This year’s letter is late because I couldn’t think of anything to write about. Same job, same house, same kids, same wife, no major accomplishments, no major illnesses. Connie did have some of the last vestiges of her womanhood removed in a routine surgery, but that’s not really something that decent people discuss. I guess the big news this year in our family is that Calvin is now driving. It’s not really surprising news, though, for a 16-year-old to get a driver’s license. In Washington,
young drivers can’t drive with non-family passengers for the first 6 months. This makes dating awkward, since Connie or I have to drive, although a smart kid would take advantage of this by necking in the back seat while being chauffeured around.
Felix is growing up, too. He’s in the eighth grade but has to go to the high school for math because they ran out of math in middle school for kids that are smarty pants. After his first math test we got a post card from his teacher congratulating him on a perfect score. Nerd alert! Lately he’s been saving money to go to a filmmakers camp in LA next summer, which is good, because he likes to make videos and put them on YouTube (look for his “This Is Felix” channel). It’s also good because they kind of suck and we hope he gets a lot better at it if he’s going to keep making us watch them.
Quincy’s next. He’s 11 now and growing up fast. It seems like just yesterday that he couldn’t even wipe his own butt – oh, wait, that was today (we’re still working on potty issues). Really, though, this kid keeps us entertained in a big way. I wish I could write down all the off-the-wall and hilariously inappropriate things he says. Those of you who follow us on Facebook know what I’m talking about. Those of you who don’t – well, that’s what imaginations are for. But here’s an anecdote: One day Quincy was supposed to go to a friend’s house just around the corner. Shortly after he left, our neighbor’s name came up on Connie’s caller ID – Connie figured maybe she found Quincy wandering around. Connie answered the phone to find to her confusion that Quincy was on the line. What’s going on? Is something wrong? No, the neighbors weren’t home and Quincy just decided to hang out at their place, maybe order some pizza.
Leon is sort of our forgotten child. Quincy and Dorothy get all the attention and he’s left in the middle. That’s too bad, I guess; but he’ll get over it. He’s back in the third grade again, but in the gifted class this time. It’s more challenging, but he says he likes that he’s not the only kid that knows the answers now, even though he’s still the smartest kid in the class. See, Calvin’s a pretty smart kid, but he doesn’t let on. Felix is really smart but pretty humble about it. Quincy is smart, in
his own mischievous way, but he has absolutely no idea. Leon, on the other hand, will wave his brains in your face (figuratively) and make you feel bad about how dumb you are, then he’ll laugh at you and make you feel bad all over again. Connie says there’s absolutely no doubt whose son he is. I have no idea what she’s talking about.
And then there’s Dorothy. Sweet, sweet Dorothy. Dorothy is the most adorable, girliest little girl who loves to wear dresses and play with princess dolls in a household full of the above-mentioned morons, hooligans, and troublemakers. You can imagine how she has to hold her own – eat or be eaten, you know? Actually, it’s more like beat or be beaten. She started kindergarten this year. One day, it was brought to our attention that a kid at school was pestering her to play at recess. She didn’t want any part of it. Eventually, the teacher had to rescue the poor kid from a headlock, probably with Dorothy saying something like “What’s my name?” over and over again.
Let’s see, family news. We had a couple of reunions in Utah. One was for Connie’s family, held, unfortunately, under the saddest of circumstances: Connie’s father, truly a perfect example of fatherhood and a wonderful and loving man, finally succumbed to cancer. The other was for my family. It was the first time we had all been together since, I don’t remember, 6 years maybe? It was a good reminder of why we usually wait so long between reunions.
A little closer to home: This year Connie wanted to get some chickens. Actual live chickens that live in a coop in the backyard and say “cluck, cluck”. Well, if the lady wants chickens, the lady gets chickens. I guess she felt as though we weren’t paying nearly enough for eggs already, so we needed to tack on a zero or two to the price of each one. I’ll tell you what: if they produced a tenth as much in eggs as they do in clucking poo, we’d be coming out way ahead. So. Much. Poo. Oh, and did I mention the poo? Because, there’s a lot of poo. She also wanted to double our raised-bed garden space, which I dutifully did in the spring. So now, instead of one $300 tomato, we get two $300 tomatoes. But at least I have a place to put all the poo.
So, on that note, let’s put 2016 to bed by having a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,
The Jacob Family
Rick, Connie, Calvin, Felix, Quincy, Leon, Dorothy, a couple cats, and a few chickens