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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
We all know why 6 was scared of 7, because 7, 8, 9 but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de brie.
I caught a centipede. 99 more and I will have a dollarpede.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
I'm a big fan of white boards. I find them quite re-markable.
The invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries and Eminem. I call it my Trail Mix.
What do you get went you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
Which way did the programmer go?
She went data way.
Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.
You're living, you occupy space, and have mass, what does that mean?
You matter.
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
Archaeology really is a career in ruins.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call a dog magician?
A Labracadabrador.
Why don't cats play cards?
Too many cheetahs.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?
Take away its tiny brooms.
1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
2: Why?
1: To get to your house.
Knock, knock.
2: Who's there?
1: The chicken.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but soon I realized that toucan play that game.
Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?
Ireland because everyday it Dublin.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks "What is your favorite kind of music?" The other says "I'm a big metal fan."
I’d tell you a Fibonacci joke, but’s it’s probably as bad as the last two you’ve heard combined.
Two gold fish are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
My ceiling isn't the best... but it's up there.
To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!
Did you hear the score of the game between the ocean and the beach?
It's tide.
Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers? He'd stop at nothing to avoid them.
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