Holiday Stress Management For Families in Recovery

Thriving Through the Holidays: Navigating Substance Use Disorder Recovery, Healing, and Connections

By Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.

Transforming Holiday Stress: A Proactive Guide

By Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.

Every year, you tell yourself you'll start earlier so you won't be stressed by Christmas.  Few people take their own vow seriously enough to do anything different.  Yet, a few meaningful steps can reduce stress and distress during the holidays.  

You can start now to gain insight into your attitudes and behavior to prevent most of the stress you experience around the holidays.  

A part of substance use recovery is preventing relapse.  More fully enjoying the holidays involves preventing a pileup of unnecessary stressors.    

Neglecting to address preventable stress becomes a source of stress itself.  As we view our resources as insufficient to cope with increasing demands and question our capability to meet the challenge, stress, and anxiety intensify.

Everyday stressors persist amidst the holiday chaos, and we simultaneously hold two conflicting belief systems.  There's an unbelievable perception of "holiday magic"- special endowments of energy, kindness, patience, and financial abundance.  On the other hand, we experience a sense of dread about increased demands without additional resources, feeling "behind" and ill-prepared.

This year can indeed be different with a proactive approach.  Begin by creating a "Holidays list," detailing every customary task, from contacting relatives to festive decorations.  Keep an ongoing list of your activities through New Year's Day.  You will likely be repeating the same tasks next year.  You'll have a more accurate projection of time, energy, and financial expenses.  Assess your monthly budget, ensuring all year-end costs are covered.  Determine a realistic holiday spending limit, considering gifts, entertainment, travel, and other expenditures.

Talk with the people with whom you spend your assets (time, energy, and money) and identify any desired changes for holiday routines.  An example might be the family tradition of buying presents for all the aunts, uncles, and their children when the kids are young, but as they grow into their teens or older, a "Dirty Santa" gift might be a reasonable change.  Having food catered for the family meal could be an appropriate substitute for the hours of shopping, cooking, and baking.  

Small changes in how you think and approach the logistics of holiday tasks can transform the holidays from a dreaded "event" to a joyous occasion.  

Self-Care Checklist for Holiday Stress Management

By Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.

Supporting Children of Divorce Through Holiday Transitions

By Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.

Children of divorce experience the holidays with a backdrop of poignant memories of when their families were whole.  The media buzz, the festive ambiance, and offhand remarks can trigger a sense of loss, prompting these children to mourn the intact family they once knew.

Shuttling between parental homes and navigating the complexities of extended family dynamics create additional challenges for them.  Some may spend the holidays with a lone parent, estranged from the other parent.  Others will find that being in blended families during the holidays is incredibly challenging.  They are adapting to new step-relatives.  The aftermath of divorce can also cast a shadow on economic stability, with children accustomed to affluence confronting lifestyle changes and grieving the loss of financial comfort.

Paradoxically, divorce can impact holiday experiences in divergent ways.  Parents and grandparents, divorced or not, might vie for loyalty through lavish spending.  They may attempt to compensate for the emotional toll of divorce or to alleviate guilt and disconnection.  Grandparents from the non-custodial side, yearning for more time with their grandchildren, might resort to extravagant gestures to win their affection.

Moreover, children can become unwitting spectators to the emotional turbulence between divorcing adults, feeling burdened by the weight of their parents' emotions.  

Introducing a new romantic interest during the holidays adds another layer of stress as children grapple with conflicting emotions while spending time with one parent and their new partner.

Adults play a pivotal role in the amount of stress and strain on children of divorce during the holidays.   Thoughtfulness and inclusive practices, such as inviting all the children to traditional family events and open communication about holiday expectations and feelings, can provide much-needed support.  A non-judgmental listening ear goes a long way when children express anger or sadness.  Grandparents and other relatives should refrain from vilifying either parent.

Establishing structure becomes paramount, as children thrive on routine, especially during heightened stress.  Maintaining regular schedules and routines can empower children to regain control over their lives.  If behavioral issues arise, engaging in a neutral discussion rather than scolding fosters a more constructive dialogue.

For concerned non-parental figures, addressing issues delicately with parents is vital.  Avoiding accusations and assumptions about the source of a child's discomfort fosters a more open and understanding conversation.  Recognizing that all families, not just those affected by divorce, face holiday stressors is essential.

Ultimately, it's crucial to manage expectations and judgments about divorce realistically.  While one cannot dictate how a parent cares for their child, creating a stable, predictable, and safe environment can positively impact the well-being of the children involved.  Compassion and support for each parent can help reduce holiday stress for divorced families.