Some of us will get married and start a family. In reality we would like to think everyone involved begins the relationship with the intention and hope of the fairy-tale relationship that lasts forever. For some that fades and it ends, like it or not. Those of use with children have a new challenge, working out support and access. There are guidelines that help establish the amount of money that should flow from the non-custodial parent to the custodial parent, titles with a healthy amount of resentment on their own. Custody is a touchy subject.
Some people begin their seperate lives and in the fight to re-define themselves include in their posessions their children. They are considered property and will not share those wonderful little miracles. The children don't understand why Dad and Mom are apart, they'll talk to you of getting back together with Mom/Dad because they want that. They don't understand but your job is to ensure they remain naive, for now, and don't harbour any resentment for your spouse. You hold the line on rules and such, defending your ex's actions as well as possible so you're not eroding what your children see in your ex. It hurts sometimes, you may slip up but correct. Your intentions are good.
The courts are at the mercy of the custodial parent. Some light paperwork and your ex has imposed upon you, "The System". The system sees each NCP as a deadbeat, they really have no need to define you as anything else. The financial statement they ask you to fill out will do no good, for they expect at least the amount of your Support Order. The fact that you make less now that the amount you paid in support a few weeks or months ago is irrelevant. Your ex's lawyer has told her that he's likely hiding the money, or working under the table, fueling her fight. You are facing eviction and job loss because the system is taking more than 50% of your income and threatens your drivers license on a regular basis.
You've become the Deadbeat. By definition you are a person who shirks responsibility and is a burden upon society.
What have you done to deserve this moniker? Nothing. You were employed in a promising field, coasting on the wins and experience and doing well. Then things changed, if you were in the Information Technology field, you were hung up in early in this decade. If you were in a tourism business, 9/11 did you no favours. There are endless reasons for the change. You didn't quit, not at all. you rebounded, better than some and decided to look for work that might just let you get up to speed quickly. You were self-employed or a contracter to you have no employment insurance. You took what was there. You took retail, low-skill labour, or the food service route. Maybe you went into transportation, Taxi? You felt better that you were employed.
Your ex is asking for money, she's already filed papers with the FRO but that takes a while, you're doing your best to give her what you can but you're new income is just barely over your old support payments. She thinks you're a liar or a fool when you tell her that all you have to spare is $5 as she stands in the door of her 3000 square foot house. You leave, to stand in the cold and take the bus back to the your home, 3 hours away.
At home you feel the wave of depression hit. It's guilt and shame and a real sense of loneliness. You're alone and facing the eviction, unemployment and the loss of your children. You're not working the next morning, you can work on the job-hunt, the pressure from "The System" suggests any job will do, you broaden your search to the city, the province, the country. You bolster your self-esteem and begin writing cover letters, fluffing your feathers on paper. 6 hours later you're done. You've sent your information and applications to 20 or more employers. The job boards keep your records of application and you're ready to head to work. It's a long night, you're working through it.
Is this the life of a deadbeat? No. The System is certain you are, your former spouse may not be so convinced anymore, but she's not involved, The System is on autopilot. You're not a Deadbeat, you're dead broke but The System doesn't care.
The System's mandate is to collect from non-custodial parents, no matter their circumstances, based strickly upon the current support order. In Ontario, the Family Responsibility Office has a singular focus and role. They are a government funded collection agency with alot of power and no discretion.