hashtrash
Hash Trash
9/07 Pirate Hash
...such as it is:
'Twas a Wednesday night, but that didn't stop the hashers from
donning our eye patches and pirate hats and PILLAGING AND PLUNDERING
the port of Eugene! We started in the rose garden, climbed aboard
Bitchy's brand-new-to-him short bus and drank rum straight from the
bottle. Then we followed clues (not flour) to the Cooler, which was
empty but for a few land-lubbers. We sang bawdy songs and then
climbed aboard the short bus again. Captain Bitchy drove us
downtown, and...uh...from there I can't remember much. Somehow we
ended up at Diablo's, which was PACKED with people in costume,
including a number of very sexy pirate wenches. There was even a
pirate band: accordion, washboard w. spoons and a fiddle.
If we had religion, I missed it. In fact, most people disappeared
somewhere along the trail w.out my noticing (it was a week day, after
all). I stayed out with Cockwork and Ballzak until around midnight,
went to the Horsehead for some food and water to sober up before
driving.
Fun details: Bitchy the Clown always knows how to add style to a
hash. He handed out little clues on bits of paper that he'd singed
around their edges. There was supposed to be treasure to be found on
trail, but I didn't pay attention to any of that, staggering around
as I was, earnestly trying to inform people about the plight of
hamsters the world over, condemned to run on their tiny wheels, caged
like ANIMALS! Or, earnestly telling fellow hashers how much I love
and appreciate them, while bestowing them with great sloppy smooches
on their cheeks and hugging them tightly while they try to get away.
'Twas a mad hash indeed! Yaaarrgh!
-Fuzzy Fish Taco
5/20/2007
1st Annual H.A.L.T. Hash
Hares: Performance Fart & Fingerbang
Well, it was an epic-long hash on Sunday night, thanks to Performance
Fart and Fingerbang. Exhausted hashers trekked from Good Times to
some place I disremember, except that they had a "pole dancing"
contest for $500 advertised. We sang the "Yogi Bear" song. From
thence the hashers dragged their raggedy asses to the HorseHead (who
said head?) and finally FINALLY back to Good Times. Joy was the
uncontested FRB, along with his spawn, Just Sylvan, who blazed trail
through unbelievable shiggy all around downtown.
At religion, Cockwork trotted out his many original songs and was
soundly pusnished for it, and the hash mangled a song sung in rounds.
We had two luscious virgins: Just Ken and Just Alison (Fuzzy's
delectable little sister). Just Alison did her sister proud by
flashing not once (at a boob check) but TWICE (during religion). Out
of respect for her considerable endowments, Three Ball Jay bought her
a 4th Anal Clown Hash T-Shirt. Inexplicably, the neck of the shirt
was sewn shut! It was not possible for her to push her head through
the hole. Thus, she was named: All Head, No Hole. Fuzzy wept tears
of pride. Just Ken made an impression by molesting the sacred vessel
in front of everyone, lewdly licking and rubbing it long after his
down-down was complete. What a pervert - I mean, wanker.
-Fuzzy
_______________________
5/14/07 - Coco Roo Housewarming Hash
Hare: Genitalia
Dear Bwankers,
I have been instructed by my Internet cyber-lover to write an essay
about Sunday's hash:
We promptly met at 6PM in parking lot C of LCC. Coco's dog HATES, oh
sorry, LOVES skateboards. Hugh brought new hash shit. Tecnu massages.
Soon, we were off on a most-beautiful and stroller-friendly hare trail
through the hills of southern Eugene.
There were TWO beer checks, each generously stocked with half a six
pack of Pabst. The second beer check was, I think, at Coco's new home.
A bit rustic, missing some walls, a roof, and a foundation... but hey,
it had a fireplace, so it was warm.
At the on-in, we fed dogs chocolate, dodged LCC security, threw
children over fences, and we were introduced to the Zombie Killer. It
has two big orifices and one little one. Many people used it. Hilarity
ensued. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.
The hare didn't have to do a down-down OR show a body part, BULLSHIT!
Love,
My Weiner Is Huge In Japan
_________________________________
4/22/07 - Hares: Turdle & Assbiter
AB: Alton Baker Park? Maybe? Make sure you go through the first On! In! as Turdle might have changed it.
CR: What's a with matter you Hugh? Getting old?
HM: Fuck off Coco.
TBJ: Fuck, a train. Guess I'll jump it.
HM: On On. Flour over there, Pre's Trail down river from Knickerbocker.
CR: I hate short cutting with Hugh. It always turns out badly.
TBJ: Don't see flour here at Alton Baker. Damn!
HM: It's got to be here. Or not. Maybe Day Island Park in Springburg.
TBJ: Let's go to the Cooler and call my wife.
HM: I got no ID, no money. Nuthin'.
TBJ: My wife's not at the On In yet anyway.
CR: What's the quickest way to Day Island Park?
HM: Martin Luther King Boulevard.
TBJ: I can't go that far, I'm wasted.
HM: My foot is fucked up. We'll have to walk. It's going to take a while.
TBJ: We have no choice.
HM: We could hitch hike.
CR: Yeah right Hugh. I knew I shouldn't have followed you.
HM: You folks taking your "take out" from Kowloons towards Springtucky?
Stranger: As a matter of fact yes.
HM: Can we get a ride in the back of your pick up?
Stranger: Sure, where?
HM: Day Island Park. Coco, Three Ball, we got a ride!!!
CR: It's cold but sure beats running.
TBJ: No shit.
CR: There's flour! The On In!
TBJ, CR, HM: "There is a Hash God"
HM: Attention everyone, it does NOT end at Alton Baker. I'm exhausted. Bring Recycling to Sanipac to Glenwood to Knickerbocker to Alton Baker and all the way back to Day Island Park. What's that 10-12 miles? I need a beer.
BM: So you nit wits finally showed, 20 minutes late. Somebody needs to go get Head Queen and Phil McCrackin'. They're at the North Bank.
AB: Ass Biter
CR: Coco Roo
TBJ: Three Ball Jay
HM: Hugh Mungus
Stranger: Herself
BM: Barely Manbelow
Also attending: Ball Sack, Cockwork, Griffey, Free Lilly, Buff Wheet, Muff Mouth, Barely Manbelow, Sasquatch, My D is big in Japan, Performance Fart, Bitchie and His, Does Little Boyz (?), Captain Bangeroo, Mossy, Moose Cock and the fucking Hares, Ass Biter and Turdle.
Sorry if I missed you,
Shitty Hash
Hugh
_________________________________________
4/15/07 - Hare: Coco Roo
And the Lord said;
Let there be Shiggy.
And there was;
And it was good.
. Hashicus 6:9
Amen, Brothers and Sisters!! There was glorious shiggy!! The blackberries
were rightously barbed. The mud oozed with the slime of Beelzebub. The
poison oak stalked unwary sinners. The pack even had to get on their
bellies and slither like the accursed serpent under unholy obstacles.
Twice.
Those who had the audacity to traverse the Path without dressing for proper
Sunday Services, such as DixR4Kids, soon learned the error of their ways, as
their legs became a disfigured mass of blood-soaked grime. Obviously, they
had never run one of Brother CoCo's trails and will not make that mistake
again. Repent, O ye sinners!!!
We held religion in what used to be the House of Gopher, but is now becoming
the House of the Roo. Blessed be the House. Blessed be the Beer in the
House. Blessed be Gopher in the new House she just bought.
Blessed be Cockwork Orange and Tits4Balzak, who announced they will be tying
the knot. Poor sinners. They say they are not doing it because she is
knocked up, and claim he has been snipped. So if she is knocked up, it will
be the work of the Lord and the new Messiah will be born unto this earth.
Amen!!
Blessed be Goldrush, which will be held August 11-12 in Coos Bay, decided
upon by unanamous consent of the congregation. And Blessed be Pacific
Northwest Interhash, (PNWI) which will be at Silver Falls in mid- September.
After religion, 12 of us adjourned to McMennimans on 19th. It was no
coincience that our number represented the 12 apostles. We endeavored drink
3 pitchers representing some sort of Holy Crap and continued drinking until
we all reached Nirvanna. Or some other Happy Place.
OnOn
The Rightous Reverend ManBelow
Humble Hash Scribe
____________________________________________________________________
4/7/07 - Peter Heater Hash Triathalon
(Corvallis)
Nothing like a cold and windy spring day in Corvallis, where men are men and the gay sheep are especially nervous.
In the great tradition of the Oregon Hash, the 3pm start time was merely an estimate. I left Eugene at 3pm and still arrived in Corn Valley in time to see the lead pack barking On! On! a block from the start. I hustled into shorts and tennies and ran after the pack.
We zig zagged across hwy 99 and railroad tracks and headed west to a "WC." Water check? I don't water!
Turns out it was a "Wine Check." Very thoughtful as the Hares Butt Crack and ManHole provided us with a flight of fine Northwest reds. The check ended with Barely Manbelow reciting a rousing rendition of Stink Finger's infamous "Ringadangdoo." First time I ever understood a word of it. What dooo you know?
It was at this point I realized how big this Hash was. Portland, Corvallis, Salem, Eugene, Coos Bay and ? were represented. I'm not even going to try and remember everyone. Although there's a few I could forget, like Dumpster Dick. He's such a dumb ass.
Everyone who was there, please raise your hand. Thanks, that's about 40 or 50.
Here is where the Hares through us a curve ball. I followed the first Hares closely from the Wine Check, only to find out Barely and Show n' Tell were laying the second have of the trail. Damn it. There was a beer check at a serious dive of a bar. Then off and over the tracks (much to Show's dismay, we didn't go through the HWY 99 tunnel he found.)
The trail was streets and residential even though the Hares PROMISED shiggy. Yeah right.
A non-descript check over a bridge on a bike path finally introduced us to taste of what was to come.
Shortly after jogging along a highway with locals yelling out their Neon windows about us skinny, gay, running freakazoids we ducked into the woods and were overwhelmed by some of the nastiest, sticky, smelly, blackberry and poison oak invested muck I've ever navigated. I hate crawling on my hands and knees under blackberry vines. Bastard Hares! I knew the damn On! In! was close. I could smell it. But it took 1/2 an hour to traverse the last 3/4 mile of trail.
Finally arriving at Show's home we were welcomed with great soup, chips, homemade cookies, corn bread, cold beer, Easter treats and live and pre-recorded music until way too fucking late. Ask Bloody Dumper.
Thanks Corvallis.
It's 2:30 pm and time for a nap. And some aspirin for this headache...
Hugh
__________________________________________________________
APRIL FOOLS DAY HASHTRASH-
Hare: Genetalia
Start: Lane Community College
Weather: Overcast, 69 degrees
Trail: Shitty Shiggy
The unwitting soon-to-be tortured gathered in the LCC parking lot testing
out the new beer that the hash recently purchased on the cheap from the
Rogue Brewery. Good stuff!! (Note: future hares can buy it from the hash
for only $20/case!!)
We were told by the only hasher to arrive on time that the hare was setting
live and had left promptly at 3pm. Yeah, right. Live hare on April Fools
Day? We figured it was all prelayed and had another beer amid stories of
stumbling across hashes in distant lands.
Then we were off charging through LCC, getting confused in the buildings,
and eventually slogging into the hills beyond. Meanwhile Hugh, knowing all
too well the mind of his wife, headed straight up the hills behind LCC. He
was dead wrong and we didnt see him on trail for a long, long, time
And what a glorious trail it was. Incredible shiggy, blackberries, Poison
Oak, breathtaking views, a beercheck with ice cold brews, and even TWO
Eagle- Turkey splits. Even Coco Roo mumbled a few words of praise, It wuz
a trail like my Great-Grand-Pappy Coco Poo used to set. And Coco Poo knew a
thing or two about shiggy. Yes sireee!!!
The hounds had to crawl through a ridiculously long blackberry tunnel to get
to the beer check, which is where Hugh finally caught up with us. Poor
Hugh. He was the only hound to show up in shorts, and his arms and legs
looked like he had just given 8 or 9 cats a bath.
After a brief tour of the gazillionaires houses on Spring Blvd, a clever
check sent half the pack scaling Mt. Baldy in search of flour, while true
trail headed back to LCC. We regrouped at the second Eagle Turkey split,
and realized 3-Ball Jay was nowhere to be seen. Wiener was sure he was in
front of us, so on we went. 15 minutes later TBJ came stumbling up from the
rear looking like he had been hauling butt for a long time. He assured us
that there was no flour on top of, or on the other side of, Mt. Baldy.
Religion was short and sweet with down-downs for all. We were amazed to
find out that Genetalia had in fact set the whole trial live, crawled
through the #*@% tunnel, and even set the Eagle/ Turkeys by herself- Honor
to the Hare!!!
OnOn
Barely ManBelow
Hash Scribe
________________________________________________________
3/18/07 - White Trash Hash
Hare: Fuzzy Fish Taco
It was a stunning sight and we were on camera for all head queen's compatriots to see. a beautiful day for hashing and the fuzzfish did it all. she laid a shitty hash through the river roads - gave us two beer checks - and served us white trashy food to die for...............spam, mac n cheez from a box, twinkies, white bread and pbr/coors.
we were a trashy crew - cockwork with his pubic sideburns won the award for most realistic. there were wonderful incest jokes and lots of fucking dogs.....captain's down downs were priceless as he mixed his twinkies and beer into a discombobulated shitfest.
a hash which will go down in the anuses of mammary.
let's trailer park again next year,
turdle
____________________________________________________________
3/4/07
Hares: Mossy, Bangaroo & Just Kaden
Hounds: Coco, Hughmungus, Barely Manbelow, Ass biter, Turdle, Beef Stroke Me
Off, Swollen Member & Just Child, Down Down Dog, Man Handler, Three Ball
Jay, Cock Work Orange, Dicks Are For Kids, Not Much To Look At, & The Hasher
I Haven't Seen For Awhile And Can't Remember His Name.
Hounds Masters: Coco Pup & Fluff
Our perfect trail started out with a less than perfect scout. Baby Kaden,
Captain & I were scouting trail one glorious day. All was going well until
we decided to follow a deer trail up to a road "that's right there". A road
up a 300 ft cliff. We had baby Kaden in a front pack. We've done a few
solo climbs @ Red Rock & Yosemite so thought this would be a breeze. One
foot hold in front of another, we kept thinking things would get easier. We
only could go forward. At one point we thought we would have to cut the
baby loose in order to forge on, but we managed to scout the whole trail
with all the gear & bodies we came with. So, we decided to take the hash
another route.
I can't lie...beautiful day! The temperature was perfect, the poison oak
was teasing & the bare legs were just asking for trouble. Anybody itching
yet? I can't speak for running the hash since we admittedly prelaid it,
but I'll do my best since I can't seem to sleep still thinking of the
spectacular trail we donated. Generally, the consensus was happiness.
Happiness, like they've never felt before. Hashers holding hands & singing
gleefully through the forest. Ball sacks being shown & tits swaying. Some
ran the trail backwards, because they couldn't seem to get enough of
whatever. Assbiter came late purposefully so he could get a more spiritual
experience. Turdle had pneumonia, but couldn't stop herself from such a
stupendous trail. Coco said he laid this trail before, but we all know he
is full of shit. Frosted covered shortbreads, stuffed neutons, chocolate
torte stuffed with white choco frosting, garlic hummus with greek flat
bread, fresh garden veges with creamed sauce (seriously creamed).
Art
Perfection
Mossy
_____________________________________________
2/4/07
The umpteenth annual Super Bowl Hash extravaganza commenced this past
Sunday at the Old Pad Tavern on an unusually warm February
afternoon. Hashers from points near and far ambled in, as per
tradition, well past the noon start time. They came from Portland,
from Corvallis, and even from Hawaii, lured, perhaps, by the promise
of a signature Hugh Mungus trail; he promised us bountiful, nasty
shiggy, and an epic adventure not soon to be forgotten.
I cannot recall all who attended, but there was Squats to Pee and
Titless, Rock Hard and Head Queen, Turdle and Assbiter, Mossy and
Cap'n Bangaroo, Roasted Weenie and Bloody Dumper. There was Winky
the Angry Starfish and KaToyToy, Barely Manbelow, Bitchy, Goodwill
Cunting, Show and Tell, 3Ball Jay, Cream Jeans and FedSex and Mystery
Meat.
I Soddom and Done Laid 'em was there, once again virginless.
McCracken was there without his easily winded corgi.
Joy To His Mother was there in uniform.
And hash babies and dogs abounded.
With visions of a true shiggy trail in mind, the large pack proceeded
to pound the pavement through suburban south Eugene to the first beer
check at the Highlands. Some pale beer and a song or two and we were
off, again on pavement, headed south. After a brief flirtation
with "shiggy" in the small wooded area above Spencer Butte Middle
School, it was back to asphalt and concrete to the headwaters of
Amazon creek. I had begun to fear that Hugh's fixation on dominating
the 50+ age group road racing circuit had warped his sense for a
decent hash trail.
We finally left the roads for a while and headed up the new Amazon
headwaters trail, where a nasty back check brought the now strung out
pack together. Confusion and chaos followed as the true trail was
sought. Alliances formed and insults were hurled ("keep checking you
lazy fuck!" someone shouted, apparently at me).
Mr Cream Jeans and I decided it had to branch off somewhere uphill,
so up we went for the 3rd or 4th time, as a splinter group of
quitters was seen coasting downhill with the waters of Amazon Creek,
to be deposited once again at the Old Pad.
The rest of us, which as far as I could tell at the time was only
Cream Jeans, Roasted Weenie, and myself, were driven by the promise
of an eagle trail beer check, so up we went, and up, and up, and up,
then down, then up some more, to a most glorious spot for a beer
check on top of Mt. Baldy, with views of the valley on one side and
unnecessary trophy homes carved out of the rare oak savannah on the
other. Here we conveniently found 3 large mocha porters and a
thoughtfully included bottle opener (what a guy). As we relished our
good fortune and listened to Cream Jeans talk about his love for
climbing large trees on the top of buttes in lightning storms, the
others, including a decidedly beaten looking Barely Manbelow,
trickled in. We offered them our backwash and the fruit soda, a
group full-moon-over-the-valley shot was taken (dogs included), and
off we went.
From here, the trail cascaded downhill, past an even more obscene
house-in-progress at the end of Spring Blvd., and emptied out onto
east Amazon where, with glycogen stores now depleted, it felt like
the last leg of Hood to Coast back to the start, where we arrived a
generous 10 minutes before kickoff and almost 3 hours after we had
begun.
The on-in party at Bradford's was the usual festive affair, with
plenty of food, a couple of kegs, and an assortment of home theater
systems for our viewing pleasure. Cockwork Orange, who for some
reason had shown up at the start to announce that he would rather go
ballroom dancing than hash with us, joined us here. Teeny Tiny
Monkey Dick was spotted lurking in corners now sporting a Unabomber
beard. And Slippery Grip and Gooey Dick arrived late in the game
bearing seafood and diet soda.
Down downs were done, virgins were annointed, visitors were welcomed,
Skid Butt once again dominated the betting board ("I put in $20 every
year and I always make money"), and the Colts beat the Bears (as if
anyone cared).
On On
_____________________________________________________
1/28/07
Barely Manbelow and Manhandler were responsible for last Sunday's
travesty: a no-holds-barred mega-shiggy-op with copious debauchery.
Moosecock was hitting the brewskis early and heavy. I'm thinkin'
that with a body weight of, what?, fifteen pounds, Moosecock would be
legally drunk on two and a half teaspoons of beer.
Soddom Bin Laden bemoaned that his recent naming has tipped off many
a virgin, and thus jinxed his legendary gift for making virgins come.
Goodwill cunting reports lovin' life as having attained `the
triumvirate' simultaneously (broke, single, and unemployed.)
Oh, yeah, I guess there was a trail: Shiggy, shiggy, shiggy,
beercheck. Shiggy and more shiggy, Did I mention slogging soggy
shitty shiggy?
Hash crime wave: Bitchy bled profusely on the flora, others were
found guilty of whiny backsliding. Hugh anally removed and revolved
his blank stocking cap, foisting his years of experience and slippery
down-down avoidance strategies. Performance Fart declined to directly
demonstrate the delicate art of the sign language proposition.
(Either that, or she couldn't pick a couple of favorites)
And then came the moment all were clearly awaiting: Cockwork Orange,
clad in tails and black tie, strode purposefully to the podium and
thrice tapped his baton. The crowd hushed in rapt anticipation: For
this was to be the debut concert performance of his `symphonia in Beer
Flat Major, opus 6,' also known by its more colloquial title:
"I hashed right past the beer-check sober"
(As Cockwork's baton sashayed, tiny beads of sweat dotted his furrowed
brow...)
`... I thought we were on-on flour....'
`... one homemade porter, two warm cans of Blitz,
three swigs of backwash, we tragically missed..",
`...no need explaining, the hare's in deep shit, for this outrage
he'll drink more....'
`...We hashed right past the beer check sober...
`... what the hell's a beer near for?...'
At the final note, a perfect high `C' every beer bottle in a 60 foot
radius shattered...Women peeled down and tossed their damp panties,
men wept unashamedly, babies shit their pants...Coco Roo belched.
Almost a new low.
on on
______________________________________________________
1/7/07 - CD GIVEAWAY HASH
Last Sunday's Hash started at Spencer's Butte Middle School. Hares were Assbiter and Turdle. Hounds were Coco Roo, Man Handler, Three Ball, Hugh, Cream Jeans, Captain Bangaroo, Mossy Grotto, Free Lilly, Buffwheat, Beef Stroke Me Off, Swollen Member, Good Will Cunting, newly named Osadom-been-laidem, his latest virgin (sorry, can't remember her name), auto hashers Barely, Scratchy Snatch & FTAH. Lubejob & Crack of Dawn only at start They're still lost on trail. No one has heard from them.
The group broke up into two packs from the start. Coco Roo & Coco Pup typically led the pack of short cutting bastards who we never saw until the on in. The rest of us ran an unforgettable trail via woods behind Spencers Middle School, to Amazon Parkway and to a beer check which the short cutters missed. Too bad. We did body shots off of a dozen naked strippers. They outnumbered us. Our intimate pack stuck close together for the remainder of the trail in residential areas (where Hugh once again stole a skateboard from some kids to prove that he will never grow up), by the amazon dog park, winding back towards Highlands and to the on in at Edwards grade school (behind Spencers Butte Middle School).
CRIMES
Captain and I (Mossy) showed up right as the hounds took off. We said a quick "howdy" and took off to chase the back running bastards. It took us about an hour to figure out we left our dog, Domino, back in our car. Thank God we left the baby with Grandma & Grandpa. Two half minds oughtta make a full, but the math just doesn't work in our case. Domino got to join us at the on in and we did our rightfully deserving down downs.
Just Taran got a naming after bringing more virgins hashing than we've seen in years. He makes another virgin cum every time he cums. Sometimes several. We figured he must be up to 72 virgins to get his martydom. So, he earned the name "Osadom-been-laidem".
Cream Jeans was needing a little extra attention and a lot extra beer. He hashed in new shoes. He changed them afterward not to hide them, but to prevent being off balance when he drinks out of one. Isn't Cream Jeans always a little off balance? Anyhow, he drank once for the shoes and once for wearing head gear during the down down.
Coco Roo drank because he's Coco Roo. He also was made Official Hash Critic. He only came since he expected Shiggy so close to ridgeline trail. Psych!
Swollen Member got a down down for drinking on his own child's school grounds. Bad Daddy!
More crimes were committed and punished.
CD's were given away for all crimes committed. Could it get any better? Shitty trail, beer, food, and free shit for being bad. I like it. Sport drinking continued at Highlands. We couldn't make it because we couldn't remember where we put our baby.
On on
Mossy
--------------------
12/31/06 - NEW YEARS EVE DISCO HASH
A great disco hash - sparse attendance but much fun. Our hares - Mossy and Captain Bangeroo did a marvelous job of piggy backing us around town. FTAH, Rockhard, Genitalia, Assbiter, Turdle, Disco (she lives) and Barely, dressed in our disco spiffies, partied at Taylors, the new Fed Building, the top of the world, and Rogue Brewery. The white elephants turned out to be some great stuff, so there were many battles for the goodies. A fun time was had by all..............Then some of us went to the Hilton to dance and party some more. We met up with Sperm Bank, Just Vaughn, Crack of Dawn and LubeJob who had rented a room filled with booze and naked bimbos. A perfect ending to 2006.
-Turdle
-------------------------------------------------------
Hash Trash - "Beauty and the Beast"
Sunday, December 17 2006
It was cold Sunday. Really cold.
The Hares were Manhandler and newcummer and Virgin Hare Taran and they were layin' it LIVE! A2A Prime. Whatever the Hell that means?
There were Virgins Hounds also. Pretty good turnout. Bitchy the Clown, Barely Manbelow, Turdle, Dix R 4 Kids, Good Will Cunting, Phil McCrackin, Joy to his Mother, very sick Rock Hard (loved that HOT Broke Back look), periodic sightings of FTAH, Mossy Grotto, Captain Bangeroo, Mystery Meat, Mr. Cream Jeans with Moose Cock in jogger, just a Bimbo, three or four Virgins, one courtesy of Dicken Cider (go girl!) and who the Hell else? Damn it Mind! Thimk!!!
Anyway, we did some chalk talk for the Virgins and the Hares waddled off. Beauty and the Beast.
We eventually finished an inspired version of Joe and his Button Machine. We were starting to get warmed up. And we were off.
Lots of asphalt and cement followed by more...Asphalt and cement. That's okay. The had a beer check or two. Did I mention it was cold? Muther F*cking cold. We ran North, East, South, West and eventually North again and found ourselves near the start. A2A Prime? How about A2B. Yes and the On In was in a very exposed back yard. Cold! Need fire. Need warm clothes. Screw it, go inside.
Cum back out for Religion. Good religion. Enthusiastic religion. Virgin religion. Backslider religion. AutoHash religion.
It's amazing. Hare Taran brought 2 more Virgins, I think. What a BEAST he is! That makes like 6 in a month. I love this guy. I think maybe after he skimmed through the Koran he read about the 72 Virgins and he's trying to gather them all. Cool. You gotta have goals.
Shitty trail. Crappy religion. I hear the food was good. All in all a Shitty Hash.
Hugh
_____________
HashTrash
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Start: Amazon Pool
On-On-On: Cornucopia
Hare: Goodwill???
ThreeBallJay
I arrived only 2 minutes late, hoping the Hare had not decided to leave on
time. I found only a pair of lonely hounds with that sad look in the eye of
having been heartbroken by a no-show date.
Not to fear! We had plenty of Beer!!!
Meanwhile, another similar pack (including last week‚s 4 virgins) was
amassing on the other side of Amazon Pool. Eventually they found us and
quickly depleted our beer supply, leaving nothing but backwash for
latecummers like Rockhard, Headqueen, and Beef StokeMeOff.
We soon had quite a throng- (that is to say more than a tenth of a gross,
but not quite a score. We plan to work our way up to gross, but we are all
hoping the score will be soon.)
Butt!!!>>> NO HARE!!! Whathefuk? The Hare, Goodwill, said he could not
run because he had cut himself shaving his bunions, or something like that,
and 3BallJay had agreed to set trail, but the Hare had promised to show up
with beer! The Beercheck was lookin‚ mighty dry, until 3Ball snagged a $20
out of HashCash, and scampered off with his bag of flour yelling.‰Bring your
ID‚s!‰ over his shoulder.
We gave him at least almost eight minutes, then we were off in a cloud of
belches. We immediately proceeded to get hopelessly spread out and lost.
What was left of the Pack eventually headed west on 24th because Barely
thought he had seen Mr. Cream Jeans and ManHandler heading for College Hill.
Hugh Mungus, having ascertained that the nearest seedy bar was in fact
Mulligan‚s near 29th and Willamette, ran straight there. No Beercheck. It
took him a long time to get back on trail, and even longer to catch up with
us at the Beercheck at Mulligan‚s, which he apparently left a few minutes
before the Hare arrived.
Religion was quick and painless in the Pool parking lot, where we spilled
most of our food, but Cream Jeans ate it anyway. We soon ran out of beer
and adjourned to Cornucopia, where we were joined by Scratchy, Poison Poke,
the Dirty Old Man, and Dix R4 Kids. We finally got our score!
And a Good Time was had by All-
OnOn
Barely ManBelow
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hash# ? 11/19/06
>Tales from the Slog
>
>There simply is no better way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon than a
>delightful stroll through the pissy drizzle, fog and muck provided by our
>beautiful Willamette Valley. If for no other reason than to prove to our
>selves that we the insane can and will detach ourselves from the couch when
>the shiggy comes calling.
>
>Eugene hashers are a hearty bunch. Despite the intermittent squalls we
>managed to fiddle f**k about for at least 30 minutes before the hares gave
>their impromptu hash mark breakdown. Psycho herb grower check? This could
>be real fun. The five virgins were equally amused and excited.
>
>Off into the crap with Good Will leading the way (he took off two minutes
>early). We managed to mope around in circles for pretty much the entire
>hash. Was this officially the two marks hash and I missed the memo? No
>problem, we‚ll just make it up. Best part was, we jumped from eagle to
>turkey to double turkey to eagle and criss-crossed the newbies several
>times. I‚d say good work hares but actually, it was pure shite.
>
>Post trail, our beloved RA and co-hare Barely Manbelow set off the fast
>forward power religion due to downpour, only to be interrupted by his
>co-hare and DFL hash shit recipient Jack Shit recently returned from laying
>the eagle trail. What eagle trail says we? No bother, drink, bugger
>virgins, one of which bravely flashed, in the pouring rain I might add.
>Good show. Of note, just Terran, who made the other virgins cum, convinced
>them there was no r*nning involved. Pure genius.
>
>Hugh Mungus, aka Hugh Minus, aka F*ck Hugh received the award for being the
>biggest wanker in Eugene hash house harrier history. He was also awarded
>with a wonderful mug stolen from his very kitchen.
>
>Off to the bah for warmth, grub and more beer! Dry warm and drunk makes
>for a very happy pack.
>
>Long live the hash!
>
>TBJ