Obama names new "Sensitivity Czar"

In response to recent criticisms over certain jokes perceived as offensive, President Obama today announced the formation of a Ministry of Humor to be led by a new “Sensitivity Czar”—veteran comedian and Las Vegas entertainer Don Rickles.  On November 8th, in his first press conference as President-Elect, Obama referred to Nancy Reagan “as a superstitious, wrinkly, skull-faced c*nt” and last week on the Tonight Show compared his own bowling skills to that of “bib-wearing drooling retards in the Special Olympics, with their flailing limbs everywhere and incessant incomprehensible shrieking.”  These remarks understandably rankled representatives of superstitious old hags, droolers, and semi-retards such as Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, who also happens to be the mother and grandmother of retards.  In both cases Obama went out of his way to issue sincere apologies to random strangers by phone.  Czar Rickles spoke on the President’s behalf: “We want to make sure that it is clear that the President loves America and its diverse citizenry, whether nip, kike, queer, mick, gook, or wetback, whether they lack chromosomes or have extra.  The scary old, the stupidly poor, or just normal middle class nobodies like this fat fella with the ugly wife over here, all can feel confident in their executive-in-chief.  He’s a nice guy, for a half-spade pineapple-eating Muslim.”  Asked by a reporter to explain the "pineapple-eating" reference, Rickles elaborated, "You know, he's from Hawaii, you dumb jerk.  They eat spam and pineapples and play ukulele and wear grass skirts and bang chicks with coconut bras.  Jesus Christ, where do we get these people?  Let me guess, you majored in journalism because all you had to write on the form was a 'J.'  Or did you fall off the stupid truck in front of the Star Ledger?  Angie Dickinson wants her brain back, moron."