the past week and made half a dozen 'phone calls organising the wedding. She was just deciding to head out to the supermarket to stock up, when the doorbell rang, it was an airman from the SGC.
"Doctor Richards?"
"Yes."
"I have a package for you from Doctor Jackson, please sign here."
She did, "Thank you."
"Ma'am" He saluted and left.
Opening the manila envelope, she found a small gift-wrapped parcel from Daniel; she read the tag.
"Toni, Thank you for yesterday, please listen to this. I don't always have the words to tell you how much I love you, so I'll let this song do it for me. XX Daniel."
She ripped off the paper; it was a CD single Amazed by Lonestar, she slipped it into the player and listened. Before the song finished, she was crying tears of happiness.
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
It's almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see you dreams
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by side
For ever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
Touch every place in my heart
Although it feels like the first time, every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes.
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by side
For ever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you
Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by side
For ever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh oh yeah
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you
Song © Marv Green/Aimee Mayo/Chris Linsey
© Katana 2000