2. Chapter One: A Basic Method of Mental Prayer

1. Meet the Maligay Family

In his youth, Tom Maligay used to live almost as a pagan. He had learned in his childhood to recite some daily prayers but, during adolescence, he found out that he could succeed in his studies, sports and relationships without much praying. Moreover, he got into some bad habits of laziness and lust which built a certain wall between God and him. Eventually, his religious practices were reduced to attending Sunday Mass which he would find boring and sometimes even missed. By the time he met Annie, at 26, he was practically indifferent to faith and felt no need to pray.

Annie had always kept to her prayer life. All throughout her education she never abandoned her daily prayers. Both in times of difficulties as in good times, she would intensify her prayer life with heartfelt petitions and thanksgiving. By the time she met Tom, she took it as her mission to motivate him to pray. At the beginning of their courtship she seemed to succeed a bit but, after marriage, she woke up to the reality that her husband was as she found him when they first met. Tom admitted that he found her ways of praying a bit meaningless and begged her to leave him alone about prayer life.

After twenty five years of marriage, they observed that their children had been developing their attitudes to prayer: Jun was like Tom, and Beth like her mother; as for Jimmy, their youngest, they were not certain about what attitude he would pick in adolescence.

It was about that time that Tom and Annie met another family who, gradually, introduced them to the spirituality of Saint Josemaria. They heard that this holy priest, who died in 1975, had taught many thousands of ordinary people how to seek God in and through the normal duties and events of daily life. After attending some recollections, they learned the practice of daily mental prayer and eventually shared their experience among themselves and with their children.

Now, Tom Maligay is in his early 50's and is managing a small company that he himself established some ten years ago. Annie is in her mid 40's and is very happy as a dedicated housewife. Jun has been working for two years in an office in Makati while Beth is in Third Year college, and Jimmy is only in Grade Six. They all have been practicing their mental prayer for more than a year.

Let us now enter their hearts as they pray, observing how each one tries to make a dialogue during their separate prayer time. You will see that they speak to God, with simplicity, about their daily concerns and events of their day. You will notice that they often pause while trying to listen to God in their minds or hearts. Those listening moments are indicated in our text with this symbol "(...)".

TOM’S prayer

Good morning Father. I believe that you are here, ready to listen to me. I will tell you what happened to me yesterday. It was a heavy day with a lot of pressures in the office. I wanted to go home early but I stayed on to finish some work. I don't know if I did the right thing, please tell me...

(...)

It is true. It was right to work on because I did it for them and I really gave myself to them when I got home. Yesterday was different from last week, when I got home tired and refused to listen to Annie as I got glued to the TV; in fact, I did complain about everybody and everything. Lord, you seem to tell me that my overtime yesterday was O.K. because you gave me the energy still to give myself to my family when I got home. Thank you Lord.

For today I still expect a heavy day. I offer it all to you. I will go to Mass first and offer my work there, along with your offering to the Father. By the way, what will you tell me in the readings of the Mass? Let me see them in the guide... Today is Mk 2:1-6. Let me read it...

(...)

Humm... You Jesus did the miracle of curing this man on the Sabbath even if you knew they would criticize you for curing on the Sabbath... Hummm. What are you telling me? Come Holy Spirit, tell me your message today.

(...)

Got it! You want me to do good to people today. To do good to them is more important than to get things perfectly done. Well, you know me. You know my difficulty in striking a balance between understanding and demanding from my employees; please help me today. At least, I can promise that I will control my temper and will not act when I feel irritated with the mistake or neglect of somebody. As Saint Josemaria says, I will wait until I cool down and can correct without hurting. What else?

(...)

Ah yes. I have to devote time to Jimmy, to hear his little adventures of his vacation day. I promise to listen with real interest... That will be part of my rest.

Well. I've got to leave for Mass now. We will review all of this in my thanksgiving for Communion. Thanks for everything you have told me and done to me in this mental prayer time. Mother Mary, thank you too, help me to live the Mass well and meaningfully...

ANNIE’S prayer

Thank you, Lord, for being here with us, in our home, in our marriage. Help Tom and me to spend this time of mental prayer fruitfully.

Yesterday was great. I did enjoy the Italian food with Jimmy --I mean how he enjoyed it..

(...)

Oh, yes. I also enjoyed the food itself... Perhaps I should have eaten less...?

(...)

Thank you, Lord, for Jimmy's joy and for my enjoying the food also. Then, I also noticed how Tom tried to be caring even if he got home late from the office. This must be you, Lord, who gave the energy to him. Last week he was not able to do what he did yesterday. I felt bad.

(...)

Yes it was you who gave me the energy to understand him and let him unwind with the TV... but I felt a bit bad. Sorry, Lord because last night I was about to nag Tom. I should have understood that he had to stay on in the office but why did he not call me up? And then he surprised me with his apology and his affectionate greeting, and his gratitude for the supper, and his spending time with Jun. All good things come from you, Lord, thank you.

And now tell me something for today. I will read from this book of meditations.

(...)

This book is good. Thanks to it, I see the problem of Jesus and the pharisees with their strict interpretation of the Sabbath. But what are you telling me? Come Holy Spirit...

(...)

Yes, I should be flexible with house rules, order and cleaning if only I can do good to others... Sometimes I get so irritated... But sometimes I think I get too flexible, as what Tom said. I do not know what to do: am I strict or too flexible?

(...)

Yes, Lord, the basic principle of decision making: husband and wife should complement and decide together on domestic things... But the problem is that Tom is not so available...

(...)

Yes, Lord, I will try to be patient and learn how to wait until Tom and I can discuss matters... Mother Mary give me more energy to wait for Tom with serenity and to present problems to him with objectivity. Any way, I will offer my whole day during the Mass now. It is good that Tom and I can attend the Mass together and offer there our day and our family and entrust our children to you... What else? (...)

Oh yes. Besides my family I should do good to others. I will call Rita. Guide me to help her if I can.

We have to go. Thank you for everything you gave me in this mental prayer. Mother Mary and Saint Joseph, intercede for us and for our children. With your help, we want our family to become like yours. Guardian Angels, take care of each of us.

JUN’s prayer

Lord, it is good that there is this chapel in Makati. It is great we can talk in this mental prayer before I see my girlfriend. You know my problem. I have to control myself better. Please help me more today. Yesterday I was weak. Good she was strong. This must be your doing. Thank you Lord, again.

Today has been an exciting day in the office. This boss is a bit demanding but I find it all quite a challenge.

(...)

Well. Sometimes it is a challenge, but at other times it really gets in to me. Sometimes, this pressure and my mistakes put me down. Today was good. My boss was in the right mood: demanding and understanding. Anyway, what shall we talk about? Tell me something. I will read from this inspirational book.

(...)

O.K. I see that I should be consistent with being a Christian even if other people might think I am not normal. Just like what happens in the Gospel story for today's Mass; you cured the paralytic even if you knew the Pharisees would criticize you for doing it on the Sabbath. You are strong. You do the right thing even if they will criticize you. I am weak. I did not dare tell the guys I was going to Mass, as I did not dare to cut their dirty conversation about girls... Sorry. Make me strong like you.

(...)

Yes, next time I will do and say the right thing. I do not care if they think I am not normal. It is getting late. Remember to help me control myself with my girlfriend. I will fetch her now. Tell me how I can help her.

(...)

That is good. I will tell her the things we have talked about today in this mental prayer.

Thank you, Lord, for everything. Sorry for everything. Help me more tonight and tomorrow. My Immaculate Mother, My guardian Angel, intercede for me.

BETH’s prayer

Lord, It's good that I got into this habit to pass by the chapel of my school. I know you are here and we can talk. I am glad I got into this habit of mental prayer. Come Holy Spirit, help me listen to Jesus here present in the tabernacle. Mother Mary, this image of yours is not the best but it is o.k. It will help me be aware of your presence in my mental prayer. Intercede for me.

This morning has been terrible, as usual. I can't get much from this accounting subject. I should have taken up another course...

(...)

Sorry Lord, you know me. On some days I tend to be so negative. Let us talk. Teach me how to look at my morning with a positive outlook.

As I was saying, I had a hard time in the class of accounting, and whenever that happens I get so upset. Give me serenity to consider how I can get rid of this difficulty.

(...)

Yes. I could have worked harder. Yes, it is partially my fault because yesterday I did not review nor preview the lesson; I got so engrossed talking with Suzy on the phone that I consumed the time I had for studying. Yes Lord, I now resolve to make better use of my time to study. But why did I talk so long on the phone?

(...)

Yes, it must be my curiosity on the lives of the people Suzy was telling me about... Sorry Lord. Help me to gain interior control of my curiosity and give me fortitude to cut long, unnecessary conversations. But the point remains: I am not so good at accounting. Maybe I should shift to another course...

(...)

You are right again. It is unrealistic to change now. Besides I need the humility to accept my limitations and the strength to exert more effort, including asking help from my more talented classmates. Tell me something today. I will read the Gospel for today's Mass.

(...)

I really like you: you really put the pharisees to shame. You made them think with your question. How come they are willing to help an animal fallen in a well on a Sabbath and yet they were so critical of your curing a man on a Sabbath? You really are committed to do good whenever you see the needs of people. But how does this apply to me?

(...)

I should help people in need whenever I notice them. But do I take notice of them? Sometimes I am so insensitive... why?

(...)

Yes Lord. It must be what you had been telling me before: my curiosity, my self-preoccupation, my selfishness...

(...)

You are right again. I should not exaggerate what is negative in me without seeing my positive things. I do help a lot in the house and I have been helping Jimmy, Suzy... Bob and Arlene and... Thank you Lord because these good things I do must have come from you. Help me more to be an instrument of your love. How does that prayer go? I think is from St. Francis --about loving rather than to be loved and consoling rather than to be consoled, understanding rather than being understood. I like it. Anyway, help me to be like you, to help people in their needs, to notice them and to do something whenever I can.

Thank you for everything. Mother Mary, help me to be like you. I will try my best but you also have to help me to be more positive and serene.

JIMMY’s prayer

Dear Lord, I am Jimmy. I am here to talk with you for a while. I know that you are here listening to me. Please, speak to me also in this time of prayer.

First of all, I will tell you what I did since we last talked. Please speak to me, tell me whether what I did was good or bad, whether I pleased you or not.

Last night, I began to watch TV for a while. Then, I got stuck with this movie. Then, I sensed something inside me telling me that this movie was not good: I was wasting time and getting indecent thoughts.

(...)

Yes, sorry Lord, for not having listened to you through my conscience. At the end, I was so sleepy that I went to bed and forgot all about my night prayers.

(...)

Yes, sorry Lord, for having forgotten about you.

This morning, I felt happy when my mother asked me to accompany her to the Mall; she really noticed I was bored. We took lunch in that Italian fast food and I really ate a lot.

(...)

Sorry, Lord, I think I ate too much. And thank you for giving me a good morning and a good food and a good Mom. In the afternoon I called up Tim. We talked long about our vacation activities and he invited me to his house to play a new computer game. We really had fun.

(...)

Yes Lord, thank you for my friend Tim. He's a good guy. We had fun and we also learned something in the process. Yes, thank you Lord.

It is almost time to finish our mental prayer. Let's see if I got you. You have told me again that I have to control my TV addiction... O.k. Tonight I will watch only the news and that series about the cop. Then I will read that book Jun recommended until I get sleepy... O.k....?

Of course , I will not forget about you tonight. Before you go to bed I will say my prayers.

You have also told me to see how good Mom is. O.k. I will ask her today if she needs something from me tomorrow.

(...)

About Tim...? yeah. I will call him up and try to make some plans he'll enjoy.

Well. Time is up. Thank you for everything and for this mental prayer. We will talk tomorrow... at the same time, in the same place.

2. Basic Notions about mental prayer

What is the mental prayer habit?

It is the habit of talking with God daily for some time. Many people talk to God spontaneously when they feel like it, or when they feel the need; some even talk with God systematically every night before going to bed. But not so many know how to listen to God during their prayer time. Most people just tell God about some need or wish and then recite some vocal prayers.

On the other hand, people who acquire the habit of mental prayer, learn to recognize God speaking in their heart. Take the case of the members of the Maligay family. We can notice that, as they tell God about their daily activities, they pause to listen [represented in the text by "(...)"] and they seem to get something from God; then, they respond by saying sorry or thank you. Sometimes, they also resolve to do something: to make up for something bad or do some other good things. And all of it happens in a simple and friendly manner. It seems that they really relate with God as a Father or a Friend.

The habit of mental prayer is something very simple and yet, very interesting. You really learn to recognize Him as a friend with whom you can share whatever happens to you. Once you get into the habit, you are never alone. Sometimes you get direction and guidance, other times you get a friendly but clear correction, or at times you even get encouragement and consolation And all of this coming from God himself as your Father, as your elder Brother, as your Friend!

Actually, I have to repeat here the clarification I made in the opening pages. Sometimes, prayer does not come so simple as if we always connect with God unmistakably. Many a time we cannot get clearly what God would prefer among several options or we might even get it all wrong; that is why the need for a spiritual director or adviser who can assists us in discerning things we perceive in prayer. The need for discernment occurs quite often and it takes time, humility and help from others to get clearly what God might mean. Still, for the majority of our day-to-day events and simple decisions, we can rely on what we perceive in prayer if we go there with a pure and humble heart.

A Basic Method: Talking, Listening, Responding.

There are many ways or methods of going about this habit. The important thing is to fulfill its purpose: to converse with God, to have a two-way communication with Him. Like in any human conversation we can distinguish three flows in prayer: talking, listening and responding.

What should I talk about with God?

The basic theme should always be your own life: about yourself and what is happening to you; what you did in your previous 24 hours and what you plan to do in the next ones or tomorrow. In his presence, try to express how some events or persons affect you: your worries, your anger, your wishes, your doubts, your joys and hopes, your boredom and sadness, your guilt and things that bother you.

And how do I listen to God?

The basic way is to be attentive to our conscience. As you tell Him what you did, you might notice --if you pause with an attentive heart-- that what you did was good and made Him happy, or it was rather wrong and He did not like it. As you express how you feel about some event or person, you might notice --if you listen in your conscience-- whether He likes it or disapproves of the way you feel or react.

Once you have developed the habit you will learn other ways of listening (for example, through reflection on the Scriptures or some spiritual reading book), but being attentive to your conscience is basic.

Again, I would like to repeat one important clarification I made in the first pages. The Church has always taught that conscience can commit mistakes; that is why we all have the responsibility to develop a good conscience with the orientation of our confessor and by an appropriate knowledge of the moral teaching of the Church. Thanks God, we have a good and sure summary in the Third Part of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

How can I respond to God?

Finally, we should also learn how to respond to God in prayer. As you listen in your heart-conscience, you will find out whether He is happy or displeased about what you did; this awareness might prompt an spontaneous response, a "forgive me" or a "thank you", in your heart. In a more mature kind of prayer, we learn to reflect on those good and bad things and make resolutions to increase the good and correct the bad. At the beginning of our next mental prayer we can report back to Him about how we did in our resolutions.

3. Tips for getting started

A) A Basic Method

Find a time and a place where you can spend about ten or fifteen in peace and alone with God. Begin your prayer by becoming aware of God's presence right in front of you, or in your heart.

SPEAK. Tell God about your day: your activities, your choices and reactions, etc.

LISTEN. Pause once in a while and ask him whether He was pleased or not with your actions. Listen to him in your conscience.

RESPOND. Depending on what you "see or hear" make your responses explicit: ask forgiveness, give thanks, resolve to change an attitude or to follow an inspiration, etc.

End the prayer time summarizing what you gathered and tell God what you would do about it.

B) Suggested Exercises

1. Get started with the habit this week following the basic method. Be ready for some difficulties; we shall discuss some of them in the next chapter.
2. Take a personal notebook and make a prayer journal. Each day, at the end of your prayer time, make a record consisting of two main points: what you told God, and what He told you. You may even jot down your response or resolution. Be discrete about how you write matters of conscience and where you keep your personal notebook.
3. At the end of the week, you can reflect on what happened to you in prayer: whatever success or difficulty or failure, messages received and your responses, etc. You might find it very helpful to discuss your reflections with a prayer adviser: your confessor or somebody whom you can trust and is experienced in prayer life.