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Couple Conversation
Couple Conversation
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again"
The man said, "No dear."
The woman said, "I'm sure you would."
So the man said, "Okay, I would"
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed"
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs"
And the man replied, "No, she's left handed."
The Amazing Golf Ball
The Amazing Golf Ball
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it"
"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"
"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it" What if you hit it into the water"
"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods"
"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark"
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"
The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it"
"I found it."
The Difference Between Men and Women
The Difference Between Men and Women
Wife’s Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing…’I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Husband’s Diary:
A five putt… who the f*&k five putts?
Ball Below Your Feet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ror8dKP8KaM
A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club.
He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.
Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine."
The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.
Undaunted, the husband said, "That's OK, Sweetheart" and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in.
His wife then proceeded to take her putter out and knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.
Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.
He took the ball out of the hole and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey five and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole."
To which she replied, "Listen asshole, don't bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine
A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."
The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."
The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot - approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: "We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the Ladies' tee box!"
To which the man turns around and yells: "And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!"
Robin Williams - Golf (Lots of bad words---you've been warned)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDQd49rEF_0
A U.S. citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round of golf and is paired with three local gents. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the first tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a Mulligan. He pounds one down the center of the fairway about 280 yards out.
With a big smile, he asks the others "In the U.S., we call that a Mulligan; was wondering what you called it here in Ireland."
After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, "Hitting three."
Two men ran out to the course for a quick nine after work. They get to the tee and see two ladies playing ahead of them.
One of the men complains that the ladies will slow them down and says he is going to ask if they can play through. He goes halfway to the ladies and turns back.
The other man asked what was wrong. The man said, "I can't go up there that's my wife and my mistress."
So the other man says he will go. He goes halfway and comes back. His partner asked what happened and the man replied, "Small world, huh?"
GOLF AND THE COW
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle .
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'
'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''
'I don't remember much after that'
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