Our son, Michael, is a high school history teacher. It's been his dream since he was a sophomore in high school. He's certified to teach middle school, but prefers the older kids. Middle school kiddos are a completely different story! Middle school kids are finding out who they are, and sometimes they run over one another as they climb the social ladder. I knew what could happen…I just didn’t know where my children would fall on that ladder (and I hope the words “fall” and “ladder” weren’t lost on you).
Years ago, the whole family found out our eldest son’s place in the middle school universe while sitting around the dinner table.
“I have a headache tonight,” Christopher said while picking over his pork chop.
This is usually a ploy, because my darling son doesn’t like meat. Don’t go off on me…he does like hot dogs, bologna and chicken pieces that have been chopped and formed into ‘nuggets.’ He simply doesn’t like real meat.
“Well, if it’s so bad that you can’t eat, then you’ll need to go straight to bed,” I replied.
“No, Mom, really,” he said, rubbing the top of his noggin. “I was hit in the head by a locker this afternoon.”
In the sixth grade, Christopher’s locker was on the bottom (a little piece of irony that wasn’t lost on me). Just above him and to the left was the locker of one of the ‘popular’ girls. She didn’t see him one day and opened her locker as he was standing up. As Christopher recounted the story, I looked at Michael. He loves pork chops, and often asks if there are enough for seconds. Michael was sitting in his chair, facing his brother. His fork was on his plate.
“Michael, don’t you feel well today?” I asked.
“Huh? I was just listening to Christopher’s story,” he said.
“Well, buddy, did the young lady apologize?” I asked, turning my attention back to my oldest child.
“Are you kidding? That would mean she would have to talk to me, Mom,” he said.
Now, to be fair, the young lady did offer a sympathetic glance, and Christopher was not psychologically harmed by the encounter.
“What do you mean?” Michael asked.
This was good stuff. He was learning something new about his older and wiser brother.
“She’s one of the popular kids,” Christopher said. “She wouldn’t talk to me.”
Michael was dumbfounded.
“You’re NOT popular?”
The bubble popped, loud and unceremoniously.
“Let me show you how things work in middle school, Michael,” Christopher said.
I started to giggle to myself. This was a whole new side of my son. He was passing on a bit of cherished wisdom to the next in line. Christopher grabbed the ketchup bottle (Michael loves meat, but cannot eat it without dousing it in ketchup), and set it in front of him.
“Let’s say this is the middle school food chain,” Chris began to explain.
He put his hand on the cap.
“These are the popular kids,” he demonstrated.
He then put his hand about an inch from the bottom of the bottle.
“This is me.”
Again, Michael was simply dumbfounded.
“You’re NOT popular?” was all he could ask.
It was more a traumatic experience for Michael than it was for Chris. Our oldest son was laughing at the whole situation. I was so happy that his place in the middle school fish bowl didn’t seem to bother him.
Jim and I took the rest of the meal gently explaining to all of our children that popularity was something that did not come from within. We told them they needed to focus on the things that came from the inside…things like respect for others, kindness, and charity. Popularity, we said, might be the big thing for a few years, but it fades away.
When it was Michael’s turn to enter the fish bowl, he already has an inkling of his place on the perceived food chain.
“I know I’m not going to be one of the popular kids,” he told me.
“Why not, sweetie?” I asked.
“That’s o.k., Mom, it doesn’t bother me.”
To look at us, you’d never be able to tell I was this child’s mother. But Michael inherited the one thing I truly wanted to pass on to my children. He’s comfortable in his own skin, and he honestly doesn’t care what others think about him. These days, our three young adult children are quite popular. Popular with their life-long friends, popular with their co-workers, and most definitely popular with their parents!