Bob (Robert) Nelson

Bob was born in Cheyenne Wyoming in 1942. His family moved to San Carlos California in 1946 due to the United Airline moving its maintenance hub from Cheyenne to San Francisco.

Bob was drafted during his graduate education. He opted for the Air Force if possible, but he also signed up for Peace Corps. Peace Corps' offer came first and that changed his life trajectory. He was sent to Niger because he wanted to polish his French—his interviewer said he was the only person who didn't say things like "I want to save the world" when asked for the reason for joining.  There he taught agriculture and blacksmithing. He didn't know either subject, so he learned from a Foreign Legion volunteer (a French version of Peace Corps) in the morning, and taught in the afternoon, all in French. This was his first exposure to teaching.

After Peace Corps he returned to the United States and continued his graduate study. However the focus shifted from international business to teaching. As part of the program, he needed to study a foreign language and to teach in a foreign country for 2 semesters. The school would not accept French because he already spoke it, so Bob picked Spanish and interned in Barcelona. After receiving his master degree, he went back to Barcelona and taught at the same institute where he had interned and stayed for 6 years. 

In Barcelona he didn't socialize with his colleagues because they were all Americans and he wanted to learn Spanish.  So he only hung out with Spaniards. One of them taught modern dancing and invited Bob to her class.  Instantly Bob was bitten by the dance bug and his life came into focus. He started mingling with dancers, and performance art became a part of life.

Bob moved back to the US in 1974, because Spain was oppressive to gay people. General Francisco Franco was still alive.  He got a part-time job at SF City College teaching ESL, joined a local dance company, and started ushering; teaching 15 hours a week didn't allow for luxury things like ballet tickets.

Bob met Ben during the 1980 Nutcracker season. Ben was a poor college student and ushering was the only way to see operas;  ballet filled the gap during hiatus in the opera season. They got hitched a few times (SF Domestic Partners in 1982, CA Domestic Partners in 1999, and Gavin Newsom's gay marriage in 2004). The 2004 one became permanent when the Supreme Court of the United States grandfathered that marriage.

Bob retired from teaching in 1999, and shortly after Ben quit his job so their schedules could be in synch. They roamed the world until the arrival of a cute French bulldog puppy at their door, given to them by friends who thought they had gone too long without a dog.  Bogie (short for Beauregard) stole Bob's heart and, needless to say, traveling was relegated from a quarterly event to an annual or biennial one.

Bob was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2016, and went through surgery and chemo treatments.  There was a welcome respite of 3 years, then metastasis and more chemo and radiation. He ushered pretty much through out the wrestle with cancer,  Bob only stopped ushering after the 2023 summer opera season as his stamina diminished. He succumbed on March 3, 2024.

All these years, through various life-changes, Bob never wanted to stop ushering. He loved talking to fellow ushers. He loved talking about the performance; years ago, when ushers didn't need to work during intermissions, he and a bunch of fellow ushers would rush downstairs to grab a table, drink their coffee, and dissect what they just saw. He loved talking to patrons—he loved in particular a patron who would often come with a handful of candies, offering them to ushers as she walked down the aisle.  And he loved to badmouth Nutcracker. By his calculation, he had ushered close to 200 Nutcrackers. Even when he stopped ushering and came as a patron, he loved talking to fellow ushers. To Bob, the Opera House is home away from home, and fellow ushers family.

This remembrance was submitted by Ben Chai, a fellow usher and Bob's partner for over 40 years.

Posted here March 9, 2024