In a family way

By Mary Alice Garrett

This story originally appeared November 28, 2002 in the News Journal of Wilmington, Delaware.

"Adoption feels fine. There’s nothing different about it."

So spoke 10-year-old Geoffrey Merritt, whose birth parents were teenagers when he was conceived. Geoffrey was adopted as a newborn by Pat and John Merritt, who maintain a relationship with his birth parents. Geoffrey’s attitude reflects the changes in adoption in the last 10 to 15 years. The process is more open, and there’s more public acceptance of adoption.

Birth parents have more control over where the baby will go, says Jeanne Paris, domestic social worker with the private Adoptions From the Heart in Trolley Square. Many select adoptive parents from profiles, photographs and videos.

In some cases, the process is totally open - where all parties participate in the child’s life. This is true of the Merritts, who live in Sedgeley Farms in Greenville.

The other types of adoption are "partially open" adoption — where families know the first names and states in which birth parents reside. The other type is a “closed" adoption where no information is exchanged between birth and adoptive parents.

Geoffrey’s birth parents were honor-roll sophomores bound for college. His father, whom Geoffrey calls Larry is currently pursuing a doctorate in biochemistry and biophysics at the University of Pennsylvania.

"I tell people, I know I made the right choice, but it was also the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make - give your child to someone and then turn and walk away" said Larry. He and Tiffany (Geoffrey’s birth mother) considered raising Geoffrey themselves but because of their young ages decided against it.

“We logically came to the decision that to give him the life he deserved and to give us the chance to go to college, this was the thing to do."

Larry has a good rapport with the Merritts. Last summer; all attended a Blue Rocks game together. In June, Larry gave a chemistry demonstration to Geoffrey’s fourth-grade class at Marbrook Elementary School.

The Merritts later adopted Abigail, 3, on an open—adoption basis. Her birth parents were also teenagers when she was born and participate in her upbringing.

Friends of the Merritts marvel at their generosity in sharing their children. "l tell them, they [the birth parents] are the generous ones," said Pat Merritt.

Not only are birth parents included in Merritt family affairs, but birth grandparents as well. "We think of all of them as just an extension of our family" added Merritt.

Thanksgiving Day will never be the same for Leslie and Doug Leach of Hockessin Glen.

On Thanksgiving two years ago, the childless couple were baking pies when a social worker called with exciting news: A boy had just been born, and his mother elected to place him for adoption.

The Leaches had hoped to adopt for several years and had just gotten inoculations to go to Guatemala to adopt a baby.

"It was like a shot out of the blue," recalled Doug Leach. "We went up and met him, and he was beautiful." Two days later the Leaches brought Kyle home from Christiana Hospital.

"I’m convinced that Kyle was meant to be our child," said Leach. “If you look at my baby picture, and you look at Kyle, you couldn’t tell the difference."

Although the Leaches would have liked an open adoption, Kyle’s mother has so far chosen not to participate. They still submit photos and news of Kyle's progress to Adoptions From the Heart.

Adoptions by singles have risen in the last 10 years. Two such are Deborah Mays of Hyde Park, in Milltown, and Mary Baldwin of New Castle.

Mays adopted son, Evan, 4, from an orphanage in Saigon, Vietnam. "I've always liked the Vietnamese culture. I've always done a lot of reading on Vietnam," said Mays, who lives with her parents, Phoebe and Alfred Mays. The elder Mayses plus brother Mark Mays all help with the parenting.

Evan is an active, outgoing boy. "They may look different, but Evan has Deborah’s personality," said Phoebe Mays. Evan, his mom and uncle are taking language lessons at the Vietnamese Language School in Hockessin. Evan and his mother also take swim lessons.

"I don’t really have any free time," noted Mays. "It’s been the best thing I ever did. I have no regrets."

Mays hopes to adopt a Vietnamese baby girl from the same orphanage next summer.

Baldwin adopted biracial Hannah four years ago. "I chose biracial deliberately because l know that they are children who are hard to place."

Baldwin was in the delivery room when Hannah was born and maintains a relationship with birth mother, Kim, who lives in Lewes. Hannah’s birth father doesn’t have a relationship with her, Kim or Baldwin.

Hannah is a bright, happy child who sometimes challenges her mother with her vocabulary. She’s aware she’s biracial and adopted. Once Hannah tried to color Baldwin’s arm with brown crayon so their skin color would match.

"It’s great," said Baldwin. "It’s been the most rewarding thing for me."

Paris said the more an adopted child knows about his background the better adjusted he is. Keeping adoption a secret is frowned upon today. Many people have discovered they were adopted after reaching adulthood and felt betrayed as a result, Paris noted.