Chapter 5-1

Angie

I’ve tried over the years since the attack to be a better person. To give my inner being selflessly over to the welfare of my family. To push my ego aside and to strive for everyone’s survival. Except for Jake. Jake hadn’t survived and that’s what terrified me.

NOW, RIGHT NOW!

My head began to spin. I felt my body convulse. My world violently tilted. Everything swirled around me. I reached hastily back for the dead tree but I’d taken too many steps away. My hand only groped at thin air.

I heard Stevron say my name. His voice was but a mere thread of sound. I sensed him take a step toward me.

The increasing pain from the effort of me rebuilding the mental barrier in my head had my stomach revolting once more. I rolled the bushberry around in my mouth. I tried to stop the- I lurched forward and dropped to my knees.

I cried out as I hit the ground and curled myself into a tight ball. Tucking my head closely to my chest as I pressed my hands hard against my ears.

I should have been stronger, should have tried harder. The panic attacks always weakened me. Made me more susceptible to the invasions. I hated myself. Hated the fact that I couldn’t fend off the inevitable.

My barriers fell and the portal opened.

I leaned forward until my head found the hard packed ground. A rock dug into my forehead. I pressed my elbows tightly against my sides and rocked myself as I whispered feebly. “Jake, you promised. You promised me.”

I felt Stevron’s hands, strong and yet gentle grip my shoulders.

I wanted to pull away. Scream at him not to touch me, but I had no strength. Had no will and besides, I desperately needed the comfort he offered.

Stevron was keeping me grounded. Keeping me here in reality and preventing me from stepping through the portal to the Far Beyond.

I didn’t want to go, no matter how briefly. I was too weak, too drained to be capable of finding my way back anytime soon.

I ripped my hand away from my ear and reached out. Stevron was crouched beside me. My hand collided with his knee. I felt the thick muscles in his thigh bunch as I moved my hand upward. I closed my fingers around his thigh and squeezed hard.

Stevron was real and solid beneath my grip. I swallowed, then nodded to myself. My other hand moved from the side of my head and across my chest to grab the hand that was holding my shoulder.

Stevron laced his fingers through mine and whispered. “Bite the bushberry.”

His words and touch gave me strength. I rolled the bushberry between my back teeth and bit down as hard as I could. The distinct bitter taste of the bushberry’s sludgy core as I crunched the centre had me sucking in a breath and shivering violently. I forced the core to the back of my throat and swallowed.

The portal instantly vanished. The pain dissipated and up went my barriers.

I removed my hand from Stevron’s thigh and put it on my own leg. I took another couple of breaths and lifted my head off the ground. A rush of air expelled from my body in the form of a huge yawn. I reached up and brushed the rock from my forehead. I felt the stickiness of my own blood.

I shrugged and Stevron released me. He sat down on the ground not a foot from me.

The evening had turned into night. I listened. There were no sounds coming from our camp. I sucked in a few more breaths.

That had been close. Too close, and I knew if Stevron hadn’t been with me it may have taken me days to get back. Too long a time to be away, especially when Jam and Em needed me.

I shoved myself into a kneeling position and then up onto my feet. I had no dizziness. My stomach and head were back to normal and I felt strong again.

I brushed the blood from my fingers onto the leg of my already bloodstained pants. Then I turned. Time to get back to camp. Time to take care of my family.

“This happen often?”

Stevron’s rough voice rippled through me. He was still sitting on the ground.

I took a breath. “I get panic attacks,” I said, without turning to look back at him. “So, what?”

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

I stiffened my spine. A sense of anger tore at my gut. Damn Stevron. I should have known he’d take advantage of my-

“How many times?”

I turned to Stevron. He had pulled his long legs up against his chest and he was resting his forearms on his knees. There was very little light from the shrouded moon. With my ever dwindling eyesight I couldn’t make much of him out except for his large silhouette.

My anger grew. “Piss off.”

Stevron didn’t react. As far as I could tell he didn’t even blink. “How many times, Angie?” he repeated. “How many times have you allowed Jake to pull you over the threshold?”

Panic overrode my anger. How did he know? Had he seen me crossover at some point and not told me? Or had I failed to project the façade of normalcy while I’d been gone?

Either way I hadn’t realized that Stevron had been charting me so closely. This was bad, more than bad.

I swallowed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I saw Stevron shake his head. He got to his feet. “Angie, the fear and panic I see in your eyes is too real.”

I turned my head. I couldn’t deal with this. I couldn’t allow him to see anything more. I felt exposed, raw. I was running back to camp before I knew what I was doing.

©Legend of the Sapphyre Wings by Janet Merritt