Art Installations and Videos

Did I really receive an education? Looking back, I’m not so sure. I wanted to portray how my computer was such the educational portal to parse, manipulate, and control data and knowledge. But I allowed this education to define me and even carried this educational pursuit into my study of theology and biblical languages, as if a relationship with God was a function of knowledge. Did I really "know" anything? This was my "miseducation."

Meanwhile, deeper passions of justice began surfacing the futility of my miseducation and set me on a course upward, towards an education I previously never imagined, to know my passions, emotions, my personhood, soul, the person in me that God loves. This piece expresses the contrast between these two halves of my life. My miseducation only fed my head; this “inward education” is filling up my soul, and it’s even unlocking the power of my previous education, even the 1’s and 0’s I once studied!

Contact Steve for Password to this video: https://vimeo.com/214330798

Wilderness

“There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality.”

- Peter Scazzero

When I was going through my wilderness, the time when my family’s health was so unstable that I had to resign from my work and I had no idea what the future held, I drew a picture in my journal that resembles what you see before you. I felt my world caving in and my sense of normalcy shaken.

Though much of my wilderness has now past, this installation leaves that out, to symbolize that in my time of wilderness, I could see no “light at the end of it.” For all I knew, this was the “new normal” that I had to accept.

But this wilderness was a blessing in disguise. Before the time of wilderness, there were so many more lies about myself that I believed in. The wilderness jolted me out of my "unreality” and transformed me to believe more of what is most true about me. I’m beloved.

Contact Steve for Password to this video: https://vimeo.com/216342272

"“There have been so many times in my life when an invitation has come from somewhere … the cosmos … the divine … to step out of the familiar into something new. I’ve found it’s best to listen for and follow these promptings. The song is really about that. You can stay with what you know or you can pack your bag and go where you’re called, even if it seems weird — even if you can’t see why or where you’ll end up.” Bruce Cockburn.

"40 Years in the Wilderness" https://youtu.be/ciM02HAZBLc After he sang it at my party, he released "Bone on Bone" which won a Juno award. Check it out here:

Authenticity

I’ve long felt the acceptance from being on stage since my days of youth. From giving news reports, speeches, teaching, playing music, dancing, speaking, I loved the escape from my normally shy self. However, I was often one person on stage, and another off stage. I longed for the stage because I felt accepted there, but it was not the real me...until the last few years...after the “wilderness.”

I wanted to express here my pursuit of authenticity, that I can be the same person off stage as I am on stage.

My quest for authenticity will very likely take the rest of my life, but at least I can imagine the trajectory. And I am graced with colleagues who model this. We can laugh, and cry together. These men don’t wear their degrees and accomplishments on their sleeves. This is authenticity.

Contact Steve for Password to this video: https://vimeo.com/216341935

At the party, after the "authenticity" video, I planned to play one of my favorite songs, originally planning to play on top of Prince, then take over the song as Prince faded away. However, the sound failed, I was distracted, and I experienced both the worst and best performance ever - worst because I never hit so many wrong notes, and best because I was able to be present throughout. It turned out to be my most authentic playing ever. (for you guitar nerds out there, I switched from using all my fingers, to just one finger in an attempt to increase volume, midstream through the song)

Steve playing a cover of a Prince cover: https://youtu.be/oLwC3hGWcgQ

Husbandhood

Since my youth, I’ve been fixing walkmans, building circuits to secretly bug my family members, installing car stereos and eventually graduated to fixing digital cameras and cell phones, much to my wife’s dismay (because things never work the same way after I fix them:))

I confess, that year when my wife was not well, I was trying to deny it with every fiber of my body. But with taking on the care of my son and all household duties, there was no space to hide. So I naturally succumbed to my instincts to “fix her” in any way possible, as if hooking her up to my old “tools of the trade” would do any good. It did not help that “western” doctors had no diagnosis for her symptoms. I could not fix her nor the situation. That’s where I surrendered - threw up the white flag. And that’s where I learned to just sit, to be a husband learning to be present alongside her in the uncertainly.

Contact Steve for Password to this video: https://vimeo.com/216341978

Immediately following this video at the party, my long-time friend Eric Owyoung offered some words that I hold dear to my heart. Then, along with Kate Lamont, they sang this song: https://youtu.be/tS6sX78sj4Q

Work