iOhug

A Special April 1 Announcement [2011]

We know that some volunteer ushers have issues with the way online scheduling works (or doesn't) and the complexity of getting information from OHUG.

We've heard you and today from Apple Corp., PRESTO Group & Event Manager, and Google, Ink. comes a panacea that will revolutionize your ushering experience. These OHUG supporters have combined their skills to produce a special device designed to bring to you one of the finest Internet-friendly tools ever made. With this in hand, you will easily access the information you need to see operas and ballets for free and, with the flick of a finger, get yourself immediately scheduled whatever your Nutcracker status. It is that good and that much of an advance on our current primitive methods.

Today we introduce . . . the iOhug. An official announcement will be forthcoming today from the Apple corporate campus in Sunnydale. Margaret "Hal" Dumont, manager of the volunteer awards and services division, plans to tell representatives of international news organizations "how proud Apple is to partner with the dedicated volunteer ushers at the War Memorial Opera House in order to recognize the splendid efforts necessary to produce, diurnally and nocturnally, so much good for the world. Apple certainly understands: we do this in our own quiet way all the time." As to the device itself: Apple has reconfigured the A6 iPad it had in development into a dedicated gizmo that will feed you the latest updates on the OHUG website. But wait, there's more. The iOhug will be in asynchronous communication with PRESTO Group and Event Manager. This means that now PRESTO can give you a buzz (or other alarm) when a specific performance or event that you want becomes available. Eventually we hope to have a more sophisticated interface that will automatically schedule you and others waiting for the same performance. Are there other ushering features, you ask. How about these? + GPS: the scheduling team can monitor the location of every device and thus calculate your travel time to the Opera House. No more searching for the usher hotline number to notify us of your delay. And tea or coffee can be ready for you when you enter the volunteer usher door, once you let us know which you prefer.

+ Half sheet: half an hour before report time, your iOhug will be fed the daily half-sheet; never again will you have to ask for another one when you drop yours or give it to a needier fellow volunteer. This sheet will have up-to-the-minute cast changes and last-minute patron special events.

+ Camera as scanner: once at your assigned location, you will be able to use the built-in rear camera to scan a patron's ticket; the screen will immediately display a map with the quickest way to the patron's seat (no more having to make that pesky differentiation between Balcony Circle and Balcony tickets, no more counting the number of people who will have to get up to get a patron to the right seat). The patron’s quickest emergency escape route will also be displayed.

+ Flashlight: an app will reduce the lit part of the screen to a one-inch diameter circle so that you can read tickets and row letters in the dark as well as show patrons obstructions on the way to their seats.

In addition, iOhug 1.0 will expedite other patron services, out of the box!

+ An app will provide a graph of each women's room and how many people are in line (available starting 10 minutes before the curtain rises).

+ The same app will give the location and direction of travel of both elevators.

+ iOhug communicates with

-- Patina, so you can help patrons with reservations and provide a 10% discount on most drinks and snakes

-- The Taxi Ramp ticket taker, so you can now take taxi reservations with any special requirements

-- The Lost and Found database (enter a sufficiently precise description and all matching items will be displayed in 3D along with their current location, usually the North Coat Check Room or Room 110 in the War Memorial Building).

Yes, we know you will need a thank-you for carrying this weighty, 1.4 pound patron-assistant with you at all times. Therefore we are working to have available by the beginning of the Ring Cycles in mid-June a feature for usher-unfriendly performances and events. And we don't mean forty-eight versions of solitaire. iOhug will wirelessly connect to Opera Vision, Balcony Vision, or Lobby Vision in the Opera House so that you can see the stage no matter where you choose to sit and relax outside the auditorium. And you will have the option of storing that podcast in your iOhug so that you can enjoy it later as well, and share it with your family and friends; we've negotiated with the musicians' and dancers' unions so no payment for the rights is needed--just another example of how valued and trusted the volunteer ushering program is around the House.

Also in the works are a program-stuffing app and, once paid staff get units, an SOS button which will put you in the queue for your Head Usher's attention. We'd like your experience to be as easy and fun as going for ice cream at Mitchell's.

Delivery of the first units is expected on April 31. Every usher who wants one should have it in-hand by the end of the Ballet season (methods of distribution are still being developed, as are future indoctrination sessions). Please note that, while the first unit is free, there will be a charge for replacing lost ones, much as is done for a second plastic House Usher Badge. We have what we consider to be a very nominal fee, $19.84 per replacement. That is also the charge if you want your iOhug upgraded to a regular Internet device. Apple is supplying only basic iOhugs and we are contracting with Jailbreakers OP (with Apple's permission) to turn them into full iPads, Android tablets, or even Kindles or Nooks.

We hope that you are as excited as we are about this major enhancement to the Ushers' Toolkit and that you will want to participate in this first step in the anticipated replacement of human volunteers with machines. (posted 4/1)

Distribution of the iOHUG has been delayed due to construction of the Central Subway. Subterranean tunnelling under Stockton Street has created data-promulgation issues with the huge communication and information storage center in the basement of the Apple Store on Stockton Street.