Weddings

Like the famous Sephardi wedding illustrated by Bernard Picart (left, in a rather garishly coloured copy), S&P weddings traditionally take place indoors. However, since modern private homes are not usually as spacious as the one illustrated, it has become traditional for the ceremony to take place in the synagogue, although other venues are also used.

The London S&P wedding service is traditionally accompanied at its various stages by a small selection of choral renditions chosen by the couple.

Fasting (two opinions)

In some communities the couple fast on the day of their wedding, in recognition of the tradition that they are forgiven their past wrongdoings on this day - as on Kippur. This custom is of Ashkenazi origin, though it was adopted by Sephardim in Amsterdam and elsewhere. In other places the attitude is that this is a festive day and fasting is not appropriate, and this is generally the custom in London. However, since both opinions are valid, it is largely a personal decision that should be made taking into account what will enable one to make the most of the day spiritually and practically.

If the the wedding is on Rosh Hodesh or Hanukah fasting is in any case not allowed.

Venue

Sephardi weddings are traditionally held indoors (as above) while the Ashkenazi custom is to hold them out of doors. Where possible they are usually held in a synagogue.

Prayer service

The service is usually preceded by either the Afternoon or Evening Service, as appropriate.

Ketuba

The marriage contract, listing the groom's obligations to the bride, is read to the groom in a side room in the presence of the bride's father and two witnesses, so that he understands the obligations involved.

The customary S&P version of the ketuba is shorter than most other versions.

The groom formally accepts the conditions. The witnesses then sign the ketuba (following their signatures with the Hebrew word עד), and after them the groom does so, followed by the word "Novio" (bridegroom in Spanish), "Noivo" (Portuguese), or חתן (Hebrew).

"Bedecken" (NOT)

The well known Ashkenazi custom of the groom checking that the bride "hidden beneath the veil" is indeed his chosen bride, and not someone else - in remembrance of the deception carried out on our forefather Jacob - is not part of traditional practice in any Sephardi community including the S&P.

Huppah

The groom (usually wearing a tallet, though see the "Tallet" section below) and his parents enter the synagogue and process to the wedding canopy (huppah), which is located either on the tebah or in front of the ark, often beautifully decorated with flowers.

♫ The Sheva Berakhot (YouTube) [JC]

Entrance of the bride

The bride enters to the singing of Baruch Haba accompanied by her parents. If she enters on her father's arm, her mother will follow with a son or other male relative; alternatively her parents may accompany her on either side.

It is traditional for a young boy to walk in front of the bride backwards holding a lighted candelabra, intended to cast a flattering glow on her face.

She stands at the groom's right-hand side, based on time honoured Jewish tradition.

Seven circuits (NOT)

The Ashkenazi custom of the bride circling the groom seven times is not observed by the S&P, indeed many consider it inappropriate as this is customarily done for a deceased man at his funeral. It is related to other Ashkenazi customs that remind the groom of his mortality (such as the wearing of a white "kittel" reminiscent of shrouds, and the smearing of ashes on the groom's forehead), none of which are practiced by the S&P.

Betrothal

The betrothal ("Erusin") consists of two blessings sung over wine by the rabbi, and preceded by the words "Besiman tov, savri maranan". Following this both the bride and groom drink from the cup.

At this stage the ketubah - or highlights of it - are read in the presence of the bride (possibly in English translation), and the rabbi may deliver a short address to the couple (Keter Shem Tov). However nowadays these are usually delayed until after the ring is given.

Ring

The groom then places the ring on the finger of the bride, in sight of the two witnesses, and says the customary formula ("Harey at mekudeshet le, betaba'at zo, keda'at Moshe Veyisrael").

Address

At this point a precis of the ketubah may be read to the bride, and there is often an address by the rabbi to the couple.

Tallet (well perhaps)

Some have the custom that at this point the groom wears a new tallet, pronouncing the blessing "Shehecheyanu" ("Who has brought us to this season"), intending to include his marriage in the blessing. The tallet is then held over the couple, by four people under the huppah, for the duration of the Seven blessings. This is observed in a number of communities both Sephardi and Ashkenazi, but is not an original S&P custom.

Sheva Berachot

The seven blessings are sung by the rabbi (or occasionally others) over a second glass of wine in the beautiful S&P melody, preceded by the words "Besiman tov, savri maranan". The wording of the seventh blessing recited in London is significantly different from the version used in Amsterdam and elsewhere. The couple then drink the wine.

The breaking of a glass

A glass wrapped in a napkin is placed on the floor and the groom steps on it and smashes it, after saying the traditional words "If I forget thee O Jerusalem...".

As can clearly be seen from the illustration above, a plate was used for this purpose at one time, and was not wrapped in advance, but this has evolved into something less messy. Among the Ashkenazim a plate is often broken at an earlier ceremony - the "Wort" (engagement party) - something not practiced by Sephardim at all, and the cup is broken earlier in the ceremony - after the Betrothal and before the Sheva Berachot (in fact according to Rema it was the actual cup used for the Betrothal that was broken).

Priestly blessing

It has become customary for the couple to proceed to the ark, which has been opened in readiness (by an honoured guest), for a few moments of contemplation. Here they are blessed with the priestly blessing by the rabbi or a Cohen.

Signing the civil register

The bride and groom return to the tebah to sign the civil register.

Exeunt

The service traditionally ends with the singing of Psalm 150.

"Heder Yihud" (NOT)

The Ashkenazi custom that the bride and groom retire to a private room to signify their new status as husband and wife, was never traditionally observed in any Sephardi communities, but has become increasingly observed in modern times as a general part of the KUWTA (Keeping up with the Joneses Ashkenazim) trend. This despite the fact that Sephardi opponents of this custom consider it immodest and inappropriate. 

A week of celebration

At the subsequent wedding breakfast, and traditionally for the entire week following the wedding - celebration meals are arranged in the company of a minyan (at least) after each of which the Sheva Berachot are sung. This custom predates the concept of a honeymoon, and emphasizes the couple taking their place as a new unit in their families and the community.