XX-Letter to the editor

Letter to Austin Chronicle

Sept. 27, 2001

Jerry Falwell, et al, has found me out. As a liberal and pro-choice supporter, I must obviously be responsible for the carnage of 9/11/01. However, unlike conservatives, we liberals always feel contrite after acting naughty. I therefore have decided to do my part for the war effort and will give up a fellow traveler.

As George W. wants to eliminate those who harbor and support terrorists, I will reveal one of the culprits. It won't be much of a victory, as he's quite old and has Alzheimer's, but in his prime he supported terrorists who killed and maimed men, women and children indiscriminately. The terrorists of Central America owe a debt to Ronald Reagan who currently lives in California. I suggest the FBI go in with guns blazing as if they were attacking some environmental group.

I also want to do my part for the War on Drugs so I'd like to report on a nebulous group that supported drug lords in order to arm the aforementioned terrorists. The group hangs out in Virginia and again I suggest the FBI go in with guns blazing when they take out those CIA fundamentalists.

This may also be a good time to give the redneck Bubbas a pat on the back for their American sense of fair play. I mean, have you noticed that they are treating American Muslims the same as they treated right-wing conservative Christians after the Oklahoma bombing? Oops, my mistake.