Christmas 2020
People tell me that they like my Christmas letters because the letters are funny and lighthearted. Unfortunately, 2020 hasn’t been a very funny year. It has been characterized by a deluge of tragedy and misfortune. Out-of-control wildfires in Australia and the western US were devastating, there were so many Atlantic hurricanes that they had to be named with Greek letters, dozens of our communities were beset with civil unrest, the covid pandemic went viral with over 300,000 mostly-preventable deaths in the US alone, and, perhaps most disturbing, an entire political party has worked to subvert the will of the American people in free and fair elections in order to instill a despot. So, in order to lighten things up, I’ll pepper this letter with a few non sequitur jokes. For example, how many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he just says it’s changed, and they all stand in the dark and cheer.
Overall, our family has been lucky enough to be doing very well. I have been able to work remotely since mid-March, and the kids are doing great with remote learning. Make no mistake, we yearn for normalcy, but we’re making the best of the situation. The other day I saw a young child alone and crying. I asked, “Where are your parents?” which resulted in the child crying even harder. This happens to me a lot since I started working at the orphanage.
Calvin is hanging in there, still trying to find himself. His most recent gig is pizza delivery, which is pretty good when his car is working. In the meantime, he’s managed to make friends across the world through online gaming, which is pretty cool when you think about it.
Felix is fixing to start his last semester of high school. He’s in the Running Start program, so he’ll also be wrapping up an associate’s degree at the community college. He performed very well on the college entrance exams, so getting into the university of his choice won’t be a problem. Affording it might be, so now we’re working on scholarship applications. Connie walked in on me while I was looking at an adult website. In a panic, I changed the tab to a cooking site. She said, “You might as well change it back, you already know how to cook.”
Quincy keeps things interesting, as usual. He’s 15 now, if you can believe that, and exists in this weird juxtaposition of adolescence and young adulthood. Like, he does childish things, but he has the power of a more mature body to wreak bigger havoc. Just one Quincy story: One night at about 3:30 am Connie woke me up and said that she heard the garage door open. I went down to investigate but didn’t see anything of note. Upon returning to bed, I was reviewing in my mind what I saw and realized that what I didn’t see was Quincy’s bike. So I got in the car to go track him down. Turns out he was at the park working out on the exercise equipment. At 3:30 in the morning. Also, he’s been chewing on electrical cords, so I grounded him because he was conducting himself so poorly.
Leon has grown about a foot this year, much to Quincy’s chagrin; Quincy liked being taller as the older brother, but those days are gone. Leon has developed into a pretty smart and independent kid who likes to read the op-eds and letters to the editor in the local paper. He likes analyzing and picking apart the arguments in the letters, which turns out to be pretty easy in this community. He’s active in boy scouts and keeping up with the trumpet, even though he can’t take lessons and the band can’t meet at school. One day Connie walked up to me with a certain look in her eye. She told me to take off her blouse, so I did. She then told me to take off her skirt, so I obliged. Finally, she quietly told me to take off her underthings. When I was done she said, “Don’t ever wear my clothes again, you stretch them out.”
Dorothy is growing up, too; she’ll be 10 in a month. The pandemic has been particularly hard for her, because she’s the most social of our kids and really misses her friends. But she’s doing well in the 4th grade gifted class, and is currently able to attend 4 days per week because that class is small. Apart from school, she is doing well at piano lessons and enjoys girl scouts. I’ve been having really bad gas lately, so I finally went to the doctor. I explained that I’m always always uncomfortable and frequently passing gas, but at least it doesn’t stink. He said, “We’ll fix your gas problem, but first we need to get you tested for covid.”
Connie has been taking things a day at a time, but, as a social creature, it’s been tough. She still subs at the local school when she can and strictly enforces the mask and distancing rules. Some of the kids are a little slow on the uptake, but protecting the health of others is not negotiable. She tested positive for covid in July and spent about a week in bed and several more weeks recovering, but there doesn’t appear to be any lasting effects. Fortunately, and perhaps miraculously, nobody else in the family tested positive. And her biggest news is that she has started another bachelor’s program, this one in speech therapy through Utah State University. With her first semester over (and straight A’s to boot), she only has two semesters to go!
My life hasn’t changed that much with this year’s madness. I’m still doing the same job but with a change of venue. My commute is significantly shorter, and my personal dress standards have relaxed considerably. I think I’ve also gained the “covid 19,” as my clothes don’t fit quite as well as they used to. About a month ago I finally got the shoulder surgery that I’ve been needing for a while. I had a torn rotator cuff tendon and a bad bicep tendon. Basically, the surgery has been followed by a month of regret; I didn’t realize how painful and drawn-out the recovery would be. But, as my grandfather used to tell me, as one door closes, another door opens. He was a terrible cabinetmaker.
We didn’t take any family vacations this year, obviously, but we did go for a couple of campouts that were pretty fun. Probably the biggest news is that we had our kitchen remodeled. This was sorely needed and mildly inconvenient for about 8 weeks. We enjoyed the inconvenience so much that we then had our master bath remodeled. Mostly, though, we’ve been staying home and hunkering down. The coronavirus is no joke, so we are really trying to protect ourselves and others. I wish everyone was as conscientious. Alas, the politicization of simple things like masks has made it so that many tens of thousands will die needlessly.
Merry Christmas,
From the Jacob Family