N.B. The main website covers the published books and articles etc. about attention seeking. If you want these, please go back to the home page of this subsidiary website and follow the link to the main site www.nmellor.com
This particular chapter is really a supplement to the manual: Mellor and Harvey “Helping parents deal with attention seeking behaviour” which is available on www.lulu.com
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(1) THERAPEUTIC LETTERS
See examples in the attachment "therapeutic letters" at the very end of this whole web page. Unfortunately I can't seem to make the attachments stay in any sensible order on this website, so hunt around till you find the ones you want.
Children who need attention are usually very rewarding to talk to in the 1:1 setting. They generally love the individual attention and can be very responsive to interviews. Although the main way to bring about change has to be through work with the parents (and perhaps to a lesser extent with the teacher), because of the interactional nature of attention seeking, it is possible, for example, to take a leaf out of the “Brief Therapy” book and look for changes in any area, to move the situation on. Thus, the children themselves can be part of this process. It may be useful to experiment with “therapeutic letters” (White and Epston 1990).
These are opportunities to feed back positive comments to the child in a very public way. They need to be handled very carefully, however. Many of the examples given in the published literature do not look like the sort of letters I would want to write to a child. However, the examples given at the end of this chapter, seem to have gone down well.
On one occasion I was writing a very positive letter home to a child who was very responsive in our discussions and reported things were much better in school. Luckily I checked with the head of year and found that the situation was rather different from his point of view, so I changed the letter a little. There could be a credibility problem here if we send out a glowing letter which is not in agreement with the way the child has been seen in school that week.
In most cases, simply chatting to the child for a few minutes at the start of the interview should be enough to generate ten positive comments to put in a therapeutic letter. If there are difficulties, however, in finding enough positive comments to make, the “strengths checklist” (attachment at the very end of this web page) may be of some use. This gets away from the usual “problem centred” checklist we sometimes ask children to fill in, and tries to emphasise the positives. There are actually some excellent "strengths cards" published which do the same job. Also, perhaps someone would like to improve and update the attached list and send it back to me.
David Nichols in Yr 9 (a lad with moderate learning difficulties) was pleased to talk about what kept his Mum and teacher happy. He said with Mum it was “letting her watch T.V......she likes to watch Star Trek, she likes to fall asleep watching T.V.” He also agreed doing little jobs like running to the shops, washing the car, washing the windows, tidying up, drying dishes, putting clothes away, would cheer her up. At our next interview he said that he had been helping her and “I feel better than I did”. He said he started helping his Mum but at first thought she would think “He’s not normally like that, he wants something out of me”. David, however, said to himself “Go on David, just help your Mam”. He was very keen to have a letter sent home emphasising his positive qualities.
White M & Epston D (1990) Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends. New York: Norton
(2) AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR
In some cases the children may be involved in aggressive behaviour, losing their temper etc. It is sometimes useful, rather than recording when problems occurred, to record times when these were dealt with successfully. A “staying cool” list can be a useful form of recording, and can form a focus of positive comments at later interviews. See the attachment "Staying Cool" right at the very end of this web page. This is adapted from Goldstein and Keller (1987) see “Hassle log” p.48. I have made it into a positive document - to encourage the recording of sucessess!
Goldstein, A P and Keller H R (1987) Aggressive Behaviour. Oxford: Pergammon
(3) CHIDREN'S COMMENTS ON ATTENTION SEEKING
The children sometimes make spontaneous comments about their attention seeking behaviour from their point of view. For instance Karen, discussing herself and her younger siblings in her step-family said “I get the most money, Luke and Andy get the most attention. Mum is always helping them. Andy is his (stepfather’s) son, he gets more attention than me” (Mellor 2008 p.12).
The children will often give fuller comments after prompts. The stories in the attachment called "stories" (right at the very end of this web page) which illustrate attention seeking scenarios, can be very useful triggers. Debbie, for instance, commenting on Anne’s story said, “She might have wanted attention, people to pet her up and everything - because people at home were not looking after her, and there was a new baby.” (Mellor 2008 p.12). The four stories listed are in two versions (depending on wheteher or not there has recently been a younger sibling at home - a very common trigger for attention seeking). Each version is also written for a boy or a girl.
Looking in more detail, another pupil, Donna, commented on the story about Anne and baby Paul:
Q1. What do you think about this? “She likes getting naughty”.
Q2. Can you understand why Anne was naughty? “Paul gets all the attention” (Prompt: Explain a little more) “If Anne’s naughty she gets all the attention”.
Q3. Do you think Anne was really happy being naughty? “She wasn’t, just a little bit”
Q4. What did Anne really want? Answer missing
Q5. Why do you think mum and dad found it hard to give Anne lots of their time? “Because the baby kept on crying, they had to give Paul all his toys, get his food and things.”
Q6. Can you see a way Anne could get out of this problem? “Mum could look after the baby and father could look after her so they had one each. They would be getting half the attention.”
Q7. Can you see how she could get mum and dad to take notice of her in a nice way? “She could be really good and play outside and not give mum and dad lots of bothering and stuff.
(Prompt: Anything else?) “She could look after baby Paul and get his toys”
(Prompt: Anything else?) “She could tidy up her room and if baby Paul’s nose is running she could get a tissue … if dad and Anne could stay in the house and look after baby Paul, mum could get away from all the crying”
I went on to ask her if she was a bit like Anne, she smiled and said yes. I asked her how she felt when her mum and dad spent time with her sister she said “I feel it’s quite unfair ’cos she gets all the attention”.
Donna was a bright 8 year old. She wants to be a teacher when she grows up
Often attention seeking children (and of course other children) feel that they are “bad” because of the misbehaviours they have been involved in. They find it difficult to separate the behaviour from the person. The “Dog Story” attachment at the very end of this web page was written to help one boy in Year 2, who was extremely attention seeking. He had been accommodated with foster parents and then taken into a children’s home when the foster family had broken down. The story was designed to help him come to terms with his own negative self-image.
(5) PEER RELATIONSHIPS
Many children who are very attention seeking have poor relationships with their peers, although they may relate well to children much older or much younger who are not in direct competition. Lucy regularly complained that children were picking on her. We talked about ways to ignore them, although she agreed “I can’t ignore them for long enough” (Mellor 2008 p.82). The “Amazing Name-calling Game” parts 1 and 2, illustrated in the two attachments called "amazing" at the very end of this web page, is an attempt to emphasise the difficulties which children are likely to meet when they try ignoring.
The main teaching point here is in part 2, where the calendar indicates that the ignoring works, but only over a period of several months. (Please note my IT skills are very limited - these files do not seem to behave themselves very well if you try to print them off directly - one solution is to create a new WORD document then copy and save them into that file to print from)
(6) SELF RECORDING
Many high school report systems tend to focus on eliminating negative behaviours. A great deal of teacher and head of year time is taken up in administering these reports. For the child who needs attention, a system of self-reporting, which focuses on positive behaviours can be more productive. It can act as an organised way of giving attention in a positive manner on a regular basis.
The child is asked to record how he or she thinks the lessons have gone, using a simple, visual record. In order to make this very different to the normal “on report” it may be an idea to use paper of a different colour (gold or yellow is nice!)
The way to record is as follows: If the child feels that the whole lesson was “good”, that particular square is coloured in with solid shading. If the lesson has been a bit “patchy” it is coloured in cross-hatched. If, say, the first half was good and then deteriorated, the first half is coloured in solid, the second half cross-hatched (see example in the attachment "self recording" at the very end of this web page).
As the self-report is built up a clear pictorial record is made. Basically the more colouring-in, the better! The child then uses this self-report as a focus for his or her discussions with the head of year at the end of the day or the end of the week. This approach can be helpful for able, secondary age children who are reasonably well organised. It is also good for “weaning” children off school’s “normal” report form. Heads of year have noted that they like this more positive focus, with the pupil taking the initiative.
(Please note my IT skills are very limited - this file does not seem to behave itself very well if you try to print it off directly - one solution is to create a new WORD document then copy and save it into that file to print from)
(7) CHILD INTERVIEW QUESTIONS
Although not designed specifically to address the pupil’s behaviour directly (they are for feedback to parents) these questions link in well with the parent interview which is covered in the main manual (Mellor and Harvey 2009 – not yet published). The responses to these questions can, with great care, and respect for the pupils and their relationships with parents, help to move on those parents who (a) see no problems (b) are not providing adequate positive attention (c) feel guilty over using effective sanctions, and need some extra encouragement to change.
Feedback to parents of their own children’s view of them, can, if handled very sensitively, help to bring about a shift in parents’ views and behaviour.
As I am a bit concerned about potential mis-use, these questions are only available to bona-fide psychologists. Please email me from a local authority or health authority or academic address with evidence of professional status e.g. copy and paste your listing in the directory of chartered psychologists or indicate that you have an AEP reference number e.g. by quoting it in part (for your own security I don't want your fulll number) or send something of similar status to mellor.nigel@googlemail.com
(8) ADDITIONAL REWARDS
(see attachment at the very end of this web page - taken from "The good the bad and the irriating" Mellor 2000).
Children will usually choose a number of these. This is helpful for parents who lack ideas of how to reward (see Mellor 2000 and 2008 for comments on praise and the potential pitfalls around adults being positive).
(9) A GOOD ICE BREAKER is Barnardo’s “All About Me Game”. You may want to restict your use of some of the cards.
(10) JUNK SCULPT
For older, able children I sometimes use a “junk sculpt”. This is basically a collection of “junk” (originally mainly grubbed up from my desk drawer) – pencil, paper clip, treasury tag, battery, eraser, button, coin, small flag, small ball, small stapler, shoe lace, key, scissors, membership card etc. all kept in a padded envelope. Children assign one to each member of the family and arrange them in some way to show family relationships.
One troublesome, not very forthcoming teenager, who school had “written off”, assigned his father the eraser and said “ He’s worn down at the edges. He works night and day, he’s worn out. They work him like a dog”. Comments are not always so illuminating of the children’s feelings, but this technique can provide another “way in” to open up discussions.
(11) FEEDBACK OF CHILDREN'S POSITIVE FEELINGS TO PARENTS
Children may not always readily display their feelings at home. For example, following intervention, Naomi age 13 described how she was feeling very happy with her situation. However, when asked if she had actually said how she felt at home, she said that she would be too embarrassed. Naomi indicated that instead, she would show how she felt by doing things round the house, giving cuddles and saying “thank you”. We were able to feed these comments back to the family in a positive letter, to help maintain the positive approach.
(12) COGNITIVE BEAHVIOUR THERAPY
An excellent resource here, aimed at children, is "Think Good- Fell Good" by P.Stallard (Wiley 2002). Chapter 13 p.167 gives a good example of Tommy feeling ignored by his friends and the steps he could take to address this. This could readily be adapted for children seeking extra attention in class i.e. "feeling ignored" by their teachers.
(13) SOCIAL STORIES
Social stories have many definitions. The one I like best is “the purpose of a social story is to provide accurate information about situations that a child may find difficult or confusing”.
Please read the example below and construct your own social story for a pupil displaying very attention seeking behaviour in your school. Please email me a copy! An attachment below ("social story pictures") illustrates the kind of visual summary which could be used.
Example of using a social story (from a special support assistant)
Lenny was an 8 year old boy who had a statement for behaviour, emotional and social difficulties. He was supported each morning in class for three hours. We had worked for some time on his attention seeking behaviour in class. Lenny was also having difficulties during lunchtimes and playtimes, with complaints of aggression towards other children, non-conformity and inappropriate eating habits.
It was felt that Lenny might benefit from the use of a social story, along with a portable set of pictures to reinforce the story (see later). These cartoons were laminated and attached to a key ring for Lenny to wear on his trouser belt and keep in his pocket for reference. Lines of the story were illustrated by these cartoons, some with a short piece of text to clarify the picture. The lunchtime supervisors were given blank certificates of good behaviour, these were to be awarded to Lenny as appropriate, and would count as points towards his already established ‘golden time’.
This strategy was introduced to Lenny and had an immediate impact upon his behaviour at lunchtime. The use of knife and fork improved quickly and Lenny received a certificate daily for eight weeks. Lenny stated after two weeks that he no longer needed the cards or story. We then read the story intermittently. There was also a marked improvement at other playtimes.
Things deteriorated badly after this, however. There were temporary changes at home which we felt impacted upon his behaviour at school. This took us to the beginning of the summer holiday.
On returning to school in September, Lenny had a bad first week. The social story was reintroduced and Lenny received a certificate of good behaviour on 13 out of 19 possible days. Lenny only needed to read the story and carry the cards for four days before feeling they were no longer needed.
We will continue to read the story with Lenny once a week, as we feel that this reinforcement helps to maintain the desired behaviour.
Lenny’s social story
Lunchtimes
At lunchtime, the children go to the toilet then play out until they are called in for lunch.
An adult tells them where to sit with their lunch. They stay sitting in their seat and eat their lunch using their knives and forks.
When they are finished they take their trays to the table then go out to play.
Sometimes when I play, I am too rough with my friends. Sometimes they are too rough with me.
I will try no to be too rough or hug anyone too tightly, especially around the neck. I will try not to touch or sit on them because they get upset and cross.
If someone is too rough with me I will try not to be rough back. Instead I will tell an adult on duty.
If I do this, my teachers and dinner ladies will be pleased with me.
I will get my lunchtime certificate for good behaviour.
For more on social stories see :
Gray, C. (Ed) (2000) New Social Story Book: Illustrated edition. Arlington,TX: Future Horizons
Ling, J. (2006) I Can’t Do That. My Social Stories. London, Lucky Duck Publishing.
Toplis, R. and Hadwin, J. (2006) Using social stories to change problematic lunchtime behaviour in school, Educational Psychology in Practice, 22 (1), 53- 67.
Finding relevant symbols or cartoons is the most time consuming part of the job; ask a colleague for help. Depending on what is already stored on your computer search for CLIPART there, or search via Google.
Dixon, J. (2006) ISPEEK at School. London: Jessica Kingsley, looks a promising CD-ROM of symbols designed for school situations. A number of children may benefit.
If you are totally lacking in computer skills or short of time, replace the cartoons with one or two words in large print.
(14) SUGGESTIONS FOR TEACHERS WORKING WITH GROUPS OF CHILDREN WHO ALL DEMAND ATTENTION
• Seek group rewards they actually value
• Let them compete for reinforcements
• Positive charts each lesson with e.g. "Shrek" pens as instant reward
• Raffle tickets for group rewards later
• If possible, negotiate the curriculum
• !!! View them as emotionally younger!!!
• Short tasks
• Emphasise a positive group identity
• Emphasize positives for “ripple effect”
• Clear rules - use to pick out positives!
• Use "Talking stick”
• Break into smaller groups
• Silly video at end of lesson
• Simply refer to classroom rules
• Focus on “top dog”
• Role play (primary level)
(15) OTHER STRATEGIES TO USE IN CLASS / IN SCHOOL
(A) A collection of ideas which cover various ages – adapt them as necessary for the age group you are considering
• Distraction
• Praise other children
• Talk about reasons for misbehaviour (later in the day!)
• Teacher takes “time out” herself (use a special sign)
• Team teachers take turns to concentrate on this pupil, in order to stay fresh!
• Humour
• Special pen/whiteboard/rubber
• Talk to pupil about “good ways to get teacher to notice me”
• Teach: learning to share: materials, friends, teacher
• Use timers to “ration” your time given to the pupil
• Pre-empt problems by giving pupil jobs to do
• Change the timetable for the day (depends on age and school arrangements)
• “Traffic lights” warning system
• Child fills in “thinking sheet” (when sitting on “thinking chair”)
• Use “The Detention Papers” from <www.behaviouruk.co.uk>
• “Identity Book” – a kind of scrap book: my family and friends, my home, my school, likes and dislikes, bits and bobs. Book includes photos, writing, pictures, fact sheets, surveys, computer work etc. (from “Special” Spring 2005 p.47 used with year 5 pupil).
• “Playground Detectives” – group sessions on e.g. taking turns, positive aspects of playtime, co-operative games and co-operation skills etc. (From Riverside Primary school)
(B) It may be useful to examine classroom/lunchtime management generally, for example :
• Bill Rogers books e.g.“Cracking the Hard Class” and his videos from “Quartus” P.O. Box 2095, Reading, Berkshire, RG7 4FU tel: 0118 9712446.
• See Mellor (2008) “Attention Seeking” regarding “lesson flow”
• Look up the vast range of excellent training videos for teachers from “Teaching with Bayley” (on Teacher’s T.V)
Behaviour Management Training for Lunchtime Staff (video) Macclesfield: Leapwade International Training . Visit <www.Leapwade.co.uk>