First ladies of Delaware

By Mary Alice Garrett

This story originally appeared November 19, 2009 in The News Journal of Wilmington, Delaware.

The role of first lady of Delaware has advantages and a few disadvantages.

This was the conclusion of the current governor's wife and two former governors' wives who spoke earlier this month at DuPont Country Club in Rockland. The occasion was "Campaigns, Canapes and Chicken Dinners: A Conversation with Delaware First Ladies," a fundraiser sponsored by Fresh Start, a charitable branch of Wilmington Women in Business.

The conversation was with Carla Markell, wife of Gov. Jack Markell; Martha Carper, wife of U.S. Sen. Tom Carper; and Jane Castle, wife of U.S. Rep. Mike Castle.

"What was the biggest surprise about being first lady?" asked moderator Nancy Karibjanian, former anchor for WHYY's "Delaware Tonight" and now an adjunct professor at the University of Delaware.

"The biggest surprise is I'm enjoying it more than I expected. It's really a lot of fun," said Markell. Castle said being first lady of Delaware "is a lot more visible" than being a congressional wife. Carper concurred, adding, "There's more of a defined role being first lady."

Both Markell and Carper said their children prefer their fathers not accompany them on their activities. However, "they do it all the time," noted Carper. "They say it's better without him."

Castle said "there are challenges" to having her husband shop with her in a supermarket. "I tell Mike 'Stay in the car.' "

Carper recalled her husband coming to a birthing class in a tuxedo and bringing a briefcase into the delivery room.

The women were asked how they maintain their own identities. "I refer to the first lady as not really me and in the third person," said Markell. Castle said maintaining separate identities is a priority for her and her husband.

Do their spouses ask them for advice? Markell said although they discuss issues, her husband usually goes fast asleep once his head hits the pillow. "If he really listened to me, I don't know that he would have run for governor," Markell said, smiling at the audience.

"I do manage to weigh-in on issues," Castle added. Carper said they "don't debate. We're sort of like real people. We don't have a lot of heavy conversations."

Does publicity about their husbands bother them?

"It's part of being in public life," said Castle. Markell and Carper agreed. "The children read the blogs. They think it's funny," added Markell. She reads the newspaper every day. "I don't internalize everything they [the media] say."

All three said they would never consider running for public office themselves. Markell said although "Jack loves what he's doing, I don't think I would really salivate to do it again." She added that the last governor's race was long, but "it was a very congenial race." She noted that contender John Carney was very considerate.

Castle closed by saying, "We're gearing up for a big race," referring to the 2010 U.S. Senate race. "It's 363 days from today," she told the audience of 250.

Markell met her husband while both were students at Newark High School. They went on to graduate from the University of Delaware. They've been married for 19 years and have two children, Molly and Michael. Carla Markell has worked in corporate training and human resources. She's also been a mentor to several at-risk students, and she's an advocate for the arts.

A native of Brandywine Hundred, Castle is also a UD graduate. She married then-Gov. Mike Castle in 1992 and was a first lady only six months before he was elected congressman. Jane Castle worked on Capitol Hill for 10 years and later for a Washington architectural/engineering firm. She's been active in the community, serving on the boards of United Way of Delaware, Mental Health Association in Delaware, Literacy Volunteers of America, Christiana Care and the Wilmington Senior Center.

Born in Boone, N.C., Carper is a graduate of Appalachian State University and the University of Tennessee. In 1986, she married Tom Carper. The couple has two sons, Christopher and Ben, both in college. She joined the DuPont Co. in 1975. She held a number of management positions, including global business manager for Lycra. Since retiring from DuPont, Carper has been become a professor at UD. She's been active with Delaware Boys and Girls Clubs, Girls Inc. of Delaware and Boy Scouts of America.

Fresh Start awards college scholarships to Delaware women "who have faced personal and economic challenges," said president Mary Maloney. More than $60,000 in scholarships was granted to 35 women this year, and 100 women have received more than $300,000 since the nonprofit began in 1996. Details: www.wwb.org.