Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

When is the wedding?

Friday, July 2, 2010. Although there will not be a formal sitdown dinner, simple food will be available from 5:00 p.m. onward. From 6 to 7, there will be singing from The Sacred Harp. At 7:00 or so, we will have the wedding ceremony. From 8 to 10, there will be a contra dance.

Where is the wedding?

St. Anne's Episcopal Church in Sunfish Lake.

How do I get there?

Check out this page.

Is the service going to be all churchy?

Yes and no.

We are members of St. Mary's Episcopal Church in St. Paul, and our rector, the Rev. LeeAnne Watkins, will preside. The service will largely follow the wedding service in the Book of Common Prayer that Episcopalians use.

That said, marriage is an unusual sacrament in that the church has always recognized that it is the act of the couple that is married, not an act of the church. We know that our friends range from regular churchgoers to somewhat militant atheists. Unless you find the very idea of religion distasteful, we think that you will appreciate the service, and we look forward to your participation. If that’s too difficult to contemplate, though, we still welcome your presence at other times in the evening.

Why isn't the wedding at St. Mary's (and closer to home!)?

We love St. Mary's, but the space there doesn't really lend itself to shaped note singing or contra dancing. LeeAnne (our rector) suggested that we look at St. Anne's. We found the space and the people to be friendly, and it really doesn't take long to get there, even though Jim still thinks that it feels like the end of the earth.

What part of the evening should I attend?

We would like everyone who is able to attend the service at 7. Come early for singing, food and conversation, and stay later for dancing, food and conversation, all as you’re able and interested. We expect guests to be coming and going throughout the evening.

What do you mean by “simple food”?

Cheese. Bread. Pulled pork sandwiches (a/k/a “barbecue”). Some kind of vegetables or salads. Cupcakes.

Should I bring food?

We’ll feed you.

We won’t discourage you from bringing food if you have the time and inclination to make something, particularly finger food or desserts, but we’re not planning this as a potluck, so don’t feel any need to bring food.

Also, if you have particular dietary needs, you’ll probably want to bring some food.

Will there be something for my kids to eat?

Yes. We’re not sure what, but we’re leaning towards hot dogs.

What’s this “singing from The Sacred Harp"?

That’s tough to explain in a short space. You might want to look at www.fasola.org for an introduction.

If you still want a short introduction without following the link: It’s a style and tradition of religious singing that dates back to colonial New England, has been maintained as a living tradition in the rural South up to the present day, and is now sung by singers throughout the country at all-day (and shorter) singings. The singing is a capella (without instruments), loud, and – this is important – primarily for participants. There is no performance; we just sing. You’re certainly welcome to come and listen during the hour of singing, but we’ll be even happier if you add your voice to the singing. Don’t worry too much about singing the wrong note; there will be plenty of folks there who will carry you along, and your voice will add to the texture of the whole fabric.

Oh, and Denise and Jim met while singing Sacred Harp.

OK, I already know about Sacred Harp singing. Should I bring my Denson book, my Cooper book, or something else?

Denson. We love the Cooper book and lots of other singing, but we’ll try to stick to Denson for purposes of the hour before the service. (Those of you who have never sung Sacred Harp should just ignore this paragraph.)

What’s contra dancing?

It’s a form of social dance that is popular among folk music types. Jim’s two-second intro is that it is to New England as square dancing is to the South.

We won’t have a formal teaching session for contra dancing at the wedding, but we’ll start out with some on-the-fly instructions and easy dances before progressing to other dancing.

Does this mean that we won’t be dancing the hokey-pokey, or having the other usual wedding dances?

Correct.

Should I bring a present?

Probably not. A few of you (you know who you are) have just the right thing in mind, and we’d be delighted to receive that. But we’re (ahem) middle-aged adults who have most of what we need, and then some.

What we really want is your presence, not gifts. We don’t have a registry, or even a secret list of things that we hope to receive. If you really want to give something and don’t have something that you bought two years ago in anticipation of this day, we will be honored if you make a donation to the charity of your choice. We have listed some of our favorite charities here.

What should I wear?

There's no dress code for the wedding. Dress nicely but comfortably. If you're planning to dance, you should know that the fellowship hall looks well ventilated, but it is not air conditioned, so you may even want a change of clothes.

The groom is likely to be in a sportcoat and tie, but not a suit (and certainly not a tux). The bride and various daughters are likely to wear dresses or nice skirts, but nothing outrageously fancy (and certainly not any single-use bride's and bridesmaid's dresses).

I received an invitation addressed only to me. Can I bring my spouse/significant other/special guest? My kids?

Yes. Just let us know the number for which we should plan.

Will there be childcare?

Yes, if we know there's a demand for it. Let us know that you're coming with small children (or even just one!), and we'll arrange for childcare.

Can I bring my dog/cat/parakeet/ferret/other pet?

No.

I'm a Morris dancer. Should I bring my bells?

Yes.

I'm a lawyer. What should I bring?

Only the recollection that (in the words of one of our colleagues) you should never underestimate the weirdness of your partners.

Is it true that you won't be exchanging rings?

That's likely to be the case. While we like the symbolism of rings, to say nothing of their utility in the crowded bars that we frequent only with Morris dancing bodyguards, we both find them uncomfortable to wear. We twirl them, slip them on and off to make sure that they're not stuck, and just generally spend too much energy on them.

Puritans didn't believe in wedding rings, so perhaps we're just reviving an old custom.

What do those symbols at the top of the page mean?

They're shaped notes. See the earlier question on shaped notes.

Do those shaped notes form a tune?

Perhaps, but they were intended to be fairly random, with a slight emphasis on "la." (Don't worry if this means nothing to you.)

This FAQ is starting to feel awfully tedious. Will the wedding be just as dull?

We hope not.